| You have probably seen or at least heard about the quite popular animated movie Shark Tale (rated PG for �crude humor�...now that�ll drive people away, although I found Shrek about twenty times more gross). I just recently went to see it with Mhiko and my mom, my first time going to the theatre since Return of the King last February. Yes, I know that�s a long time, but, hey, I still hadn�t gotten over the price of popcorn at the place, okay? Which brings up a note for those of you who are also victims of the sinister plans of theatre�s all across the country: have you considered a really big purse? I guess that�s rather irrelevant, but it�s just a thought. Okay, now back to our movie in question: Shark Tale. Here�s the basic idea: Oscar, a fish, lives at the bottom of the reef and doesn�t like it there � he wants to be rich. Lenny is a vegetarian shark who�s father can�t stand him for being such a wimp. Lenny�s brother takes him out into the reef to teach him how to be a shark and eat things, where they run into Oscar who is all tied up and in a bad way because he owed another fish called Psych five thousand dollars and couldn�t pay it. Lenny�s brother chases after Oscar, and while he is doing so, an anchor falls on his head and kills him. The other fish see Oscar with a dead shark, think he killed it, and hey, presto! Oscar is rich and famous while Lenny still would rather be a dolphin (someone needs to tell the poor guy that dolphins are carnivorous, too). On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the greatest, I would have to give it a 6 or 7. It�s just not clever enough, compared to Finding Nemo for instance. Or maybe it was just the fact that there�s fish kissing (puh-LEEZ). The characters were sort of blah: mostly all the same, no quirks or different types. The funniest ones (in my opinion) were probably the Jamaican jellyfish. When they weren�t torturing Oscar, anyway. Crazy what�s-his-name was pretty cool, too, but he played no part in the plot. The whole setting really wasn�t that different from human life in a big city, only it�s underwater and there are fish instead of people, see? Actually, the reef kind of looked like Tokyo, now that I think about it. The whole atmosphere was a little wild, including the annoying background music (although the background music IS purely my opinion � I just can�t stand rap). As for the wimp of a shark, Lenny, he�s funny but also rather annoying...which is part of what makes him funny. He�s the kind of guy...er...shark...who would cry if someone spilled milk on his new coloring book. He even dresses up like a dolphin at one point, apparently thinking they�re better than sharks. Which brings up the age-old conflict: which are better, dolphins or sharks? It all depends on who you�re in the water with, really. But, I mean, come on, have you ever been to the dolphin tank at Sea World? They love you only for your fish. Then again, sharks don�t love you at all. But at least they�re honest about it, you know? I guess the whole overall message of the movie is that money and fame don�t by happiness. You need to be content with what you have and are. Of course, we do have a slight conflict with that in the movie with Lenny, who still wants to be a dolphin even by the end of the movie. But perhaps we can disregard him because he isn�t the main character. Overall, sure, the movie was good (even though that 21 bucks we spent kind of hurt, but it was worth it), just not ideal. It�s certainly a lot better than the onslaught of really terrible movies these past couple months (or am I thinking of the past 30 years?...), but we�ll still be hoping for better with The Incredibles. Whenever I get over my money to see that. I think I�m going to start a theatre price reform. Hey, hey, who�s with me?...Mhiko? Where�d you go?... |
| REVIEW ON SHARK TALE By Sera Amadis |
| Yes! It�s finally here! The review that you have been waiting for on one of the biggest releases of the year, The Incredibles. This animated film is undoubtedly the best movie made this year. It is mainly centered, of course, around superheroes, the biggest ones being Mr. Incredible � his ability being superhuman strength � and Flexigirl, whose ability is to stretch herself to incredible lengths and into really odd shapes. Those two get married, and around this time Mr. Incredible is sued for saving a man falling from a building who wanted to commit suicide. The trend caught on, and soon everyone was suing superheroes for some sort of damage or another. Eventually, a law is instituted that says that all superheroes must stop saving people and start leading normal lives (easy said, huh?) So Mr. Incredible and Flexigirl buy a house and lead a quiet life as the Parr family. During that time, they have three kids: Violet, who can make herself invisible and create force fields; Dash, who can run at ridiculously high speeds; and the baby, who is too young for his ability to manifest itself yet. Mr. Incredible, however, hates having to live a normal life, so when he is invited to secretly begin superhero work again he jumps at the chance without telling his family. As it turns out, the people he is working for are shady and take him captive, making his family go on a wild chase looking for him. The movie, rightly so, is rated PG for violence. When you have people with such abilities, you�re bound to have a lot of really cool fights with giant machines and things of that nature. I hardly really need to say anything about what makes it so great: you can see it all right in the plot. Besides being adventurous, it shines out even more so in humor, such as when Mr. Incredible started lifting weights to get back in shape for superhero work again: using box cars from trains as weights. And then we have the wonderful, three-foot tall seamstress Edna who sews their supersuits. �...And it�s machine washable, too,� she says to Helen Parr (Flexigirl), when showing her the new suits she created for them. �That�s a new feature.� All in all, the movie lives up to its name and is well worth seeing � even the seven bucks for the tickets. So, if you haven�t seen it already, go call your friend right now and go to the theatre! |
| REVIEW ON THE INCREDIBLES By Sera Amadis |
| Mhiko: So, Sera, have you seen that movie Hidalgo lately? Sera: �. Hidalgo. HI-dalgo�. Hi-dal-GO�. Hi-DAL-go� Mhiko: Hidalgo? The movie with the horse? Sera: HORSE! (swoons) Mhiko: Er, anyways, we thought we�d give all you good movie-goers out there a review on this movie. Discourse style! (even though it�s probably been reviewed to death by now.) Sera: Actually, it�s based on the true story of a man named Frank Hopkins and his half Spanish mustang horse Hidalgo and the race across the Arabian Desert. So Hollywood took it, twisted it into an unrecognizable tale, and kept the names the same so we would think it�s a true story. Mhiko: Pretty much. But it was still good. Sera: Because of the HORSE! Mhiko: What was the name of that race? The Lake of Fire? Sera: Er, that�s the name for hell, Mhiko. Mhiko: Whatever. It had fire in it. Sera: We think. Mhiko: I like fire�. Sera: (pats Mhiko on the back tolerantly.) We know. Mhiko: Anyway, the story starts with� Sera: A HORSE! Mhiko: Yes, a horse. But it also focuses on Frank Hopkins, retired (and drunk) war hero. Sera: But mostly a horse. Mhiko: Yes. Horse. Moving on. Take one wild guess why he�s drunk. Sera: One of his horses must have died and he�s trying to drink away the pain. Mhiko: Actually, that aptly would describe something you would do, Sera. Sera: I know. I drank three sodas the night my goose died. Mhiko: No you didn�t. Sera: Yeah, but I could have. Mhiko: GETTING BACK TO THE STORY� Sera: Oh yeeeeaaaaah� Mhiko: He�s drunk because he�s trying to forget about his part in an Indian massacre. Sera: Which is so typical Hollywood. The settlers did make many mistakes with the Indians, but it really doesn't do a whole lot of good to bring it up and magnify it like the movie did. It creates racism. Which is not a good thing in this dimension. Mhiko: But Sera, we must remember that most Hollywood producers don�t come from this dimension in the first place. Sera: Then where do they come from? Mhiko: Storks. Sera: Ah. Well anyways, it was mostly Indians running around scalping white people and not the other way around in