ALE, with it's typical gumption has convinced the Burning Terror, to share his wisdom with our readers.  Anyone who would like advice from Diablo please send it in to this address.

Dear Diablo,

    I just don't understand my wife.  I keep my kids well in line, but she insists on spoiling them like crazy.  Whereas I will punish them severely for what they do, she just remarks that boys will be boys and lets them tear up the neighborhood.  Not only that, she undermines my authority by arguing with me when I come down on them.  I believe that children should be spanked when they act up, however, my wife acts horrified when I suggest such a thing.  Apparently her father was very stern with her, and she doesn't want her kids growing up the same way.  I don't want our boys ending up in a Juvenile Detention Center.  What do I do?

Confused Father

Dear Confused Father,

   You actually put up with people arguing with you.  I would have sunk the entire house into hell before I listened to that.  Obviously, your wife thinks you are a wuss, and is perfectly happy to walk all over you.  You need to re-assert your authority "so to speak."  Just do what I do and become a living embodiment of terror.  That should keep them in line.

Dear Diablo,

    I simply don't know what to do with my neighbors.  They are constantly borrowing my husband's tools, and not returning them, and whenever they come over, they never get the hint and leave.  I can't tell you how many times we've been up with them till one in the morning listening to their boring stories.  Once they even left their dog over here while they went on vacation, and it simply ruined our rug.  I'm a non confrontational person, and I don't want to make a scene, but how can I get these people to behave themselves.

Frazzled

Dear Frazzled,

    Your best bet for dealing with nosy neighbors is necromatic curses, plain and simple.  Wait till one of them is doing house work and cast Amplify Damage, with any luck, he'll strike his thumb with a hammer, and have to be rushed to the hospital to get his arm amputated.  Or wait till they're coming over and cast Decrepify, that way, by the time they make it to your house, it will be time to go home again.  If that doesn't work,  you made need help.  Corrupting and mutating the heads of a major religion and setting them to guard you inner sanctum works well for me

Diablo