| All character's contained here within are the property of J.K.Rowling and not me. Damn. You know, it's been five months since I've even glanced at this story but this morning I was just wandering around some sites and then WHAM! the short one-shot decided to become a full-fledged story. When You Cry Chapter One: Ashes and Sunrise By: Skylar Inari James Harold Potter, heir of the Potter clan, number one on the most lusted after boys at Hogwarts was completely drained. Four hours, thirty-five sheets of parchment, five broken quills, countless ink stains on his hands and he had finally done it. He'd written a letter to Lily. It wasn't that long really but every word had taken more energy than he'd ever have thought possible. Just for a letter. Running a hand through his hair he stared down at it. The lopsided penmanship, looking shakier than normal. Every word down there had come from his heart. Was it normal to be so exhausted after writing from the heart? Or was he just out of practice? Rolling it up being careful not to get any ink stains on it he tucked it into an empty pocket, one where he was sure it wouldn't be sat on. He'd ask Moony to help him figure out how to give it to her. Merlin knew he'd blotch it up. Things always seemed to go wrong when he tried to talk to Lily. Like that time in fourth year when he'd tried to ask her to come with him to Hogsmeade... It had been raining lightly and they were at Care of Magical Creatures when he had just turned to her, smiled a winning smile and all hell had broken loose. One of the hippogriffs had broken loose and gone careening headlong towards him. It hadn't even been conscious thought, he'd just ducked behind the nearest person without even thinking about it. Only that person had been Lily. He winced at the memory. Then there was that time with the clingy pink bubbles during fifth... No. He had to stop going over all the things that had gone wrong. At least she didn't truly hate him, that was something. She just preferred he stay away from her. Feeling slightly offended for some obscure reason, James gathered his stuff up and strode out of the library thinking slightly miffed thoughts. From the way she reacted to his presence you'd think that he liked having magical accidents happen whenever he was around her. Damnit. *** Dinner was it's normal flurry of activity, and James tried hard to pretend that he didn't have the letter in his pocket. It was like a brand or something, he couldn't get it out of his mind. The thing seemed to grow heavier with each passing hour and the food he had managed to choke down settled in his stomach like a lump of lead. At least he had managed to ask Lupin to help him. He only had to last until after Astronomy. Glancing irritably down at his watch he bit back a sigh. Only six more hours. Six long unending hours until he could do something about it. Listening to Sirius rapid-fire denunciation of a certain greasy-haired git, and Peter's laughing voice teasing Remus about the girl he'd be ogling during History of Magic he allowed his gaze to wander. Movement caught his eye. She was getting up, by the looks of it to do homework. He wondered irrationally if she'd care for help, before mentally slapping himself silly. That'd be all she needed, more pity, from her point of view. Besides, she did well enough in Transfiguration and beat him in every other class. Rumor was that she was slated to become Head Girl next year. He envied the boy who became Head Boy. Certainly it wasn't going to be him. Sure, he'd made Prefect, but everybody knew that marks got you that far and other qualities were what were considered when choosing such an important post. With his history of pranks, breaking curfew, and scuffles in the hallway with several Slytherin, it'd be a cold day in hell before he made Head Boy. Stuffing a last forkful of food into his mouth, he followed his friends out of the hall. *** He was staring blankly again at his homework. This was getting pathetic. Really. He couldn't even remember what he was supposed to be doing on this assignment. A chair shifted, his head shot up. Remus took a seat across from him and quietly inspected his work with a grimace. "You've really mangled this you know." "I have? How?" He reached for the paper. "What did I do wrong?" "Well, for starters you did the wrong topic. We're doing drying potions, not - " Remus glanced down at the paper, "...hair growth draughts." "Oh." James fiddled with his quill. "Hadn't realized I was quite that out of it." "Obviously." James looked around to change the subject, and noticed for the first time that Sirius and Peter were gone, "Where..." "To the kitchens for more food. You'd better start acting more like yourself when they come back. They're getting wind of something not being right." "But I've acted perfectly normal!" He protested, knowing that he'd done no such thing. "What gave them that idea?" "Well, it could be that you barely touched dinner. Or the fact that you didn't even hear Sirius ask you five times for your arithmancy book before he decided to take it anyway. Or -" He held up a hand wearily, "Alright, I get the point." Remus looked at him seriously, "I was wondering why you haven't told them." Sighing, James pushed his glasses up further on his nose. "Sirius would think it was a grand joke, and Peter couldn't keep a secret about girls if his life depended on it. I don't want to go through that, and more importantly it's the last thing that Lily needs." "Yes, well. That's what friends do. Now, cheer up. I can here them coming. And we've only got two more hours until Astronomy. You'll live 'til then." He patted him on the back then went to berate their friends about all the noise they were making. Shoving his books away from him, James joined them in order to laugh away the remaining hours. The hours 'til he could do something, and not just sit around. *** Fifteen minutes left. Fifteen god-forsaken minutes left. James felt as if his nerves were stretched wire-tight, while at the same time berating himself for getting so worked up over simply planning how to give her the letter. It wasn't like he was asking her out for a date or something. Adjusting his telescope he jotted down a few more coordinates before his brain returned to it's musing again. Should he send it anonymously? By owl? Or should he give it to her, while they were both in private with no one else around. Perhaps, he could slip it into her notes... A book came sharply down on his head, accompanied by Professor Sinistra's admonition to pay closer attention to his studies. Rubbing the spreading ache in the back