Chapter 4
The restaurant was packed with the locals as the waitress quickly sat down the food and left. Mrs.Filan had already made her way over to Sidney and Mark to welcome them to "Carlton Cafe" and to spoil Bailey with treats. Bailey not only had Grandma and Grandpa Kavanagh to spoil him, he also had Grandma and Grandpa Filan, Grandma and Grandpa Feehily and Grandma and Grandpa Egan. Plus Bryan's parents spoiled Bailey as they both dotted on the lad. Sidney knew that Bailey would never feel the lack of love from her friends who she considered family.
"I got a star in class today." Bailey said as he stuffed the macaroni in his mouth.
"And what was the star for?" Sidney asked as she wiped the tiny mouth as he smiled as the delicious macaroni slide down his throat.
"Cause I...cause I helped this girl..this girl clean the room." Bailey began tracing his fork into his noodles as cheese ran over the sides.
"That was very nice of you to help her." Mark said as he cleaned up the cheese that was thrown in the excitement of the little boy as the waiter brought the dessert. Mark and Sidney served the ice cream to Bailey as he sat in silence enjoying every bite. The restaurant was loud as Sidney tried to carry a conversation on with Mark as they both leaned in to listen to the words spoken.
"You look tired." Mark said as he brushed back Sidney's hair from her face.
"Well, it's nice to know I look the way I feel." She said smiling as Mark took in the beauty of it. He loved her smile and he loved the fact that it was him that gave her the smile.
"Are you sleeping?" Mark asked as he sipped his coffee.
"No" Sidney said quickly as she looked away.
"Still having nightmares about Michael?" Mark placed his hand on Sidney's hand and squeezed it.
"They haven't been too bad lately. I just have things on my mind." Sidney said returning the squeeze.
Right after Michael died, Sidney had nightmares every night. She would wake up screaming in a cold sweat. In her dreams, she would see Michael burning alive in the plane and she would just stand and watch. At one point, she would even see Bailey burning in the plane and she would stand and watch. She didn't tell anyone about the dreams except for Mark. There were a couple of nights that Mark would fall asleep on the couch at Sidney's from watching TV and then hear her screaming. He would run into her room and have to shake her so hard to wake her up. It scared Mark the first time he witnessed the nightmares as he held Sidney crying in his arms. It was the most helpless feeling that Mark had when he held her but he stayed there until her sobbing subsided.
"Mama, I finished my cream." Bailey said with a smile full of chocolate ice cream.
"You sure did, Bailey." Sidney said as she took delight in the tiny life that was before her. In her worst day, Bailey was always there with a smile. In her loneliness days of missing Michael, Bailey was there to hug her and in her darkest moments of depression, it was the thought of having to care for Bailey that got her back on her feet. Bailey was her life, her breath and as she sat watching him with Mark, she realized that he needed a father. Bailey deserved a father who would love him, play with him and show him the world of being a man. There were things that she would not be able to show him, only a father would. She watched how Mark carefully spoke to him, never making him feel small but treated him a little human. Mark would smile and laugh with Bailey in his silliness and took pride in caring for him. If only she could find someone for Bailey like Mark, someone to love him just as much as she loved him.
Sidney dropped Bailey off at the Kavanagh's for the night, dropped off Mark at his house while lingering inside with him. They sat talking in the living room, enjoying the light snow fall on the window. A fire was gently glowing in the dark room as their bodies flickered in the light of it. A CD was playing on the stereo as the music quietly echoed in the room. Mark watched Sidney as she spoke every word, wishing he could hold her. Not in a comforting embrace like he had done so many times but in love, intimacy and passion. He wished he had the nerve to tell her how he truly felt about her but he feared losing their friendship. Their friendship meant the world to him, in many ways, it replaced the loss of Michael's friendship that Mark had but also Sidney was good to Mark. She cared for him in ways that Briana didn't, in ways that only a friend could.
"So, how are you and Briana doing?" Sidney said as Mark shifted in his seat.
"She has a late photo shoot tonight." Mark said quickly.
"I didn't ask where she was, I asked how you two were doing?" Sidney said smiling as she stood up and walked over to Mark. "How are you two getting along?" She sat down next to Mark, snuggling under his arm.
