ALE, with it's typical gumption has convinced the Burning Terror, to share his wisdom with our readers.  Anyone who would like advice from Diablo please send it in to this address.

Dear Diablo,

    I'm quite excited about the new expansion pack.  How is Baal holding up out there in the mountains?  Did you really get defeated?

Big Fan

Dear Big Fan

    I'm sure my brother will be pleased to hear that you're asking about him.  He's still angry that I get all the publicity.  It's not my fault that I was doing all the work while he spent a century chained to a rock.  Baal of course is his usual self, can't go anywhere without his throne, always rubbing lotion on his tentacles to avoid split ends, and you should have seen the trouble he caused when he cast Blaze while walking on a glacier!  As for me, of course I wasn't defeated.  Losing to that hero was of course all part of the big plan to get some vacation time in the nether world.  I'm currently lounging by the river Styx, completely at ease, while Baal is freezing his horns off in the mountains, and they say I'm the weaker brother.  Hah!

Diablo  

Dear Diablo,

    I'm faced with a kind of moral dilemma here.  I want to vote for Nader, however I feel that in such a closely contested race, that I might be helping George Bush into office, whom I personally despise.  I don't want to vote for Al Gore, but I don't want to see another Bush in the Oval Office.  Should I vote my conscience, or vote as a pragmatist.

Good Citizen

Dear Good Citizen,

    It really doesn't matter who you vote for, as all of the candidates are controlled by ME!  No matter how you vote, your society will be plunged into four years of eternal darkness and suffering.  Go ahead, pretend you still have free choice!  MWUHAHAHA!

Diablo

Dear Diablo,

    Hi Diablo, I am the mother of my children.  I feel my kids are exposed to far to much video game violence.  In a society so full of guns, hate, and crime, do we really need to subject our kids to more senseless killing on the computer?  Why can't we have more games devoted to bible study, or devotion to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Concerned Parent.

Dear Concerned Parent,

    As the Dark Lord of Terror, I feel it is my sworn duty to see every person in the world like you chained to a pillar in Hell, but let's address your questions.  Why do we have violent video games you ask?  Maybe you should ask your kids, they'll give you the same reason I'm giving you, because they're fun.  Society is a tough and unforgiving place, and I'm sure you're kids are going to need all the help they can get to survive after coming out of a vapid, hole of moral drudgery like your house.  Why don't we have more games about Jesus?  Because they're fucking stupid that's why.  In case you were too busy burying your head in the Bible, or dragging gays behind your rusted pick-up truck, there have been several Christian games released over the past few years, all of them met with the same laughter and derision I'm giving you.  Nobody wants to sit around helping Noah toss animals into the Arc when they can be battling terrorists, and monsters with realistic weapons.  Now piss off, I rule this town.

Diablo

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