of his head, he glanced at the clock and had to stifle excitement. Five more minutes! They could clean up and go. Suddenly he felt better than he had since writing the letter. Resisting the urge to sing like a madman, he stacked away his things, listened to Professor Sinistra's lecture on proper behavior and copied down their homework assignment. Leaving the classroom with his friends he felt a mad desire to jump up in the air a whoop. Life would be fine now. The waiting period was over! *** Gods, thought Remus Lupin tiredly, thank Circe that James perked up. Sirius was going to drag him down to Pomfrey if his moping had gone on much longer. And how would James have explained that he wasn't ill, and that he was just...well, lovesick? He doubted very much that James would care for that description. At least, he was acting fine now. If a little hyper, but that could easily be put down towards needing sleep. For his part Remus figured it was his happiness at being able to do something. James wasn't one to sit around. Patience was most definitely not a virtue for his friend. Watching affectionately as Sirius and James clowned around prodding each other with their wands when the other wasn't looking, with Peter trailing behind them just out of wand reach. It was rather creepy, watching James' mood swings when it came to Lily. They were savage in their strength and depth, he mused, figuring his wand. He shuddered as he remembered the first time they'd overheard Snape, Rosier and Wilkes taunt Lily, calling her a mudblood. James had nearly killed them later. Reaching the common room, he gave the password since James had just squirted Sirius with water causing him to reach out blindly to mock-strangle the closest person (who just happened to be Peter) who then tripped Sirius and shot what looked like clear slime at both Sirius and James. All in all it was just a common evening and he reveled in it. Stepping in, he grabbed Peter and dragged the smaller boy in backwards helping him avoid the counter-spells that had been shot at him. Laughing Sirius and James climbed into the common room, and straightened up. Over by the fire some third years seemed to be playing with something. He didn't give it much thought, they'd done much the same at that age - hell, they still did that quite often. Engaged in shoving at each other, Sirius underestimated his strength as they walked by the group at the fire place, pushing James front first into the middle of the experiment. Fully expecting James to get up and shove Sirius to the ground again, Peter and Remus continued to the dorm stairs. Then the screaming started. Wirling around Remus had a quick glimpse of James frantically beating flames off his robes, the third years panicked and bolted. Sirius stared in horror for a second before quickly dousing James in ice-cold water. Breathing a sigh of relief, he heard Peter slump down onto the stair. Looking at James he was relieved to note that James had managed to get off with barely being touched. His robes were trashed but... Oh no, realized Remus. The letter had been in those robes. Sirius was getting increasingly agitated by James unresponsiveness. Remus, looked at James white-pinched face and knew that his suspicions were true. The letter was no more. Worried at the lack of response, Sirius grabbed James arms and dragged him over to a couch. The ash-covered boy sat stiffly, in shock. Remus reached down and touched Peter's shoulder. "Hey, can you start cleaning that up? We'll deal with him." The smaller boy nodded and went to the fireplace. Remus saw to James and Sirius who was trying in vain to get some sort of response from his friend. "James --" That was all he got out. The taller boy, suddenly freed from his paralysis stood shaking off Sirius, looked at the scorch marks on the floor near the fire place with a wild expression on his face and bolted from the common room. Sirius was flabbergast. "What - why...?" "Uh, guys? Is it because of this?" Peter held up a tiny scrap of parchment. The long-haired boy rushed over to Peter and grabbed the paper. Remus wondered how James would react when he saw the paper Sirius held in disbelieving hands. It just had to be those words that had survived. "...love you Lily Evans." *** James wasn't quite sure why he had run. It wasn't like running would help him any. The letter was gone, nothing but ashes on his clothes and he knew that he wouldn't be able to write another letter like that for quite a while. It had been a waste. In no time at all, he ended back up in the Astronomy Tower for the second time that night. Stripping off his robe, thanking his lucky stars that he'd worn other clothes underneath and that they hadn't been touched, James flung himself into a comfortable chair miserable. Gone, the blasted thing that had taken him hours to work on eliminated in a few seconds. Worst was, that he couldn't even blame anybody. It wasn't anyone's fault. Not even his own. Sitting there, with his morbid thoughts and pensive mood James wasn't even aware of when he fell asleep. *** He woke up. Dazed looking around the room confused until his brain supplied him the events that had happened to cause him to end up in a place so far from his dorm. Oh. That. Trying vainly to smooth his hair down he put that out of his mind firmly. There'd be more than enough time to dwell on it later. Looking out over the balcony, he saw that it was nearly sunrise. Far earlier than when he normally got up. Stuffing his burnt robes in the fireplace that the house-elves had no doubt kept going he left. Deciding he'd borrow one of the school brooms for some impromptu quidditch practice (to keep his mind off that and attempt to keep himself awake at this ungodly hour of the morning) he strode briskly towards the entrance. Turning a corner he saw her. She was sitting on the entryway stairs, obviously there to enjoy the early morning view and fresh air. With what looked like a sketch-book in her hands, her hair pulled back in a simple ponytail she looked absolutely adorable. Of course, he was biased. He took a step towards her, his half-baked notion flying practice dying in it's tracks. She looked up, her face startled at the sound of someone else. He hoped she wouldn't go. She smiled, a bit nervously, but that was fine James could live with nervousness, and gestured for him to sit down. He did, returning her smile, a sensation that left him giddy inside raging through his body. All of a sudden, he was glad for the first time ever to be up at sunrise. ~0ooo0ooo0~ On to Chapter Two *not up* Back to Book Fanfiction Back to Fiction Back to Home |