the 1800s, so everything balances out. Mhiko: Because white people don�t generally scalp people. Sera: If you read the history books anyways. Mhiko: But who reads those? Sera: So by some strange circumstances Hopkins ends up entering an endurance race across the Arabian desert in hopes of killing himself. Mhiko: Well, I don�t think he was trying to kill himself. Sera: Yeah, but he could have. Mhiko: ANYWAY�. Overall there was a good deal of adventure with locusts� Sera: LOCUSTS!!! Mhiko: �a tsunami-like sandstorm� Sera: A tsunami? In the desert? Mhiko: �and extremely competitive opposition. Sera: Yeah. They try to kill him! And the horse too! Curse them for picking on an innocent animal! Mhiko: I�m trying to be poetic here. Sera: Eh heh. Sorry. Mhiko: There was also a little bit of comic relief when the horse was nearing death-- Sera: And the whole audience was on the edge of their seats, praying desperately for the life of the horse! Mhiko: I wasn�t. Sera: Curse you! But anyway, the funniest part of the movie occurred when the horse was nearing death (a time when we really needed some comic relief) and Frank Hopkins tried to sing "Oh, Susanna" with a parched throat. Mhiko: Actually, I think he was calling up Indian spirits. Which brings up the question, why are there Indian spirits in the Arabian desert? Sera: Weakness in geography on Hollywood�s part. Mhiko: The movie was very interesting, but we noticed a disturbing trend towards nihilism (the principle of nothingness, a very hopeless or depressing outlook on life.) and pagan religion. Sera: Like when he lets the horse go in the end, as if it can be part of something bigger and better than simply the relationship between man and horse, implying that love is not strong enough to keep them together. I mean, when my horse gets out he doesn�t run off like a free spirit, never to return. In fact, he�s usually back in his stall within thirty seconds looking for oats. And a kiss from his loving master! (swoon) Mhiko: You really like your horse, don�t you Sera? Sera: He�s so beautiful! One day we will escape to India and get married. Mhiko: � Sera: What? Mhiko: As I was saying�. The horse in the movie, however, displayed excellent acting abilities, and seems to have a promising future in the movies business. Sera: Oh yes, definitely. But of course, Mhiko, all of this brings up the question� Mhiko: What question is that Sera? Sera: Why isn�t my Nighthawk in the movies yet? I mean, he�s got the looks, he�s got the talent. Mhiko: It�s one of two things. Either stupidity on Hollywood�s part� Sera: Or stupidity on Hollywood�s part? Mhiko: No. I was going to say stupidity on your part. Sera: What? I don�t know Hollywood�s address, ok? Mhiko: Sera, Hollywood is a city. Sera: I knew that. Mhiko: Sure you did. Sera: Hey Mhiko, let�s tell our fans a little story about a certain girl and a certain bottle of pain killers� you know, her name starts with an m and ends with a o�. Mhiko: Well that�s all the time we have for today! Sera: But wait, I�m not finished yet! Mhiko: (drags Sera under the couch cushions and sits on her) Tune in next time! Bye! Sera: Mmph! |
| A DISCOURSE ON HIDALGO By Mhiko Kihonae and Sera Amadis |
| Wow! Am I ever on a role! I�ve actually been to four movies in the ever since January of 2004! I�m, like...a theatre frequenter now. On the other hand, who can restrain from watching a movie about animals? Well, getting to the film in question: the plot of Racing Stripes revolves around a zebra. And zebras have stripes. Thusly, Racing Stripes. Clever, eh? Well, anyway, this zebra�s name is Stripes (holy smokes!) Stripes was accidentally left behind by a circus and found by a farmer, who took him in and allowed his daughter to keep him. The farm is situated right next to a race track, and Stripes, at the ripe young age of...uh...a really little zebra, is determined to become a racehorse. The racehorses laugh at him, of course. Poor Stripes. Well, Stripes grows up on this farm with various other animals and, with the help of his friends (including a gangster pelican named Goose), devises a plan to make the farmer�s daughter ride him to the race track where she works. The farmer�s wife, however, died in a racing accident, and, thusly, the farmer is quite leery about letting his daughter ride a zebra. I, personally, would be rather leery about riding a zebra myself, but we�ll get into that later. He lets her, however, and she soon finds out how fast Stripes can run. Through a long, nail-biting series of events, Stripes is entered into a huge race. Now, to my expert critique. The movie was good. Yeah. Okay, well, I suppose I�ll give you details. Of course, just the fact that it had animals made it really good, but aside from that it was very funny and rather adventurous. The flies, sadly enough, really made it. They were wonderful, especially the song they sang (�Black and ivory, living in harmony�) as they danced on Stripes coat. And I have to say, I wish that our flies would be as supportive to our horses. But noooo, they�re not supportive to my poor Nighthawk. They bite him! Well, getting back to the movie, another thing that made it pretty funny was the character development on the animals. There were the rapper flies, of course, and I also looooved the chicken! Whoever wrote the script for that rooster must have known chickens inside out, because that�s exactly how they are. Air-headed, noisy, and absolutely loveably innocent. I�m afraid that the goat�s character was rather a miss, however. The goat was portrayed as a wise, compassionate creature. Perhaps such a goat does exist, but in the fifty or so goats that have come, gone, and stayed in my goat pen, I have found them to be, in fact, quite mean-spirited, stupid, and impossible to train. Did I mention that I spent a whole year trying to teach one of my goats to shake hands and she still doesn�t know how to do it while my bird, who supposedly has one sixteenth of the mental capacity of a mammal, learned to do it in but a two-minute lesson sitting on the back of a kitchen chair? But, hey, this isn�t a goat-bashing party, this is a movie review. The movie also kept interest in the adventure department. Numerous fights with the racehorses and, of course, the race itself, are prime examples. And perhaps fellow equestrians can quite relate to the adventure of simply being on the back of an extremely skittish equine as the farmer�s daughter takes Stripes to the racing gate with all the bells, banging, cheering, and whistles going on. Of course, it doesn�t take bells, banging, cheering, and whistles to frighten my horse into a frenzy. It just takes, oh, say, a hay bale. Never mind that he sees hay bales every single day of his little horsey life. Or mailboxes. Horses really hate mailboxes. And, of course, I�m sure even non-equestrians can find some exhilaration in watching a horse run full-speed on a track. There�s nothing like that feeling, I tell ya. Riding a horse at a full gallop is truly exhilarating...that is, until the horse runs into a low-hanging branch or jumps over a beehive or gets overly-excited or frightened and begins to buck like hell on wheels. Then that exhilarating feeling changes to just plain ol� terror. Thank you, Nighthawk. You make my life BEYOND interesting. And, speaking of riding, this brings up a nagging question: I have always heard that zebras are untamable. How did they not only tame a zebra but train it for riding and bomb-proof it for the rigors of being a movie star? This, of course, leads to an error in the movie when the farmer�s daughter puts a saddle on Stripes for the first time�he doesn�t even spook!�and when she hops on him, he walks, runs, and turns for her like a horse that�s been under saddle all its life. I mean, I�ve been training my horse for two years, and he�s still leery of the saddle. Well, overall, the movie really rocked, and I would recommend it. Unless you are an animal-hater, but, let�s be honest with the world: animal-haters really don�t exist. An old wive�s tale, really. And, despite all the fun I�ve made of my little Nighthawk�s trail horse abilities, he really IS a great horse and a lot of fun�if a bit risky�to ride. So wash it out of your mind if you get this picture of a holy terror. I STILL say that he would make a good house pet, but my parents beg to differ... |
