Chapter Five
Sidney sat on her couch while the sounds of Ronan played softly in the background as Bailey laid on her lap. She gently brushed Bailey's curls with her fingers as he peacefully slept. He was so innocent and so pure as he slumbered in Sidney's arms. After standing at the door of the "Duachais" for a few minutes, she went back to her car and cried. She tried to erase the kiss of Mark but couldn't, it just felt right. She couldn't face seeing Shane or Kian, not with their questions about the decorating of the club. She couldn't face Bryan, not with the confusion in her eyes. She just wanted to be home with Bailey and actually relax, something she knew nothing about. She leaned back on the couch as the music began to soothe her. She closed her eyes as Bailey's breathing gave her comfort. Her thoughts soon went to Michael, his face was beginning to fade from her mind and that devastated her. She could see his blue eyes as he would smile at her but even the smile was beginning to fade. A tear began to fall down her face as she wrapped her arms around her chest. How she wished Michael was there to hold her, she missed his touch, she missed his kisses and the way that he gently held her hand. She hadn't cried in a week over Michael but suddenly she felt alone... she felt so alone...as she was losing Michael, again, as he faded from her memory.
Bailey jumped when the doorbell rang as he grabbed onto Sidney. She picked him up and carried him to the door as she peeked out through the curtain. She could see a tall shadow figure on the front door as she fumbled for the porch light. She adjusted her eyes to see the handsome Bryan standing outside the door, smiling as his breath was seen in the cold air.
"What are you doing here?" She asked opening the door as the December wind rushed through Sidney. She shielded Bailey from the cold as Bryan made his way in.
"Freezing my arse off." Bryan said as he stumped his feet on the rug kicking the snow off. He leaned down to Sidney and kissed her cheek as she laughed in the coldness. "Sorry, babe, it's damn cold out there."
"You should be use to it." She said as she set Bailey down and helped Bryan with his coat.
"Hi, Bryan." Bailey said softly rubbing his eyes.
"Hey, B. Isn't it late for you?" Bryan asked as he picked up the little lad. "You have school tomorrow."
"I was sleeping til you got here." Bailey quickly said as he laid his head on Bryan's shoulder.
"Would you like some tea?" Sidney asked as she hung up his coat.
"Sounds good, love. How about if I put Bailey to bed and then we can have tea and talk."
"I don't wanna..." Bailey words were stopped by a big yawn.
"I'll get the tea ready." Sidney kissed Bailey goodnight and walked into the kitchen.
"Read me a story." Bailey pleaded as Bryan carried him down the hallway to his room.
"I will read you one story." Bryan chimed.
"Two stories." Bailey interjected.
"One story and then I will sing you a song." Bryan said as he placed Bailey on the bed.
Sidney made the tea as she could hear Bryan and Bailey. It warmed her heart that Bryan had taken such an effort with Bailey. Bryan was very good with him and Bailey returned the love.
After the third story and second song, Bailey was finally in his bed, yawing as Bryan sat next to him.
"Are you going to make my mommy happy?" Bailey asked as Bryan began tucking him in the bed. Bryan adored Bailey and when he first met Sidney and learned that she a son; it was never a question about taking on the role as father to him. Bailey loved how Bryan sang to him and how he took the time to read to him. Bailey missed he daddy but Bryan and Mark made up for the loss. But Mark had become the most important person to Bailey, next to his Mommy. He wished that Mark could be his daddy but he never told Sidney.. he didn't want to make her cry... he was sad when he heard his Mommy cry. Even only being five years old, Bailey understood the tears.
"I will try to." Bryan said as he patted Bailey on the head.
"Mommy was crying tonight. She tries to hide it but she was crying." Bailey grabbed his black teddy bear that Shane got him for his birthday just a few months ago and held it.
"Why was mommy crying?" Bryan asked as he tucked the bear under the covers.
"Misses daddy. I miss daddy too but I don't tell her. I don't want to make her sad." Bailey closed his eyes as he gave out another big yawn.
"You get some sleep, B. I will go and make your mommy happy." Bryan kissed Bailey's forehead and stood up. He stared at the lad who was soon sleeping as he wished that he could make his mommy happy. He wanted nothing more in this world to make Sidney happy but he knew that the happiness that she wanted, was something he couldn't give her.
