| All character's contained here within are the property of J.K.Rowling and not me. Damn. When You Cry Prologue: The Bravest Thing By: Skylar Inari You cry in silence refusing to allow others to see the grief that clouds your eyes. In fact, many people don't even notice that you still feel the loss so deeply. Six months is a lengthy bit of time to be grieving as fully as you do still. And, thus you hide the sorrow from everyone suffering in silence, no one guessing how many sleepless nights you spend wondering if what happened was all your fault. But I can tell. I've spent years watching you. Your exquisite face framed by the burning auburn of your hair that tumbles down your shoulders. Your huge emerald eyes that alternately flame with passion and sparkle with humor. The slender grace that you move with makes me catch by breath in wonder. All that's changed, the fiery red of your hair seems dull and your eyes are missing their characteristic gleam. You are quieter and spend more time staring off into space. I worry about you. Nobody knows that except possibly Remus, and if he does know he'll keep it to himself. I haven't done anything because you'd suspect it was pity that moved me to your aid. You hate pity, that's why you chose to keep your sadness private. After all, why would I, James Potter, care about what happened to a nobody like Lily Evans? This is what you'd think - hell, this is what pretty much everybody would think. They wouldn't understand the quiet allure that draws me to you like a moth to flame. To me you aren't a nobody, you're the most beautiful star in my sky - and you don't even know it. When it comes to girls, normally Sirius and I tell each other everything. We've been best friends for years so it only makes sense that we'd have few secrets between us. I haven't told him about you. I'd rather not suffer through the teasing he'd be bound to put me through. When it's only a fling I don't care...but when I stare at you I know it's deeper than the normal boy-girl relationships. He wouldn't believe that I'm serious, and neither would you. I've heard your opinions on me and they, while not being very flattering were quite accurate when I stopped to think about it and decided to look at myself from the point of view of somebody that doesn't know me beyond how I act around those who are not in my confidence. You said that I was a conceited jerk who cared for nothing besides myself. I guess it can look like that though the insulting insinuation that you put into your voice left me in awe of your vocal prowess, even though we had to restrain Sirius from enacting revenge upon you. It was then that I started paying attention to you. The very fact that you would rather face the wrath of the clingy girls that follow me around rather than apologize to me marked you as different. I discovered a lovely person behind the persona of the boring bookworm that you pretend you are. And so I watched you. First out of curiosity, but slowly over time it became something more. I began to watch you because I didn't want to watch anybody else. The simpering girls lost what little appeal they had had under the presence of your delicate beauty. I'm not certain when I fell in love with you. All I know is that I do, and that I'll never gather the courage to tell you. I was watching you the day that they black letter from the Ministry came with the red ribbon tied around it. Black for death. Red for blood. Everybody watched you then. At that time it was not so common for Voldemort to attack muggles, he aimed instead at the mudbloods that had careers in the wizarding world. Your family was the first to fall in the second stage of his plan. Now the death's come so frequently that hardly ever does a day without somebody getting the letter. Your eyes widened and the color in your face drained. The hand that held the letter trembled as you got up and ran out of the hall your hair hiding your face. I wanted to follow you, but careful scrutiny had shown me that when upset you preferred to be alone. After that...you changed. And I still watch you, wondering what to do to help you but in the end doing nothing. I want to hold you in my arms and not let you go until your grief has run it's course and longer. Forever. My heart clenches when I see you, even the more somber you. There's something about you that makes it impossible for me to look away, but at the same time makes it impossible for me to get anywhere near you. This is quite possibly the bravest thing I've ever done, writing this to you. I can't talk to you - your beauty renders me speechless so I've decided to inscribe my feelings down in the hopes of making you smile even just a little bit. I love you Lily Evans. I've loved you for the longest time. And I just want you to know that when you cry my heart breaks in two. ~0ooo0ooo0~ Onto Chapter One Back to Book Fanfiction Back to Fiction Back to Home |