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So this background is fitting, because i work in a coffee shop. How fuckin cliche. Yeah, and it's even more cliche that i mention that the cliche is a cliche. Most cliche is my use of the word cliche, but we're not even going to get into that. Right now, i wanna write about some things i wish to acquire in the near future. I wish to somehow find a job that doesn't steal away my soul inch by inch. Something that doesn't make me groan in the morning, and hit the snooze for as long as possible before rushing to get ready so I can find my way through a dark cold morning into a place that only morons feel it necessary to be. I want a job that at least leaves me neutral. At best, a job that I instantly get up for when my alarm goes off. Where I can feel refreshed as i walk through my establishment's doors. Where I don't have a daily urge to dispense justice by means of a woody piece of Louisville, and a smile as white as lightening through beauty pageant vaseline. I wanna never look at the clock and think to myself, maybe I'll make it through the next few hours without bludgeoning myself to death with a porta-filter, or scalding myself blind so that I can get workman's comp and never have to work for this shitty ass company again. Hell, I'd probably sell the few bits of my soul that almost ANY job steals on a daily basis for just a little more recognition and twice my currently hourly rate. Isn't it odd that the good jobs of the world are generally salaried, while the shithole jobs that the average shmoe works are hourly, like we're property, like we're whores. Anyway, now that I've thoroughly depressed anyone reading this or writing this, I'll move on to happier things.
I recorded some rough cuts of a few new riffs and a few even better ideas. I played my twelve string using a violin bow, and achieved some very cool sounds. I still haven't utilized my new sound card as much as I wish I had, but l have layed down some very promising ideas. Not so much songs, as bright stars of hope for what is to come.
Ok, but on to the things I want:
An E-bow, a theremin, another amplifier, a cello, two months paid vacation, a set of drum mics, more general mics, 5.1 sourround sound computer speakers, a dvd-rom drive, a better motherboard and processor for my old computer, 25 hours in a day, more sleep, a chance to go buy some food, and a general sense of well being because i can feel the connections with people I love, instead of not being sure that those connections are there except in very rare moments of clarity, just to be able to think, feel it, and know that it's there, without needing to confirm it, without needing to ask, or give a nod, damn I miss that. You know, you never know what you've got until it isn't there. Doesn't mean you cna't have it again, maybe not in the same way, but if you don't expect the same thing, you can only get something better. Damn Neil Young makes me sentimental for home, my heart's home, with Ash, Blake, Con, and my family all in one place. But that doesn't get to happen today, or tomorrow, or the next. Damn i feel alone right now. |
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We had ethiopian food today. The experience was more than life. We talked of our future family meals like this. No silverware, just one plate, one piece of bread (more on the side) hands grasping the bread like skilled babies, moving the sauces around with the meats. Picking them up together and enjoying the textures. Laughing about eating spaghetti like this. But it makes sense. What the fuck is civilization? Oh, we eat with the finest flatware, raising our pinkies just so as we sip our imported tea and try not to think of all the broken backs that went into the making of this meal. We opress, and we kill in the name of civilization. I don't want it. I want to lick the juice of life off my fingers, to know that I experienced it all. That nothing escaped my breath. That the dishes never piled up because there were almost none to pile up. That I would know the satisfaction of giving my children something that most civilized people never even start to understand. |
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