"Same. Things don't change much with us." Mark said as he positioned his arm gently around Sidney.
"You are the best cuddlier." Sidney said as she looked at Mark. His beautiful blue eyes stared at her as she sat in his arms. She always felt so safe with Mark, he was the main source of her strength in the last year and his friendship ... his lips were so tender, so sweet...the way he shyly smiled at her when they talked...
"So, how are you and Bryan doing?" Mark asked as Sidney continued staring at him. "Sid, hello?"
"What?" Sidney said as she quickly found herself back into reality. "I'm sorry, I was thinking about... what did you say?"
"How are you and Bryan doing?" Mark asked again.
"Fine. We don't get to see much of each other except for when I am at the club..." Sidney paused as she sat staring out the window.
"What's wrong?" Mark asked.
"Mark, I can't really place it but there is just something missing between Bryan and I." Sidney continued looking out the window as she spoke.
"What?" He asked fearing the answer.
"I don't know. He is so nice and he is so great with Bailey. He is really good looking and really hot.."
"I get the point." Mark said interrupting Sidney.
"Sorry. I just don't have the feeling for Bryan like I did with Michael. I know Bryan is different but.." Sidney stopped as she listened to the song playing. "I love this song!" She yelled as she jumped up and ran to the stereo. She turned up the music and began dancing. "Ronan is so hot! I love his voice." Sidney began singing the words as Mark sat watching her.
--it's 4 am and the earth stand still, the cities took a sleeping pill, But I'm awake and laying next to you, it's 4 am and I breath you in, old familiar thoughts began, I hate to think without you what I do---
"Come on!" Sidney grabbed Mark, pulled him to the center of living room and made him dance with her...
--I could have turned left, you could have turned right, I could have stayed home that night, you might have never caught that train, for the rain.
Mark joined Sidney singing as they continued dancing...
if you hadn't smiled, if I hadn't asked, we could have been two ships passed, I might have never known your name, Thank God I kissed you.
Mark grabbed Sidney and made a dash twirl with her as they laughed in their own silliness...
---was it all chance, was it meant to be, was it in the stars for you and me, there's a million doors but only one key, it can take one touch, take one look, our whole life is a story book, and we are just fulfilling destiny...
Mark sang loudly as he spun Sidney one last time..
That I kissed you, that I touched you, that I met you, now I love you, well, I'm hooked on you, without you I'm insane...
Mark grabbed Sidney and wrapped her arms around him as they stood face to face. Laughing, staring into one another as Mark realized that he was actually saying the words to Sidney, the words that he longed to say. But it was a song, or was it.....
thank God I kissed you...
Mark leaned closer to Sidney as he brushed his lips on hers. Sidney wrapped her arms tighter around Mark, pulling him closer to her as she returned the kiss as their tongues met. The music stopped as there was total silence between them but nothing was breaking the kiss that was consuming them...
"Well, what do we have here?" Briana asked as she stood in the doorway to the living room. She had her arms crossed as she spied Mark holding Sidney in their kiss.
"Briana, what are you doing home?" Mark asked not letting go of Sidney.
"I thought I would surprise you, sweetie." Briana said as she stressed "sweetie" sarcastically.
"I was just leaving." Sidney broke herself from Mark, passed by Briana and ran out the door.
"Honestly, Mark, in our own home?" Briana said laughing.
"It's not what it seemed." Mark walked over to the window to watch Sidney leave.
"Maybe, but you may want to wipe the lipstick off your lips." Briana smirked and left the room.
Mark stood watching Sidney as she left. He couldn't believe that he kissed her, he let his emotions take over and he kissed her. Oh, that kiss. Mark wiped Sidney's lipstick off his lips as he could still smell her perfume on him. How could he have gotten carried away? He feared what Sidney thought of him as he stood in silence as the fire continued to burn.
Sidney pulled into the parking lot of the Duachias as she turned off her car and sat in the cold. She closed her eyes as she could still feel Mark's lips on her. It was so wonderful, so passionate. She had never been kissed like that since... a tear ran down her face as she quickly gathered her things and began walking into the club. She would be seeing Bryan soon and she had to wipe away.. wipe away the smile that Mark's kiss gave her...
Ronan Keating; Thank God I kissed You