| ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* By the time I get home, it is almost 7 o'clock. As I walk in through the side entrance that leads from the private driveway on the side of the house, I can hear the baby crying. "Kem?" I call, trying to figure out how one nine month old could make so much noise. "Where are you?" "John?" I finally hear a reply coming from upstairs. When I reach the top of the stairs, the noise has gotten louder, and I realizes the she is in the baby's nursery. "Hey. What's the matter?" I go into the room and see my wife pacing with our son in her arms. "He just has a small fever. I'm sure he's fine, he's just upset." "How long has he been like this?" "Since I hung up with you." She replies wearily. "He's been fine all day." "Here, give him to me." I say and take the baby from Kem's arms. Almost immediately, the boy quiets down. "There you go, your fine baby." "Ugh, thank you John. I don't know how you do it." Kem wraps her arm around my waist and leans her head against my shoulder and watches our son. "How was your day?" "Not too exciting, just the usual patients." "What do you want to do for dinner?" "I don't care, whatever you want." "How about we order in? Chinese?" She offers and I force a smile. "Sounds good." "When I was at the hospital this morning, some nurses were talking about some new restaurant that they said was good. Of course, everything here is new to me, but we could try it out." I nod and she smiles and gives me a quick peck on the cheek before exiting the room, leaving me alone with Arden. Although I can sometimes see the similarities that exist between the two of us, his looks are almost identical to that of his mother. His skin is a soft cream color, another combination of Kem and I, his eyes are an even darker shade of brown than my own, but the little tufts of hair on top of his head are a slightly lighter brown. I watch as his eyes grow heavy and eventually shut and then place him back in his crib. As I leave the room, I take one more glance at my son before going through the adjoining door into our bedroom. Kem is sitting Indian style on the bed with the telephone in her hand. When she sees me, she takes the phone away from her face. "Would you rather have lo mein or sweet and sour chicken?" She asks me. "Uh, lo mein." I start unbuttoning my shirt and walk into the closet as she finishes up the order. I slip off my button down shirt and walk back into the room to get a t-shirt from a drawer. "Are you okay?" I didn't notice Kem come up behind me until she wraps her arms around my waist. "Yeah, I'm just tired." I rub my eye and then start to slip the t-shirt on. She kisses the back of my neck before releasing her arms. "We should go on a vacation. Take Arden and go away, maybe just for a long weekend." "I can't leave, I'm still making up shifts for when I was in Africa." "But that was months ago." "I was gone for a long time." I don't know how I can get this across to her. It's hard to explain to her how things work here, the responsibilities that must be faced at the hospital. I don't blame her of course, she comes from a different culture, she's not used to this. Suddenly, I remember something Abby told me years ago, when she was going out with Luka. It was the day I told her how I felt. She had been telling me about how Luka had offered to pay for her to go back to med school. I don't remember the exact words she said, mostly because I usually zoned out when she got to talking about Luka, but she said something along the lines of "usually when you're with someone for a while they get to know you, know your moods." I could always read Abby, I used to think that was a gift, now I'm not so sure. "John?" I whip around when she says my name, sending me out of my reverie. "Penny for your thoughts. You looked like you were about a million miles away for a while there." "I was just thinking about something." I don't think it would be in good form to tell her that I am thinking about my ex-girlfriend who I am now having an affair with. Or I guess had an affair with after this afternoon's conversation. I love Abby, I always have. I find it somehow impossible to not be in love with her. But I still can't walk away from Kem right now. I feel like I'm in this horrible position and I don't know how to fix it. "We should have a party." Kem's voice interrupts my thoughts again. "What?" "We should have a party here at the house. We can invite all your friends from work. This house is certainly big enough. It'd also give me a chance to get to know everyone better. I feel like I'm not included in that part of your life." "Okay." "Really?" "Sure, why not. You're right, the house is big enough and it will be nice to have it filled for once." I wonder if she notices that I'm doing this because I feel guilty about how I've been treating her lately. I don't include her in my work life, and we hardly ever go out with anyone from the hospital. "How many people do you want to invite?" "As many people as you want." Kem shrugs her shoulders. Suddenly, I hear the doorbell chime through the house. "Oh, the food must be here." She smiles at me and stands up from the chair and gives me a lingering kiss on the lips before rushing down the stairs to answer the door. I wonder how my life got this fucked up. When did it start? This chaos. And that's when I realize, it was when I met Abby. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* |