Mattie had spent the entire day puzzling over the meaning of Shane�s enigmatic disclosure. She fought with herself over the implication of his words, telling herself over and over that it couldn�t be what she thought�. but she couldn�t seem to figure out what else he could have possibly meant. Mattie recalled how odd Mark had acted that afternoon, while they took the rest of their tour around Disney World. He had been unusually quiet and once in a while, Mattie would catch him staring at her, like he was studying her. She hadn�t thought much of it at the time, but after Shane had come to her, Mattie found herself reevaluating the way Mark had been acting. She knew she shouldn�t be doing it, and that maybe she was reading too much into things, but Mattie couldn�t help but wonder. And she knew why. It was useless to try and fight it anymore. She had denied it to herself for so long but she had to admit it to herself now. She still loved him. After all this time, nothing had changed. It was still there, it had never gone away, as much as Mattie wanted to think that it had. Before today, an admission such as this would have shattered her, but Shane�s words had given her a strange sense of peace and calm, enough so that she could deal with this revelation without the usual sense of apprehension. The fear that she had felt for so long was slowly being replaced by a sense of hope. Mattie gazed dreamily up at the twilight atmosphere. It was amazing how the dusky blue of the starlit evening sky almost matched the warm blue glint in Mark�s eyes. She wondered how it would be, how beautiful it would be if � if he�loved her. A shiver ran through Mattie�s body as the thought entered her mind and a longing expression crossed her features. She had used to dream about a day when Mark would take her in his arms and tell her that he loved her. But she had been young, and as she grew up and decided those dreams would never come true, she had tucked them away, buried them within the confines of her subconscious. Mattie hadn�t allowed herself to dream of them again, but after today, they had released themselves from the boundaries that she had placed them in, coming back to her in a wave of almost-forgotten memories and hopes and fancies that she had struggled so hard for so long to suppress. And Mattie hoped that after tonight, she wouldn�t have to anymore. Suddenly, a familiar voice pierced her thoughts.

�So how many times were you going to walk by me before you noticed I was even here?�

Mattie gasped and whirled around to see an amused looking Mark sitting on a stone bench, smiling at her. �Mark! I � I had no idea you were there!�

He laughed. �Yeah, no kidding, Mattie. You passed me four times just walking around in a big circle. I was just going to wait to see how long it would take you to discover I was here, but it didn�t look like that was going to happen anytime soon so I got impatient. What�s up with you? You seemed pretty spaced out.�

Mattie blushed as she walked towards him. �I was just thinking about things�when did you get back?� she asked, changing the subject.

�About twenty minutes ago. I went up to your�s and Georgina�s room, but G told me you were out here so I decided to come down and join you.�

�Oh.� Mattie sat down next to Mark and stared straight ahead. She couldn�t bring herself to look at him just yet. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and it sounded so loud that she wondered if Mark could hear it from where she was sitting. Mattie breathed in deeply to calm her nerves.

�So why are you out here?� Mark questioned.

Mattie shrugged. �No reason, really. I guess I just needed some fresh air.�

�Oh.� Even though she wasn�t looking at him, Mattie could still tell that Mark was studying her carefully. He reached out a hand and gently pushed a few locks of hair behind her shoulder, caressing the smoothness lightly, the back of his hand grazing the skin of her neck. Mattie�s breath caught in her throat at the gentleness of the gesture. Slowly, she turned to look at him. Mark was still gazing back at her, with a look that made Mattie�s heart beat even faster. The warm indigo of his eyes burned into hers with penetrating intensity, and it seemed as if he were searching for something. His hand, which had been gently smoothing her hair, made its way to her cheek, and Mattie leaned into its warmth, the touch of his fingers sending waves of electricity racing through her body. Mark caressed Mattie�s cheek lightly with his thumb, amazed at the velvety softness of her skin.

�Mattie,� he whispered quietly.