| REVIEW ON RACING STRIPES By Sera Amadis |
| Well, it�s the grand finale. The question is, of course this: is it, indeed, grand? We have seen this movie and it has passed through the refining fires of our brains. Which implies that our brains are on fire, which explains quite a few things. Okay, but getting on to the movie in question: Return of the King Extended Edition, a total of four hours and ten minutes of the grandest entertainment that you could ask for. Now, hopefully Mhiko can banish the rapping elves from her head, and we can give an intelligent review on this. Or perhaps it is too late for that. For those of you have been living in a cave, the main idea is that the climactic fate-deciding actions and battles take place here, a conclusion to a story that you�ll just have to read on the back of the movie (which, considering, Return of the King doesn�t have, so you might be in trouble). Going straight into some �likes,� we have two words for you: mass destruction. This is the very trademark of a wonderful movie...in fact, it is the very trademark of a wonderful anything. The battles were well-planned out and destructive. It was gloriously chaotic. We have to admit, during the Minas Tirith battles we had a hard time not breaking into song, �Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!� It�s just...beautiful. Brings a tear of joy to the driest eye. Alright, we need to redeem ourselves from that statement: when we see up close and personal the good guys who are dying, it does become sad. In particular, the horses that are dying. Poor horses...it�s not like the unfortunate beasts requested such a fate! Come to think of it, does anyone? It all works together for a wonderful emotional effect, at any rate. The music adds to this effect in an astounding way; the movie would simply not be the same without it (and it wouldn�t be the same in a bad way, mind you). In fact, the soundtrack is recommendable even if you did not enjoy the movies (for shame!) Every score blends immaculately with the pulse-pounding battles, heart-wrenching decisions on the characters� parts, and touching character-to-character and even character-to-horse interactions. (Sera: What do you mean EVEN character-to-horse?) Shush. (Sera: Give me the keyboard!) This, of course, brings us to our next topic: horses. They�re so beautiful! Not to mention very well trained. We do think, however, that they could have put many more close-ups of Shadowfax�s beautiful face. So...in...love...Er...which we suppose brings us into a wide world of something we call: characters. You know, the story just isn�t the story without them. In fact, it would only be the ring...sitting there. Doing nothing. Well, let�s not look too much into those unpleasant thoughts. That would be a very boring movie. We noticed, however, that there was some character weakening (especially in Frodo) occurring in the transfer from book to movie. Arwen, for instance, looked like a slut judging from her questionable outfits, and Denethor just plain ol� drove us crazy. We must admit that we were cheering when he threw himself off the edge of his palace, exploding in flames. Ah, the wonders of spontaneous combustion. And, for another thing, how many weasels did he have to kill to get that fur coat of his? Tell us that! Then again, that might be good, because weasels kill chickens. The unforgivable sin, killing chickens is. So please don�t get the idea that we are campaigners for the Weasel Protection Agency. On the other hand, let us move on. There were some plot changes from the book to the movie which we had mixed feelings about. Then, there were the plot changes that were simply unforgivable. Saruman�s death was one of these. That�s not what happened, darn it! They had time for it (four hours of time, geez) so why didn�t they show the hobbits� one moment of shining glory? The scene in the Shire with Saruman�s control of the poor short ones was near and dear to our hearts (Mhiko has an affinity for short people... can hobbits be called people?) And their role in the death of Saruman was a grand thing indeed. And, for another thing, what�s with Frodo telling Sam to go home? From there until they joined up again was a flop. It weakens Frodo�s already suffering character (which downright clashes with the book in some cases, because Tolkien created him as the hero), and it also was simply not the same in Shelob�s lair without Sam saying something to the effect of, �Trumpets and glory, Mr. Frodo! The Elves will sing a song about that, won�t they?� as he did in the book. (Gotta love Sam.) There were, however, some good things. Very good things, in fact. Like the horses! (Mhiko: Shut up, Sera.) The houses of healing (even if it was just a blip) was in the extended edition, which is sure to bring joy to any fan�s heart. We also really enjoyed the end. It didn�t carry quite so much sorrow as the book and was definitely easier to bear. And Bilbo�s line of, �Oh, boy! I think I shall have another adventure!� (in a paraphrase form) was truly priceless. We want to sail across the sea to into the west! Oh, wait...we are west. We�re in America. Well, anyway...........what are those bagpipes we hear? In conclusion, we believe that the movie will go down through the years as a timeless classic...a flawed timeless classic in comparison to the books, yes, but a timeless classic nonetheless. Let�s just say the movie makes you feel like singing, �Hallelujah!� in its moments of glory. (Mhiko: ...Can I bring my rapping elves back yet?...) |
| REVIEW ON RETURN OF THE KING: EXTENDED EDITION By Sera Amadis and Mhiko Kihonae |
| We�ve all had those times in our lives when we have an irresistible longing to go dig something up that�s been buried for years, discover some spectacular secret hidden away, or find something that was thought to have been lost forever. You know what I�m talking about; the treasure hunt phase. Most of us, however outgrow that phase (barring myself, who never outgrows anything), but not so with childhood friends Jerry, Dan, and Tom. After the death of their dear friend Billy, the trio stumbles upon a carefully planned trip that Billy had for them the summer before which would lead them on the treasure hunt they had always dreamed of. With enough beer to get a small army drunk, a carefully planned treasure map, and no clue in the world, these three chase after the fabled treasure of D.B. Cooper whose ill-gotten fortune vanished when his airplane crashed in the Oregon mountains thirty years ago. But from the start it seems that the three have the world set against them. Wild river rapids, pot-farming pyromaniacs, crazed environmentalists, and mishap after mishap keep digging Jerry, Dan, and Tom a deeper hole. Now that they have no idea where they�re going and two gun-toting men who want their blood at their heels, the three must find a way down the mountain before their enemies find them. Without A Paddle is what I have come to expect of Hollywood movies from my experience; side-splitting absurdity, morals about life and love, quirky characters, crude jokes, rude comments, and sexually suggestive scenes. Let�s begin with the points worth mentioning about it. For example, it had hilarious characters. Dan, for one, really helped make the movie. In his own words he �gains a new and exciting phobia everyday�. This poor guy is afraid of nearly everything, including bugs, germs, the dark, close spaces, knives, needles, and cellophane. Yes, I said cellophane. Then there�s Tom, who is a habitual liar and fugitive and had been arrested more times than I have fingers� and toes. The only serious character (Jerry) hates responsibility and likes living in the moment. Together they form a trio more entertaining than the Three Stooges ever were. The plot was also a plus. Without A Paddle�s original storyline keeps the audience interested and guessing all along the way. Going from a dear friend�s funeral to the wilds of Oregon (Oregon has wilds? Learn something new everyday, I guess.) with plenty of plot twists along the way, Without A Paddle banishes the word clich� from the start (which kept me quite happy. Down with clich�s!). Finally, the overall moral was something to take home; life is more precious than anything money can buy. When all is said and done, all three main characters have