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| Tiny Nic The Story Behind The Genius |
| Born 5th of September 1983 and found in a jungle by a panther, Tiny Nic was taken by the panther to a wolf pack that had recently had cubs. The female of the pack raised Tiny Nic as her own. When Tiny Nic turned 8 the wolf pack leader decided that for the safety of Tiny Nic and the wolf pack she had to be returned to the nearest man village. Bagheera the panther offered his services to take Tiny to the village. On her first night out in the jungle with Bagheera, Tiny was damn near hypnotised by a snake while trying to sleep on a tree. Awoken the next morning to the sound of the elephant Dawn Patrol, Tiny tried to join this but apparently the 'Yes I'm an elephant not a human' box on the application has to be ticked as they only allow elephants. However all was not lost, Bagheera grabbed Tiny and they set out for the man village again. After a bit of a barney Bagheera went in a huff and left Tiny to fend for herself. There were sounds in the bushes where she had been DITCHED by that idiot panther. Outstepped Baloo the bear. Baloo sang Tiny an incredibly catchy song about naked necessities for some reason. Then the pair went for a swim and Tiny was kidnapped by a miilion monkeys and taken to the kingdom of King Louie where she heard another very catchy tune. The only thing Tiny didn't understand about living in the jungle was how the animals all spoke english - fluently - and also why the sang to instruments that clearly can't possibley be in the jungle. However she didn't let this phase her, no matter how strange things in the jungle appeared she would rather live there than the man village she was being taken to. After walking many jungle miles Tiny found herself alone in Rome (I did say many jungle miles) and found that she had been taken prisoner after having been discharged from the Roman army as the old dead rulers son was a bitter little git who was miffed because he wasn't going to rule Rome, Tiny Nic was as it's what the gits father wanted. So to stop this happening the git had Tiny dis charged and nearly killed. However Tiny was too smart and buggered off and was eventually taken prisoner and sold as a gladiator and now she had to fight for her freedom. Eventually she came face to face with the git and he decided to fight her. On the way to the fight the git stabbed Tiny in the side in an attempt to cheat. Tiny still faught and kicked his ass!! She died though! Later technology advanced and she was resurected as a robot and made into a police officer in Detroit. It was great. She kept the streets free of android vermin and had a gun that came from inside (INSIDE!!) her leg... nifty! However she soon tired from this lifestyle and decided enough was enough. Tiny Nic now lives in a small country full of discarded oompa loompas and forgotten cartoon characters. She is 61 and old but still looks young enough to have a huge big family of army proportions. |
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