A tingle ran through her at the sound of his voice. �Yes?�

�We � we need to talk.�

Mattie bit her lip nervously and nodded slowly. This was it. �Alright then.�

Mark took a deep breath before taking both of Mattie�s hands in his. �I, erm�I � had a talk with Shane today.� He stopped then, thinking of where to go from there, while Mattie held her breath.

�Did you?� she managed to say, breaking the short silence.

Mark nodded. �Yeah.�

�What about?� Mattie kept her eyes trained on Mark�s face, searching for any hint of a clue as to what he was about to say, but the shadows of twilight partially concealed the expression of his features.

�About � about you, actually.�

�Me?� The word came out in an almost imperceptible whisper.

�You.� He took another deep breath. �About you and me.�

�Oh,� was all Mattie could say.

�Shane, he � I mean, I � I mean � God, how am I supposed to say this to you?� Mark said, frustrated. He ran a hand through his hair in aggravation.

�What do you want to say to me?� Mattie asked him gently, her eyes searching Mark�s.

�When I talked to Shane today, it made me realize something. Something about you, Mattie, about you and me,� he began haltingly.

Mattie placed the palm of her fist against her chest, hoping that maybe somehow it would slow the wild beating of her heart. �What did you realize?� she asked softly, trying to sound calm.

�I realized�that � that things are different between us. They are, aren�t they?� Mark looked at her with wide eyes. �I�m not just being crazy, am I Mattie? You do feel that something is different, don�t you?� Mattie nodded wordlessly, and Mark let out a relieved breath. �Thank God. I was so scared that maybe I was the only one having these feelings.�

At that, a current of hope and joy began to radiate throughout her entire body, enveloping her in its warmth. He felt the same way. The knowledge of that left her with an unbelievable happiness. It was like a dream, like every dream she had ever had was finally coming true. The feeling was so new and wonderful that she almost didn�t let herself give into it, out of fear that it might, in fact, be only a castle in the sky, but he was here with her now, this was real. And he was telling her that he felt something for her. A wonderful, beautiful range of emotions were coursing through her, and she never thought she could be so happy. Mattie could feel the tears of joy begin to prick at her eyelashes, and she found herself unable to speak. Mattie wanted so badly to tell him how she felt, to tell him that she loved him...but she couldn't find the words just then. It didn't matter anyway. Knowing that he felt the same...that was all she wanted or cared about. Mattie closed her eyes as Mark reached out and touched her face softly.

�I was so confused,� he continued. �I didn�t know where all this came from, and it all just came crashing down on me at once. I didn�t know what to do, what to think. Everything was changing, and everything just seemed so different. The only time when things would be clear was�when I was with you.� Mark gazed intently at Mattie, a pensive expression on his face. �You�re the only thing that makes sense to me. In the midst of all this madness and this confusion�you were still you. And that means more to me than I could ever say. After all this time, Mattie � you can still reach me the way no one else can. I�ve always known that Mattie, but it wasn�t until today that I realized just how much you are a part of me. And that�s when I came to a conclusion.�

�What was that?� Mattie whispered, hardly breathing.

Mark took a deep breath and turned to face Mattie fully, taking her hands in his once again. �That I can�t lose you. You�re everything to me Mattie, and I don�t want that to ever change. These feelings that I�m having, that we�re having�I�m not sure where they came from, or why they�re here now, but I do know that they aren�t worth the chance of losing what we have together now, something we spent a lifetime together building. I won�t risk it.� Mark looked searchingly into Mattie�s eyes. She was frozen in place, trying desperately to sort out his words in her head. What was happening? The light in her eyes began to dim and the warmth that had enveloped her began to disappear as Mark continued to speak. �You do see what I�m saying, don�t you Mattie? We�re young, you and I. Who�s to say that we won�t both wake up tomorrow and these feelings will all be gone? Who�s to say these feelings are even real? Maybe it�s just a part of being young. And maybe Shane was right when he said this was bound to happen sooner ot later. But it doesn�t mean we have to give into the stereotype, does it? Does it, Mattie?�

Mattie sat in numb silence, trying to absorb the meaning of Mark�s words. Slowly, a cold realization had begun to steal over her, and with every word that he spoke, it seemed as if a piece of her was dying. The hope and joy she had felt only moments before began to fade away, and a familiar, cold, steady ache started to take its place. The pain began to press like a heavy weight upon her, and suddenly, Mattie found it very hard to breathe. She turned away, for fear that Mark would see the desolation that had taken the place of the light in her eyes.