grown up in some way and turn their lives around for the better. Jerry finally commits to his girlfriend, Dan learns to live without fear, and Tom ends up� well you�re just going to have to see that for yourself. If you decide to watch it at all, however, because here�s where things get ugly� Because alas, here arises the issues that must be dealt with. First, it�s incredibly crude. Many parts had me blushing with embarrassment just because I was watching it. Tom has an affair with a woman whose lover turns out to be another woman. Jerry, Dan, and Tom spend nearly half the movie running around in their boxers in the rain. Two women talk about doing highly questionable things together naked. Frequent remarks are made as to seeing someone�s private parts. Jerry lives with his girlfriend. As if that weren�t enough, constant revolting jokes are made (which I won�t repeat here). Disgusting and horrendous in many places, this movie begs to be cleaned up. If not for the sexual innuendos and bathroom humor in it, Without A Paddle would have been a wonderful family movie. However, the loveable characters and storyline don�t override the constant barrage of worldly philosophy. As a Christian and a big sister, this reviewer would definitely think twice before recommending it to anyone. |
| WITHOUT A PADDLE By Mhiko Kihonae |
| REVIEW ON HOME ON THE RANGE By Sera Amadis |
| Well, I�ve been trying to cut back on spending money on those ridiculously-priced tickets at the theatre, so I have decided to temporarily resort to doing reviews on new DVD releases. DID YOU KNOW THAT IT COSTS A STUPID $2.50 JUST TO RENT A STUPID DVD???? Our world is in a sad state, my friends. Well, anyways, most of the new releases looked like a dead end (PG-13 is very bad for me), so I opted to review for all our wonderful readers a semi-new release: Home on the Range (rated PG for a few scenes containing crude humor). So, getting to the plot, there�s this cow named Maggie who arrives at a ranch called Patch of Heaven�her old ranch has gone off to auction because her owner couldn�t pay his bills because all his cows were stolen by a rustler named Slim. However, the same day she arrives, the sheriff tells the owner of Patch of Heaven that she has three days to pay the $750 that she owes for the ranch, or it would go off to auction. She doesn�t have the money. So Maggie, along with two other cows, Mrs. Callaway and Grace, sets out to get the money and soon decides that the thing to do would be to capture the cattle rustler Slim for which the reward is $750. It goes on from there. I did very much enjoy the movie, but my feelings were rather mixed on just how good it was, particularly in the realm of interest level, the characters, and the humor. While its impossible to get bored watching a full-length animated feature, when I compare Home on the Range to the many other cartoons that I�ve watched, the beginning was rather slow. I mean, face it, we�re not real interested in watching Maggie�s rear end while she�s following the wagon to Patch of Heaven, even if it is really fat. Fortunately, however, things started to go uphill very soon, especially when the horse, Buck, showed up (MY HERO!!!!). But the movie didn�t really get rolling until the cows attempted to get in the sheriff�s office. From there, it was mostly interesting except for a few of those dorky moments that I�ve come to expect from Disney (the cows almost drowning for instance; that was kind of a pathetic attempt). And, on a slightly side note, Slim�s yodeling was spectacular (it was almost worth watching the whole movie just for that), although I think he should probably lose the bright orange saloon-girl style suit. However, I also found several of the characters to be surprisingly disappointing. Maggie far too closely resembled a 350 pound lady with an ill temper and disgusting sense of humor, and Mrs. Callaway was too overly-snooty. The pigs rubbed me the wrong way, too, for whatever reason, although I did have to let out a cry of delight when they all cheered, �Kill the goat!!!� They�re pigs after my own heart. Fortunately, however, the rest of the characters were up to par and above. Grace and her psychology (�I think we should all just take a deep, cleansing breath...�) were perfect. The buffalo rocked, too, and the mysterious bounty hunter Rico was pretty cool until one of the cows sat on him. It�s hard to be mysterious and cool when there�s a cow sitting on you, know what I mean? And Buck, the hotshot stallion who knows karate, was beyond wonderful. He was the hero of the whole thing, if you ask me. He reminds me of my darling Nighthawk, and he also provided some very good insights as to WHY my darling Nighthawk does some of the things he does. When he yanks on his reins and runs away, it isn�t because he�s being difficult; he just wants to run off and be a hero! I knew he had it in him, the little son of a gun. Um, anyways, getting back to Buck. His martial art skills were very admirable, and he�s wonderfully cunning besides�and plenty funny, too! The humor in the movie would have been a bull�s-eye if it weren�t for Maggie and Mrs. Callaway. I really didn�t find Maggie�s burping all that funny�it was immature, and I wonder how long it�s going to take all these movie makers to figure out that that kind of stuff just doesn�t work for most audiences, except for a few four-year-olds who have a lot of growing up to do. The contrast between Maggie and Mrs. Callaway was also meant to be funny, but I didn�t care for it. It was too obviously intentional. Grace, once again, was the only cow who helped us in this area. Her voice works perfectly with all her brainless, �I think we have a few anger management issues to discuss� psychology stuff. Her singing was also rather...interesting. Especially when the vultures started to circle, thinking that she was dying. Buck, of course, was perfectly funny with his hotshot attitude. He�s all that, definitely. And I loved the triplet brothers who were partners with Slim. When Slim was trying to put on his wealthy landowner disguise (Y.O. Del), they cried out in shock and despair, �Who are you? Where�s Uncle Slim?� Even Rico had a few funny moments (besides the time when the cow sat on him), such as catching a fly and telling it, �Shhh� in all seriousness. All said and done, the movie has its flaws, yes, but it�s definitely worth the watch. It�s hilarious, not to mention very clean (if you don�t mind cows belching, anyway). AND it insults goats. AND it has a really cool horse. Can you get any better than that folks? Go on, go on. |
| REVIEW ON MADAGASCAR By Sera Amadis |
| Well, I�ve been waiting for it ever since those premature previews came out, and it�s finally here: Madagascar, a funny, animated story about zoo animals who, through a series of unlikely events, end up in the wild. Animals, funny, animated...it just has all the makings of a good movie. Anyways, it�s Marty�s, a zebra, tenth birthday, and for his birthday wish he wants to go to...the wild. His three friends, Gloria the hippo, Melman the giraffe, and Alex the lion, tell him he�s crazy. He says, �Yeah, yeah, sorry, you�re right��then sneaks off in the middle of the night to go catch a train to the wilds of Connecticut. The other three freak out when they realize he�s gone, so they run after him, and, in doing so, scare everybody to death. Animal rights activists go crazy, saying that the poor creatures want to be free, so the zoo complies and ships the animals off to their native habitats. On the way, however, the ship is overtaken by penguins. Yes, I said penguins. Stop giving me that look. When they turn the ship around to head for Antarctica, however, the crates containing Marty, Alex, Gloria, and Melman, fall off into the ocean! Fortunately, however, they soon wash up on the shores of...Madagascar. In the wild. With nobody to feed them steaks!!! This is horrible. Overall, the whole movie totally rocked, even if the beginning was a little slow. It is one of the very few animated movies I�ve seen that has managed to pull off a little bit of emotional conflict without making it seem dorky, and it has beautifully creative characters. My one complaint with the whole movie would have to lie in the first ten minutes or so. It was generally just Marty spouting off how he wanted to go in the wild, which was rather boring. Fortunately, we did have Melman to punctuate it with a few moments of humor, and it started picking up once the animals escaped into New York (there�s nothing like a little old lady beating up a lion). While most of the movie is humor, I was extremely surprised when it had a little bit of emotional conflict that wasn�t the pathetic, squirt-milk-out-of-your-nose-because-it�s-so-stupid kind of stuff. When Alex became extremely hungry and kept almost eating his friends even though he didn�t want to, I actually felt...sympathy. Wow. The little �I don�t want to hurt you thing� was about as touching as an animated feature can get without going off the deep end. The best thing about the movie by far, however, is the characters. They make the whole thing. Just our four former zoo-dwellers could have made it extremely interesting (especially the clean freak Melman), but the penguins and lemurs added to and crowned it with an undeniable glory. The penguins� secret-agent style was hilariously perfect, and one of the best lines of the whole movie was when they finally reached their destination at Antarctica and, as they looked over the barren wasteland, one remarked, �Well, this sucks.