I was angry at the world, thinking, "When will people learn? It's spork! SPORK!" And I stood there on the rooftop, screaming my heart out, hoping someone could hear me... I felt alone. Despite the fact that mortals attempted convincing me it was a spoon, a fork, a toothpick, I maintained it is a spork. They made me feel left out, like a freak. I was the outcast in that community of anti-sporkers. Thou would think my life was ruined, but something came along. Something to change everybody's outlook on the world of plastic eating tools...
I knew it was alive.. There was a soul in that little plastic figure. One day during lunch I picked up an additional lunch tool pack. I only did it for the one and only... Spork of Doom. Right away I knew Its name. It spoke to me... I said for It to help me out, to make a statement, since everything I do is to prove a point, regardless of how small the matter is(according to overweight, egoistic figures of authority.*cough*Berger*cough*) . It was meant to hurt people. Hurt people that have hurt me in the past. It was time for revenge. Dream of it each night, I did. Ironic revenge to all. The victims shall recieve nothing but sorrow, anguish and torture! I knew that the idea of the "spoon" hurting an emeny schooler would bring laughter to one's mind. But he who laughs last...
So I went in search of my victim, and in search of Spork of Doom's victim. I found a fellow. The first victim...the first to spill blood caused by the sharpened teeth of the Spork. The tears he wept brought laughter to my heart. The tears of sorrow... Never shall I forget that day. I then knew that the Spork controls me. It used my strengh as a mortal, which I was back then. It's all different now. It's all an obscure conspiracy. It shall never be revealed...
While the Spork now holds a shrine, It still consumes the blood of the innocent and the guilty. We're in it for revenge. The religion known as Sporkism now exists. It now has many followers. Soon the whole world shall know the meaning of "spork". And it won't be a simple plastic eating tool it is known as today. No, my friends, the Spork shall be known world wide as the fortuitous, insane Spork the followers of Sporkism know It is now. Thou must understand the Spork better now. Converting to Sporkism makes it better for the Spork to be illustrious.