�Mattie?� Mark said cautiously. �You - you understand what I�m saying don�t you?� All Mattie could do was nod rapidly, unable to speak.

�You�re right Mark,� she made herself say, trying to control her voice. �You�re right. We � we shouldn�t risk it.� Mattie had to force each word as it passed her lips and she clenched her hands tightly to keep them from shaking. She blinked hard to keep back the tears that she so desperately wanted to cry as Mark sat back and let out a relieved breath.

�Then that�s it right? We�re gonna try and get back to the way we were?� His tone was hopeful.

Mattie nodded again. �Back to the way we were.� Back to living her life in an empty hopelessness, back to repressing the dreams she had waited so long to come true. Was this what it was like to have your heart broken? Her world was falling apart. Suddenly, the air around her seemed to get colder, and she shivered.

�Are you cold?� Mark asked. Instinctively, he began to take off his own jacket, but Mattie stopped him.

�Don�t.�

Mark looked at her in surprise when he heard the rigidity in her voice. �What?�

Mattie hardened her features. She didn�t want his jacket. She didn�t want to feel his heat or smell his scent. There was nothing that could take away the chill that was already settling into her bones. Suddenly, Mattie decided she couldn�t be near him a minute longer. It hurt too much to be this close to him. Not only close in body�but they had been so close. It was like someone had held out a beautiful gift in front of her, and all she had to do was reach for it...but it had been taken away before her fingers had a chance to fully grasp it. For the first time in her life, Mattie wished she had never known Mark. Then perhaps this pain would have never existed. The knowledge of what had almost been, and what could never be now�it was too much. Mattie stood up suddenly.

�Where are you going?� Mark asked, even more surprised by her sudden movement.

Mattie couldn�t look at him. She knew she would break down if she did, it was hard enough already. She didn�t trust herself, not now. If she looked at him�it would be more than she could take. �I�ve got to go,� she said desperately.

�Where?�

Away. Away from this hurt, away from this pain. �I need to finish packing.� Away from you.

Mark seemed to accept that and Mattie turned away from him and walked as quickly as she could back to the hotel, leaving him sitting on the bench, the tears finally able to free themselves from her eyes.

Mark sat on the bench, watching Mattie leave. He was glad she had taken the conversation so well. All the while, there had been a fear lurking in the back of his mind that maybe she didn�t feel the same way and she wasn�t going through the same thing he was going through. But now it was settled, and things were going to go back to the way they had been before. Mark thought he should have been relieved, but for some reason, he felt only an uneasy emptiness. Mark rubbed his forehead and sighed. He supposed it was going to take a while for it to work itself out, but they could do it together. Things are going to go back to the way they were. The thought didn�t comfort him much. �Ah,� he said, getting up himself. �I�m just tired. I need to get some rest.� Mark started to head back to the hotel. He was on his way to the lifts when he spotted Shane coming out of the gift shop with several postcards in his hands. When he caught sight of Mark he broke into a sprint and ran over to him excitedly.

�Hey, mate, did you get a chance to talk things over with Mattie?� he asked anxiously.

�Yeah, actually, I did,� Mark replied. �Just now, in fact.�

�Well?� Shane demanded.