� The lemurs were hilarious, too, particularly the king lemur (�Assistant, my hand is getting tired. Wave it for me. Faster, faster!!!�) and the little guy with the eyes that took up half of his face whose most frequent line was, �...Eh heh.� In conclusion, I think it was most worthwhile seven dollars I spent on a theatre ticket since Return of the King, and I even plan on renting it when it comes out on DVD. And before you know it, I�ll be poorer than dirt. But I will be a happy poor person... |
| REVIEW ON THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA By Sera Amadis and Mhiko Kihonae |
| Mhiko: Well, it�s a review discourse-style again. Sera: Yaaaaaay!!! Mhiko: It all started when Sera said those four fateful words: �Wanna spend the night?� Sera: Yaaaaaay!!! Mhiko: So, in an effort to make sure that we stayed up late for an appropriate amount of time, we embarked upon a journey to find something decent to watch on the television. Sera: Yaaaaaaay!!! Mhiko: Failing miserably in this endeavor, we made the trek all the way to the video store. Sera: Yaaaaay!!! Mhiko: Um...Sera? Sera: Yaaaaaaaay!!! Mhiko: Man, no more sugar for you. Sera: Yaaaaaay!!!�wait a second... Mhiko: Anyways, so we rented three movies, The Pacifier, Lemony Snicket�s a Series of Unfortunate Events, and The Phantom of the Opera. Sera: We tried to go for brand new releases, but all they had out were thrillers and romance junk. Excuse me while I go hurl. Mhiko: Yes, so, it seems you are stuck with a review on...semi-new releases. Sera: Sorry about that. Mhiko: Reviews on The Pacifier and Lemony Snicket�s blah blah blah will be coming shortly. Until then we shall review The Phantom of the Opera. Sera: To describe the movie in a word, it was totally, utterly, completely creepy. Alright, so that was four words, but I felt the former three to be quite necessary. Mhiko: But, first, a plot synopsis is in order. Sera:...It had a plot? I thought they were just running around singing... Mhiko: Yeees, Sera, it had a plot. Sera: Wow. What was it? Mhiko: Um...what was the plot? Let�s see...Christine Daae is an aspiring opera singer who is apparently protected by the mysterious Angel of Music. Sera: Also known as...THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!! (cue dramatic music) Mhiko: *slaps Sera* Don�t give it away!!! Now, where was I? Oh, yes. But as more and more mishaps befall Christine and people around her, she and her boyfriend� Sera: Who had a really stupid haircut. Mhiko: Yes, the haircut. So, anyways, she and the guy with a really stupid haircut endeavor to unravel the true identity of the phantom of the opera. Sera: Hence the name...The Phantom of the Opera. Mhiko: Let�s hit the good points first. Sera: Well, obviously, we had very pretty music. Mhiko: Yes, indeed. Also, the color and filmography were perfectly suited to each scene. For instance, when Christine is walking through the snow to her father�s grave� Sera: Or more like her father�s shrine. I mean, sheesh, the man�s dead and he practically has a whole hotel for heaven�s sakes. Mhiko:�Yes� Sera: While all those poor children out there go hungry!!! Mhiko: Sera... Sera: Oh, the selfishness!!!! Mhiko: We realize that, Sera. Sera:...Selfishness... Mhiko: Well, while Sera contemplates this, I think I shall finish my sentence. For once. Sera:...What? Mhiko: Nothing, dear. Sera: Dear?! Mhiko: *gags Sera* Now...where was I? Oh, yes, color and filmography. For instance, when Christine is walking through the snow to her father�s grave� Sera: Mausoleum. Mhiko: Sera... Sera: Sorry. Mhiko: Continuing on, in that particular scene, the colors are very grayed and subdued, very appropriate, and the light that bursts out from her father�s� Sera: Taj Mahal? Mhiko: *gives Sera death glare* Sera: No, no!!! Not the eyes! Not the eeeeyess!!! *gack, cough, choke*...dying... Mhiko: Ah, sweet silence. Sera: x.x Mhiko: Anyways...and the light that burst out from the...tomb casts sinister color to the gloomy scene. Sera:...Huh? I�m alive? Mhiko: Hey, what are you doing here? Sera: Well, Heaven wasn�t ready and Hell doesn�t want me, so they sent me back. Mhiko:...Joy. Sera: Do I sense sarcasm in that voice of yours? Mhiko: Oh, no, Sera, none whatsoever. *pulls out noose* Sera: AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! *throws Mhiko out the window and hopes she doesn�t come back* Don�t worry, Mhiko, I will continue the review bravely in your stead!!! Now...well, we covered the music and the filmography, so let�s get on to more important things: the movie was kind of boring. It took a small eternity to get anywhere and the music, while beautiful, got a little laborious after the twenty minute sequence of �Music of the night� or whatever that thing was. And just when you think they�re finished and some story is going to happen...they keep going. The only really interesting thing was when the guy with the bad haircut got his arm slashed open and there was a lot of blood. It was really cool. It was kind of cool when he almost drowned, too. And when the phantom dude almost hung him. So, see, bad haircuts never pay. Mhiko: *climbs back in window* Well, thank you, Sera, I fell and hit my head and gained a new respect for life and mankind and will now spend the rest of my days pursuing peace. Sera:...Really? Mhiko: No. *pulls switchblade out of pocket* Sera: Uh...Mhiko? AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! (a couple hours later) Mhiko: Well, now that I got that out of my system� Sera:...bleeding...badly...need...medical assistance...hey, is that ice cream? Gimme some! Mhiko: In conclusion�*wipes blood on knife off on shirt*�the soundtrack would certainly be worth buying, but the movie�s quality is questionable. Only watch it if you want to fall asleep. Sera: Or be seriously creeped out! Mhiko: Aren�t you dead yet? Sera: Mhiko...don�t lose your temper again...Mhiko? Mhiko?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! |
| REVIEW ON LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS By Sera Amadis and Mhiko Kihonae |
