What's Wrong? -
An interview with Marty Walnut by Peter Marsupial-Heartbreaker
Peter Marsupial-Heartbreaker : What's wrong Marty-?
Marty Walnut: I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. GET OUTTA MY FUCKING HOUSE
YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE... I DON'T KNOW YOU, I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FUCKING
IDEAS. GET LOST, YOU FUCKER!
PMH : Well that's not what you said to me last week. Last week you were
happy to see me, Marty. What's changed since then? Huh? Do you know what's
changed since then?
M: ( sobbing ) No.
PMH : Well I know what's wrong, Marty.
M: You do?
PMH : Yes Marty. You're upset because no body has filed an insurance
claim with you aren't you?
Marty: THE
FUCKERS! I TELL THEM MY LIFE AND THEY SHIT ON MY FACE. FUCKERS! FUCKERS!
FUCKER-
PMH : Stop it Marty. Now listen to me. I think I know how to help.
Your website... the one you put on the internet ... you know the one.
Well, it's
a very honest website, don't you think?
M-: Yah
PMH : I mean you put in the part about the crack cocaine and
then the sexual abuse stuff on it. Don't you think that you
should concentrate more on your business, rather than your
life's story? People don't want to know that their insurance
broker got thrown into a kiln in Grade Nine. They want to know
that he wants to get them the best insurance deal in town.
M: But if I'm honest with them about my
life, then they should then trust me to be honest with their
money.
PMH: But you're not planning on being honest with
their money are you Marty?
M: No.
PMH: No, in fact you're planning on finding the
perfect "prey" as you call it. Why is that again, Marty?
M: Because I want to kill somebody.
PMH: That's right. So by being honest about your
own struggles, they might realize before calling you that your
real purpose is to quench your inner turmoils by killing them.
You see... they might come to mistrust you because of your past.
M:What should I do, then?
PMH: You should stop being honest on your website.
Fill it with numbers and quotes and lots of smiling pictures
of yourself. Tell the people that you are a normal person. Change
your name and tell of great years at school where you achieved
top marks. Then someone will come in and you can kill them and
eat them, as is your dream.
M: This is sounding nice. I think I'm going
to put this on my website.
PMH: No - JesusChrist - Marty! You can't put this
interview on your website. This would be the worst thing to put
there. This would give away your whole plot. The police would
be here before you even got to kill a single person. Think
about it a minute Marty.
M: Are you trying to run my business? You
fucking shit! I'll fucking kill you first and use your bones
as the border for my next newspaper ad. get out of my fucking
office now, or this fucking icepick goes through those flimsy
contact lenses slow.
PMH:You're making the wrong descision Marty. I'm
afraid after this session, we will no longer be able to associate.
Especially if you put this interview on your website. I will
have to change my name and get a job somewhere else.
M- Suit yourself. You may go.
END
Peter Marsupial-Heartbreaker : What's wrong Marty-?
Marty Walnut: I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. GET OUTTA MY FUCKING HOUSE YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE... I DON'T KNOW YOU, I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FUCKING IDEAS. GET LOST, YOU FUCKER!
PMH : Well that's not what you said to me last week. Last week you were happy to see me, Marty. What's changed since then? Huh? Do you know what's changed since then?
M: ( sobbing ) No.
PMH : Well I know what's wrong, Marty.
M: You do?
PMH : Yes Marty. You're upset because no body has filed an insurance claim with you aren't you?
Marty: THE FUCKERS! I TELL THEM MY LIFE AND THEY SHIT ON MY FACE. FUCKERS! FUCKERS! FUCKER-
PMH : Stop it Marty. Now listen to me. I think I know how to help. Your website... the one you put on the internet ... you know the one. Well, it's a very honest website, don't you think?
M-: Yah
PMH : I mean you put in the part about the crack cocaine and then the sexual abuse stuff on it. Don't you think that you should concentrate more on your business, rather than your life's story? People don't want to know that their insurance broker got thrown into a kiln in Grade Nine. They want to know that he wants to get them the best insurance deal in town.M: But if I'm honest with them about my life, then they should then trust me to be honest with their money.
PMH: But you're not planning on being honest with their money are you Marty?
M: No.
PMH: No, in fact you're planning on finding the perfect "prey" as you call it. Why is that again, Marty?
M: Because I want to kill somebody.
PMH: That's right. So by being honest about your own struggles, they might realize before calling you that your real purpose is to quench your inner turmoils by killing them. You see... they might come to mistrust you because of your past.
M:What should I do, then?
PMH: You should stop being honest on your website. Fill it with numbers and quotes and lots of smiling pictures of yourself. Tell the people that you are a normal person. Change your name and tell of great years at school where you achieved top marks. Then someone will come in and you can kill them and eat them, as is your dream.
M: This is sounding nice. I think I'm going to put this on my website.
PMH: No - JesusChrist - Marty! You can't put this interview on your website. This would be the worst thing to put there. This would give away your whole plot. The police would be here before you even got to kill a single person. Think about it a minute Marty.
M: Are you trying to run my business? You fucking shit! I'll fucking kill you first and use your bones as the border for my next newspaper ad. get out of my fucking office now, or this fucking icepick goes through those flimsy contact lenses slow.
PMH:You're making the wrong descision Marty. I'm afraid after this session, we will no longer be able to associate. Especially if you put this interview on your website. I will have to change my name and get a job somewhere else.
M- Suit yourself. You may go.
END