�Well what?�

�How did it go ya deutz?!�

Mark contemplated. �I think it went�rather well. In fact, it went better than I thought it would.�

At that, Shane broke into a grin and hugged Mark tightly before clapping in on the back. �Finally! Congratulations, man, it was about bloody time! Just wait till the others hear.�

Mark looked puzzled. �Shane, what are you talking about?�

�Aw, come on, don�t be coy with me! Hey, we should go out tonight to celebrate. Or maybe do you two want to be alone? We�ll totally understand.� Shane babbled on excitedly, but as he took in the still confused expression on Mark�s face, his excitement began to fade away, slowly being replaced with a sense of dread and foreboding. �Oh Jesus Mark, what did you say to her?�

Mark shrugged. �Just that these feelings we were having weren�t worth risking our friendship were, and that we should try to get things back to the way they used to be. You know, before we started having these feelings.� Mark took in Shane�s shocked expression and a look of understanding crossed his face. �Oh, I know you wanted us to get together Shane, but we didn�t think it would have been right, you know? I mean, it�s me and Mattie.�

�What did Mattie say exactly?� Shane asked incredulously.

�She didn�t say much, really,� Mark responded. �She just agreed with me.� He sighed. �I�m glad it�s finally over with and things can start getting back to normal.� He looked at his watch. �I think I�m going to go get a drink. You wanna come?� Shane shook his head wordlessly, unable talk. He had the urge to give Mark a good blow to the head, but managed to restrain himself. �Okay then. Well, I�ll see you in the morning. Later, mate!� With that, Mark walked off towards the hotel restaurant, leaving Shane standing shocked in the middle of the lobby. He looked at the lift and stepped in when it opened. He could only imagine what a state Mattie was in right now�and after what I told her this afternoon he thought guiltily.

Presently the lift opened and their floor and Shane immediately made his way to Georgina and Mattie�s room. The door was already slightly open to his surprise. He knocked gently on the door. �Mattie?� he called softly. When there was no answer, Shane pushed the door wider and stepped in. Mattie was sitting on her bed, her knees drawn up to her chest. She wasn�t crying; in fact, she wasn�t doing anything - just staring at nothing at all, her eyes dull and lifeless. Shane walked in slowly and gingerly climbed up on the bed to sit next to her, but Mattie made no move to acknowledge that he was even there. Shane stared at his hands, not knowing what to say. He furrowed his brow, trying desperately to think of the right words, but none of them seemed good enough. What do you say to a girl whose heart has just been broken? So the two of them just sat there in silence. Finally, Mattie spoke.

�I remember the day I realized I loved him,� Mattie said softly.

Shane�s head jerked up, surprised that she had spoken. He wisely said nothing, and waited for her to continue.

�Do you remember Erica?� Shane shook his head. �She and Mark went out together when we were fifteen.� There was a long pause as Mattie continued to gaze sadly at the wall. �I liked Erica, I thought she was wonderful. I thought that she and Mark were wonderful together.� Her voice broke and she paused again to regain her composure. �One day, Mark came over to see me, and he was absolutely ecstatic about something. He told me that he wanted to ask Erica to go steady. I was so happy for him, for the both of them. And then � and then he told me that he thought he - he might be in love with her.� Mattie struggled to keep the tremble out of her voice. �And I couldn�t speak, and I couldn�t breathe, and I couldn�t feel anything except an unbelieveable hurt�that�s when I knew. I was in love with him, in love with my best friend. It hit me like a bolt of lightning�I never thought lightning could be so painful.� A tear slipped down her cheek and she closed her eyes, but didn�t bother to wipe it away. �He took me out the next day to help him pick out a ring for her. It was the most agonizing day of my life. We were looking at the rings, and he was so happy and excited, and I had to pretend that I was as happy as he was�when inside, my soul was dying.� Mattie drew in a shaky breath. �He finally picked out a ring, and Shane, it was so beautiful. More beautiful than words could describe. He was going to ask her that night, at the park, so he asked me to take the ring and hide it under a bush that he had picked out so carefully, along with a bouquet of roses he had bought. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.� Another tear slid down her cheek. �I went to the park with the ring and the roses. I knew it wasn�t right, but I took the ring out of its box and I tried it on. It fit perfectly, like it was made for me�but I knew it wasn�t meant for me.� Mattie clenched her hands to keep them from shaking. �I took a rose from the bouquet before I left to go back home. I still have that rose.�

Shane could see that she was having a hard time controlling her emotions, so he put his arm around her and drew her close to him. That�s when Mattie began to cry silently into his chest, her tears dampening the front of his shirt. �I went home, and I locked myself in my bedroom. Evening came, and I knew he was with Erica, and I could see them both walking together in the park, hand in hand, and I could see him looking at her so adoringly, with so much love in his eyes. And I could imagine them so clearly walking past the bush, and Mark telling her to look under it, and the happiness on her face when she discovered the ring and the flowers.� Mattie�s voice broke into heartbroken sobs. �And at that moment, I�ve never wanted to be anyone else more in my entire life.�

Shane stroked Mattie�s hair soothingly as she sobbed against him. �The � the rose is hidden away in a drawer at home. I don�t even know why I�ve kept it all these years. I look at it and it stands for everything I�ve always wanted, but could never have. I prayed to God that night for the feeling to go away, hoping against hope that I would wake up in the morning and it would somehow magically be gone. I never dreamed that after all these years, I�d still feel this way. And it scares me so much that I might feel this way forever.� Mattie looked up at Shane, her damp eyes pleading. �Do you think it could have been different Shane? If we hadn�t known each other all our lives? If I had just been someone else, just another girl he met by chance along the way. Do you think he could have�loved me?�

Shane closed his eyes at the desolate sadness in her hollow voice. Her words were so full of pain and sorrow that he could feel it, right to his bone. �He does love you.�

Mattie let out a bitter laugh. �I almost let myself believe that,� she said said miserably �I almost let myself believe that he could want me�but I was just fooling myself.�

�No, Mattie, you weren�t,� Shane responded forcefully. �He does feel something for you, I know it.�

Mattie shook her head slowly, an empty expression making her eyes a chilly grey color. �No,� she whispered hollowly. �It�s over now.� She drew in a shaky breath. �It�s over.�

Shane�s eyes widened at the finality in his voice and he pulled back to stare at her. Mattie face was deathly pale and the empty look in her eyes scared him�that vivid, colorful spark that had always defined her - he couldn�t find it. It was like she wasn�t even the same person. Shane took her face in his hands. �No Mattie, listen to me. You can�t give up, do you hear me? He doesn�t know what he wants, and he wants you. Don�t give him up. He�s going to see one day that you�re every dream he�s ever had, and he wouldn�t be anything without you. Don�t give up this fight, Mattie.�

More tears began to slip down her cheeks. �I�m so tired of fighting Shane. I�m so tired of waiting for that day that I know deep inside will never come. I�m so tired of wanting him the way that I do. It�s over. We�ll go back to the way we were, the way it will be forever. It�s time to let go.�

�No, Mattie!� Shane insisted. �Don�t say that! What are you going to do? Just fold up your love for him and tuck it away in a drawer? You can�t do that.�

�I�ve been doing it since I was fifteen,� she answered resolutely. �I�ve had enough practice.�

�Mattie don�t do this-�

�Please, Shane,� she interrupted. �Please let me deal with this the way I have to. This is the way it has to be. Shane, please understand that,� Mattie begged.

He wanted to protest, but he could see the resolution in her eyes. She wasn�t going to back down, not now. �Fine,� Shane acquiesced unwillingly. There would be another time, and he would just have to wait. This wasn�t over, not by a long shot, not if he had anything to do with it.

Mattie smiled at him gratefully. �Thank you,� she said in a soft voice. She settled her head against his chest again as her tears began to slow their course down her cheeks. Mattie reached for Shane�s hand and pressed his fingers to her lips in an appreciative gesture. She closed her eyes, exhausted, and drifted off into a restless slumber, her hand still clinging to Shane�s fingers. Shane stroked Mattie�s hair with his other hand, a contemplative expression on her face. This was far from over. He and the others had taken this as far as they could. It had almost worked, but Mark, being the complete ass that he was, had gone and screwed it up. But Shane had prepared in advance for this, and now it was time for backup. It was time for Plan B.

Chapter 24

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