| What is it about three-eyed frogs, banana-thirsty leeches, and exploding doorknobs that strikes curiosity in the heart of the movie-goer? We think it has something to do with the depravity of mankind. But to keep from going too deep into the desperate state of the world, let us go ahead and do a plot synopsis on the movie Lemony Snicket�s A Series of Unfortunate Events. It all starts out with a fire. Fiiiiire...(Sera: *slaps Mhiko* Get a hold of yourself) Actually, it all starts with a really weird pessimistic dude writing a story. Or...no, actually, it starts with an irrelevant little elf. Well, we guess he becomes relevant later when they tear his head off for...um. Well. Who is THEY, you may ask? Well, THEY is the newly orphaned Baudelaire children. (Sera: Wow, I spelled Baudelaire right! Go me, go me, go me, go me...) (Mhiko: And it just about makes up for the time when you misspelled �the�) The three kids, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, after their parents perish in a mysterious fire, are sent to live with the quirky and terrifying Count Olaf, who is after the fortune that they are supposed to have inherited. What follows is...a series of unfortunate events. He keeps trying to kill them, which is totally not cool. Therefore, we have the ripping off of the little elf�s head. He was kind of ugly, anyways. Well, overall, while all colors were drab, washed out, and otherwise nonexistent and the backgrounds looked they came out of a child�s story book (a badly drawn story book), the movie was quite interesting and very unique. Frighteningly unique. Well, let�s get to the good stuff first and complain. First of all: does anyone have any idea that COLOR exists? We�ve seen movies from the 1920s that were more colorful than this. We simply must have our color. It is the way of the world. Also, the backgrounds and scenery were disturbing and very fake-looking. Surreal, if you will. It feels like a bad dream. Which I guess it is. Or, more in line with a series of unfortunate events. Behold. Okay, now, on to the good stuff. Unlike The Phantom of the Opera, A Series of Unfortunate Events is creepy in a good way. You know, like us. For example, Count Olaf�s drama club. Creepy in a kind of hilarious way. He practices his drama in a manner that lulls everyone to sleep, even when he�s munching on their hair. �Let�s go back to prehistoric times when dinosaurs ruled the earth! RAAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR!!!!!� And we thought Mhiko�s brother was creepy. Also, the plot, characters, and settings were...unique. In fact, the characters were REALLY unique. Knock-on-skull unique. Special ed kind of unique. Let�s take Aunt Josephine. �Oh, please, come in, quickly! Oh, but...not that quickly. You might trip on the doormat and decapitate yourselves.� Phobia much? In fact, it�s uniqueness has inspired us profoundly. We have discovered the secret of attaining world peace simply by...by...(Sera: I have writer�s block...) (Mhiko: Darn your lack of ice cream!) (Sera: Let�s go to Cold Stone) (Mhiko: Okay! You�re paying, right?) |
| REVIEW ON CHICKEN LITTLE By Sera Amadis |
| Well, it seems that the entertainment industry is really beginning to catch on to the concept of chickens. It started with the ever-famous Chicken Run (which I have seen about 1018 times now�and, yes, I do have every line of it memorized), and now poultry is on the move again to spread their influence over all of us dopey movie-goers. After all, if you can�t trust what you see on TV, what can you trust? Anyways, Disney�s latest full-length animated feature, Chicken Little, revolves around a small chicken who saves the world. It�s been done, folks. Chickens saving the world, I mean. We just don�t know about it because we�re not paying attention. Of course, the movie doesn�t start out that way; no, it starts out with Chicken Little screaming, �Run for cover! We�re all gonna diiiiiieeeee!!!� Chicken Little has apparently just had the misfortune of having a piece of the sky fall on his head: a blue, octagonal-shaped piece with clouds on it. Everyone else thinks that it was simply an acorn, and it escalates from there until they ultimately even plan on making a movie out of it. Anyways, it takes a while (and a home run), before Chicken Little and everyone else finally recovers from the ordeal when...another piece of the sky falls on Chicken Little�s head. Things go on from there. The movie, obviously, is very funny, but I did have a few complaints regarding some characters and, as usual, the classic Disney trademark: can anyone say, dork? Well, first of all, suffice to say that the movie definitely has enough humor to keep everyone going. For instance, its shining moment probably lies in beginning when Chicken Little is on his way to school. Mishap after mishap befalls him, including getting stuck to a piece of gum in the middle of traffic, losing his pants, getting stuck in his locker, pulling the fire alarm, and losing his pants (again). The movie also has a lovely and sadly truthful display of the corruption of the entertainment industry at the end of the story. No doubt they got the idea from Hidalgo, which is a true story only after it�s been run through a paper shredder 480 times. Anyways. Also, I really loved it when Chicken Little wiggled his tail to shake up the soda bottle, since chickens really do that�although I will admit that its not to propel themselves to the top of the Empire State Building, but merely to shake off the dust from their pin feather sheaths after their preening. Oh well. It�s still cute. The characters were mostly good, as well, but I was hoping for a little more...well, uniqueness in some of them. The Ugly Duckling was downright boring sometimes, and I think Chicken Little�s father should have been more macho. Aside from that, however, Runt was masterful. He�s a wimp, but manages to stay just behind the line of becoming annoyingly so, unlike a certain shark whose name starts with an L and ends with a Y in a certain particularly boring movie set under the sea with a fish named Oscar. Also, the character Fish�s complete obliviousness to danger made him just too cute for words�he kind of reminded me of the fish in Pinocchio. So everybody go take some time out now to hug your fish. Slippery, yes, I know, but I think you can manage. And the fuzzy orange thingie with the eyeballs! I�m so...so...so in love!!! I wonder if it�ll marry me... Finally, my big complaint: the level of emotion was far too high for the movie. Oh, at first, I was rather impressed; it managed to pull a little bit of it off, just enough to make us feel bad for Chicken Little, but it wasn�t long before it escalated into just pure cheese. Disney needs to catch up with the times and get BALANCED. They worry me. I fear that when I go to see The Chronicles of Narnia this December that I�ll be finding Mr. Tumnus playing a guitar singing, �Follow your heart,� with multi-cultural fauns break dancing in time. And I thought zombies were scary. Oh, and another thing: as far as the thing between Chicken Little and the Ugly Duckling? I can tell you right now, it�s not going to work out. Chickens + ducks = disaster. Just trust me on this one. Okay, I�m done. Almost. I have one more complaint regarding the plot: baseball game too climactic. It detracted a little from the rest of the story. Also, I was rather glad that they got things settled scientifically, namely the fact that it wasn�t literally the sky that was falling and also the thing with the mechs. It was bothering me through out half the movie as I tried to puzzle out: mech + mech = orange fuzzy? But they resolve this as well by the end of the movie, although I�m not telling you how. So, ultimately, is the movie worth seeing? You betcha! I might even go again, but this time I�m taking my chickens. The ladies deserve a night out every once in a while, anyways. |
| REVIEW ON THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE By Sera Amadis (The title! It conquers!) |
| I don�t know even know what to say. The spectaculosity of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe has left my head completely empty. Seriously. Knock on it; it echoes. For those of you who may not know the plot of the movie, let me know and I will send you a virtual bop with a hammer. But, because I�m so nice, I will still give a brief synopsis: four siblings are sent away to the country during WWII, find a magical world, and save it. Lucky! How come I never get to do that kind of stuff? Alas, for it is rather difficult to do a good review on a movie of this magnitude, but I will certainly do my best working with the changes from the book, the characters, the realism of the story, and the overall effect of the movie. For those of you who have been living in a cave all your lives, yes, this movie is based upon C.S. Lewis�s classic The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Weren�t expecting that one, were you? I must confess, although I tend to be a purist, I really didn�t mind most of the changes from the book. The sibling rivalry was blown up much more, but a certain amount of it certainly seemed appropriate. And the extended battle between Aslan�s troops and the White Witch�s troops at the end I thoroughly enjoyed. But I have managed to find a few things that I didn�t care for: the fox, an added character that wasn�t in the