"Did Bailey finally get to sleep?" Sidney asked as she carried the tray
of tea and biscuits out to the living room as Bryan sat on the couch waiting
for her.
"After the third story and two songs." Bryan said smiling as Sidney handed him the tea and then sat down next to him.
"Why didn't you come to the club tonight?" Bryan asked leaning back on the couch. It was nice to relax and to have the peace of no noise. The club was loud tonight as Bryan's head pounded in the after beat of the music.
"I was tired and I just didn't want to deal with the guys." Sidney said as she sipped her tea. The warmth of the tea felt good to her throat as it went down.
"Are they hassling you about the new plans?" Bryan moved closer to Sidney as he reached his arm around her. He loved touching her and holding her....he melted every time she looked at him. Bryan fall in love with Sidney when he first met her at the club...it was instant and intense but he knew that he had to go slow with Sidney. He didn't want to push her away but he wanted so much to tell her how he loved her and how he could make her happy if she would just let him. Sidney wanted so much to cuddle under his strength...to hide under his safety but she couldn't, as always ... something was holding her back.
"They just want me to do the impossible in a short amount of time and I am just not in the mood." Sidney moved away from Bryan as she placed her tea on the table.
"Sid, we have been dating for two months and you still can't sit close to me." Bryan looked at Sidney, he wanted to see it in her eyes, see what he was missing...he wanted to see what he could do to make her happy.
"I'm just tired..."
"You always say that." Bryan quickly responded. "Your answer to everything is I'm tired."
"Well, my God... I have so many people pulling at me, not to mention a five year old who I don't spend enough time with. I am tired.. I am sorry but I am tired..."
"Well, I'm tired also!!" Bryan said as he put his cup of tea on the table. "I put in a full day with my vocal students and then the club. But what gets me through the day is knowing that I will be seeing you." Bryan couldn't believe what he was saying. He was always so gentle with Sidney but he had to know, he had to know where he stood. "I'm sorry Sid, I am just trying to figure out what I can do to make you happy. I want to be the one...." Sidney stopped his words with her mouth. She didn't want to talk, she didn't want to analyze her life. She just wanted to feel close to someone, she missed being with Michael and she just wanted to be close to Bryan and hoped to take away the loneliness.
Bryan wrapped his arms around Sidney as he pulled her closer. She felt so good to him, he wanted to hold her in that embrace forever. Sidney finally pulled back from him as she looked at him. He was so handsome, his eyes were so sexy in the way he looked at her. Bryan softly caressed her cheek as he pulled her into him, he kissed her forehead, her chin and then her sweet lips. Sidney tried to get lost in his kiss, she tried to hold him like he wanted but....
She leaned back and stood up. Bryan's heart sank as she rejected him.
"Bryan... I..."
"Tell me I'm not wasting my time, Sid." Bryan interrupted as he stood up.
"I don't know... you are so wonderful."Sidney reached for his hand as she held it. "God! What is wrong with me?" She cried. "You are so perfect...."
"But it's not enough." Bryan said staring at her. He couldn't understand why it couldn't be enough....he tried to find what he was he was missing .. what hadn't he said to Sidney...what he hadn't done to prove to her that he loved her. She was slipping away from him and he couldn't do anything about. Sidney tried to hold back the tears but they quickly took control of her. Bryan pulled her into his arms as he held her.
"I am sorry, Bryan... I never meant to hurt you..."Sidney said in-between sobs.
"I'll miss Bailey and I will miss your smile.. when you do smile." Byran continued holding her as she cried.
"You have to keep seeing Bailey, he won't understand why you are gone." Sidney looked up at him as he wiped away the tears. "I am so sorry."
"I'll be fine, Sidney." Bryan said lying. He couldn't tell her that he was dying, that the thought of not being with her was killing him. "I will still see Bailey, don't worry." He brushed back her hair and kissed her one last time. "I hope you find your happiness, Sid." Bryan held her as she cried.
He didn't go home that night, he held her through the night as she cried and slept in his arms. He sat watching her while she slept, looking at her, wishing her well as a tear fell down his cheek. She was so lovable ... so perfect ... so not his.