book, for instance, rather annoyed me. Also, the professor�s explanation of the differing times between Narnia and planet Earth was excluded and shouldn�t have been for the benefit of those who haven�t read the books. I also didn�t really know what to think about the kids and beavers crossing on the ice as it was falling apart�it wasn�t that it wasn�t interesting, but it felt rather extraneous. Finally, my big complaint is that Aslan�s role was downplayed slightly; when the 100-year winter begins to break, most of the credit is given to the four kids instead of Aslan. Generally, four children aren�t going to bring the temperature up by forty or fifty degrees, even if given a couple of industrial-sized hair dryers. But, hey, we�re talking the entertainment industry here�the most evil force in all of humanity besides teletubbies; of course they�re going to try to restrict any Christian symbolism. Fortunately, however, most of C.S. Lewis�s allegory and themes still shine through. As far as the character development and added characters, I mostly enjoyed them all with a few exceptions�and we might as well get this one over with: Mr. Tumnus was terrifying. He looked like a goat! A goat, I tell you! Curse you, Greek mythology!!!!!!! I would say that he should be shot, but, hey, he�s pretty sweet compared to a few certain goats that I�ve known, so let�s just hope he doesn�t smell like one and move on. My next complaint? The White Witch. First of all, whoever did her hair really needs to be fired. It looks like she slopped some mud and hair gel on it and then went to sleep for a few years with a stocking cap on. And what�s with the strange wires contorting her dress into weird shapes? I�m sorry, but it�s really hard to take seriously someone with a hoop skirt and a bad hair day. Other than that, though, she was terrifying. Really. I�m not laughing right now�I�m not. While we�re on the subject of terrifying, though, Santa Claus�or Father Christmas, as I should probably say�would send any small child screaming to her mama. Okay, I think I have dwelt on the bad points of the characters long enough; let�s move on. As those who have read the books know, the four kids� personalities and character is a little vague in the first book, and I was pleasantly surprised when the movie seemed to nail them. I mean, not literally nail them, but...Okay. Peter, for instance, was the classic older brother: protective, bossy, and probably still refuses to wear those Spongebob slippers that his little sister got him for his birthday. Edmund was Edmund, a perfect brat at the beginning, and Susan was appropriately annoying. And don�t get me started on Lucy! She was so sweet and loveable. Her running out of the room and hugging the first person in her path when she was upset was perfect. And, of course, I can�t leave out any of the added characters I enjoyed: the gryphons were, for a lack of more appropriate adjectives, wickedly cool. The centaurs rocked, too. And the minotaurs! Oh my gosh! They�re so big and fuzzy and cuddly! Must hug!!!!!! Yeah, I know they were the bad guys. I can live with that. Maybe. I WAS mentally screaming, �NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!� when one of them was killed by the centaur. Oh, and the pretty white horse, the unicorn! I�m in loooooooooooove!!!! Now when that horse got shot, I was practically screaming, �NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!� out loud. He got back up, but then I didn�t see him again for the rest of the movie. This is going to bother me for the rest of my life, you know. I�m suing whoever wrote the screenplay for emotional trauma now. I still don�t understand why I didn�t have people banging down my door for lovely Nighthawk to play that part, though�maybe it�s because he�s a zebra dun. It�s always white and black horses in the movies, except in westerns, where they�re all bays and sorrels. I think zebra duns are discriminated against. Racism, I say! Racism! Now, getting on to a rather important component that I call realism. How can I complain about problems with realism in a fantasy story? It�s a talent we fantasy buffs have developed, okay? The special effects were for the most part pretty good, although most of the creatures you could definitely tell were CGI, and, worst of all, there was a point or two where I could tell the background was pasted, which is one of my pet peeves. But, overall, they were still among the most impressive I�ve seen, especially in comparison to the BBC version (although even the BBC version manages to remain charming in its own, weird way). Interestingly enough, I noticed most of the other problems with realism occurred in the changes from the book. Let�s go back to the place where they crossed the ice, for instance. First of all, when they�re going to cross some ice that�s breaking up, I don�t think they�re going to tiptoe across, I think they�re going to be running like there�s an army of evil plushies on their heels. And when they fell in the freezing cold water, they, in reality, should have gotten hypothermia...and died. Oh, what a tangled web we weave. Also, what about Peter�s and Edmund�s skills with weapons and the like? They�re fighting and riding like experts in the final battle, but, I�m sorry, you really can�t become that masterful in only a day or even two. And another thing: how many shots did we get of Peter standing in the middle of a raging battle without fighting or defending himself, and all the other creatures simply ignored him? After all, he�s the king, so wouldn�t all the bad guys just be itching to kill him? Oh well. At least the White Witch�s twin blades equivalent really rocked. So, ultimately, what�s the emotional effect of a movie so epic? Well, it�s the kind of film that makes you want to laugh and cry and...laugh some more. The fact that human beings such as you and I can look at such a wonderful cinematic masterpiece and be in stitches (�Hey, Joe, check it out, he just died! Hahahaha! Hilarious!�) is rather elusive to any logical mind, but, there you have it. Let�s just attribute it to the depravity of mankind. Moving on, however, the music, as always, is an unavoidable part of the finer points of the emotional aspects of the movie. What does this intelligent reviewer think of it? It was highly appropriate for the most part, and Tumnus�s lullaby on his little pipe thingie was gorgeous. And the cello playing as Aslan walked towards the Stone Table was perfect�yes! I recognized the cello! I�m so proud of me! (Unless that was a piccolo...) On the other hand, that little jazz piece while the kids were playing hide and seek left me going, �What the...?!?!� And, although not as bad, the music over the closing credits (yes, I actually stayed for the credits, thanks to the theatre not turning the lights on for me to find my way out of the stupid thing) seemed too, �Dude, I�m, like, totally spaced out!� for such an epic film. It had too many aspects of rock music, which just seemed inappropriate and out of place. And, of course, probably the most shining emotional moment in the whole movie lies in the death of Aslan on the Stone Table. Yeah, that sounds sadistic, but it�s enough to make anyone cry�and I had been so worried all this time that they would make it seem cheesy! Also, as my parents pointed out and I was too shallow to pick up on, the fact that Aslan has so many powerful and majestic creatures and yet chooses to put four seemingly insignificant little kids on the thrones carries great meaning to any Christian. Sure, God�s powerful and even has angels that are so much greater than us humans, but we are still all kings and queens in Christ. Don�t you feel special? I feel special. Although I feel slightly discombobulated with all the information and excitement, I hope that I have still managed to provide a somewhat coherent review on the movie. And here in my last paragraph is where I shall add any odds and ends complaints and comments, such as the fact that whenever any of the four kids got agitated or excited, I couldn�t understand half of what they were saying. It could be a dictation problem, or it could just be me being stupid. I know you would never say I�m stupid, though, especially since I have a knife in my pocket right now, right? Also, the hat Lucy wore at the beginning of the movie made her look like an acorn. She even had the price tag. Did you see the price tag? And then when Father Christmas shows up, everyone says Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays! Oh my gosh! We�re actually not being politically correct for once! Well, anyways, the movie is ultimately very much worth seeing over and over again, and (dare I say it?!) I think I even like it better than The Lord of the Rings as far as interpretation from book to screen. Yeah�it�s that good. |
| REVIEW ON HOODWINKED By Sera Amadis |
| So, you thought you knew the story of Little Red Riding Hood, didn�t you? You thought you could recite it backwards, didn�t you? WELL YOU�RE WRONG!!! The movie Hoodwinked is somewhere between a new angle and pure spoof off of our belovedly violent fairy tale. And if you have the misfortune of not knowing the fairy tale, then, for the record, I�m sending ninjas over to egg your house. Good thing you don�t know where I live to get back at me, right? Okay, but enough about that: the movie picks up just at the �end� of the story. We�re all prepared for a �happily-ever after� (as we think �Wow, that is the shortest movie I�ve ever seen in my whole life�), but then the police cars show up. From there, it�s a piecing together of the different characters� accounts to come to a conclusion and, ultimately, arrest the true criminal. I don�t feel like getting creative with format today, so I�ll just write three paragraphs regarding the characters, the humor, and the adventure. While the characters aren�t cleverly funny like I�m always hoping for in a full-length animated feature, they still manage to be to be rather amusing and loveable in their best moments. Whoever wrote the script really must have been racking their brain for that one. �Red�s� (as Little Red Riding Hood is called in the movie) wistfulness in wanting to go more places and have more fun than just delivering baked goods manages to be cute instead of annoying, and her martial arts skills are admirable. Granny�s skiing and skydiving and other such hobbies make the old lady quite a bit of fun as well. The wolf is amusing even in his worst moments, something his voice somehow contributes to. And did anyone else recognize who the frog is supposed to be? He�s a spoof off of Nick from The Thin Man movies, a series from about sixty or seventy years ago. Of course, we still have a few genuinely funny characters: the stupid foreign woodsman who sounds frighteningly like our governor (whom we just call Arnold to avoid trying to spell that horrifically difficult last name), and the overly-hyper Twitchy. The humor in the movie is also refreshingly different. Instead of relying on random violence and unlikely moments, the movie uses clever twists that strikingly resemble real life. The way the pieces come together, similar yet different, as each character tells his/her story I would venture to say would even crack a smile from my brother. Right, Paul? Riiiiiiiight? Of course, he didn�t go see it with me, so I won�t truly find out until it comes out on DVD and I watch it until I have every word memorized. Some random bits thrown in here and there also contribute to keep it from getting too dry. I.e., when the police chief yells at the pigs, �You can�t throw someone in jail just for being creepy!�, the pigs promptly call up some individual at the police station, saying, �Hey, you know that guy we just tossed in jail yesterday?�/ �You mean the creepy one?� / �Yeah. I think you�d better let him out.� And, yes, you have just been treated to a Sera paraphrase. There is also, of course, a large amount of adventure�in fact, I�d go so far as to say that the bulk of the movie relies on it. Grannies falling off of cliffs, squirrels blowing up train tracks, and bakery delivery girls who are masters at karate�it all contributes. Although I do have one complaint in relation to Red: if she�s a martial arts expert, then how come she doesn�t even know how to breakfall or breakaways? Just a thought... My final undeniable verdict: the movie is good. I can�t even really find anything I don�t like about it, which is saying a lot. I can usually find something bad to say about everything...I must be losing my touch. My talent! It is slipping away! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| TIM BURTON'S CORPSE BRIDE By Sera Amadis |
| Finally, something to satisfy the sadistic human fascination with dead things. Tim Burton�s Corpse Bride explores just this thing, combining unlikely events with interesting viewpoints to create a sometimes-amusing/sometimes-disturbing movie. The plot revolves around an unfortunate individual named Victor, who is about to be married to a woman named Victoria (ha, Victor, Victoria... I have no idea if it was intentional, but it makes me want to laugh. Really. I�m smiling right now. Honest.) Victor, however, seeming to be a nervous individual in the first place, is very near having a panic attack under the pressure of his and his bride�s parents, who are less concerned for their children�s actual welfare and more about their own reputation and money. Consequently, he pretty much destroys the whole rehearsal and runs off to a graveyard (which is a bad mistake), upset. There, he begins practicing the things he is supposed to be saying at the wedding, gets absorbed, performs it perfectly, and puts the ring with a flair on a tree branch that looks remarkably like a hand. That is his second mistake. Unfortunately, the tree branch really is a hand, and out of the ground rises the Corpse Bride. Yes, folks, Victor has just married a dead girl. Yeah, sure, let all the interesting things happen to imaginary people. Anyways. Once you get past the rather odd animation�which seems to be a strange combination of puppetry and CG, methinks?�dreary and/or frightening colors, and a few slow parts, the movie is actually pretty decent. For being a film about dead people, I mean. The humor is a pleasant combination of wit and pure insanity, piles of bones spontaneously burst into song, and the characters take almost two days to forget about.
As may be expected, the movie is rather funny�but in a multi-faceted way. In the Land of the Living, the humor tends to expound more on certain traits of human nature. The pompousness of Victoria�s mother, for instance, (whose name I don�t remember, please don�t slap me) results in her comment to her husband, �Who are all these people, anyways? They must be from YOUR side of the family� as her house is being invaded by dead people. Victor�s restless disposition also results in amusing clumsiness that eventually sets Victoria�s mother�s dress on fire. The humor regarding the Land of the Dead (which is actually a happy sort of place, mainly just one big party), however, escalates to unadulterated madness. The Corpse Bride, for instance, has a maggot living in her head who frequently talks to her and lets her know if a piece of her leg fell off or something similar.......and my e-sheep has just been abducted by an alien. Wonderful little desktop pets, e-sheep. Anyways. I also feel obligated to point out the aspect of music in the movie. I didn�t really like or not like it one way or the other, but since the characters frequently burst into song for no reason whatsoever, it can almost be considered a musical. So it deserves mention. One thing that did VERY much please me is the fact that all the main characters play the piano. I am so happy! Confidentially, I�m smiling right now. Just take my word for it. Although someone needs to set Victor straight on proper fingering for arpeggios... In addition to being humorous, however, the characters also have some admirable traits about them. When the Corpse Bride, for instance, discovers that in order for her and Victor to be truly married, Victor must die, she refuses to even ask him to do such a thing, despite being taken with him. Victor, however, is willing to make the sacrifice merely for her own happiness. It�s a big circle of, �I want you to be happy, so I�ll do this even though I don�t want to� kind of thing, and it�s estimable. My final verdict: worth a watch. Maybe not good enough to buy, but good enough to rent. And if you feel so led to rip it from the DVD and make your own copy, I�m not going to stop you. In fact, I can�t. I�m merely a figment across cyberspace... |