| The Wonder That Is Tiny |
| Tiny Nic was born on 5th September 1983 in a hospital in Motherwell (a dump) to proud (despite what they say) parents. Tiny lived in Motherwell (round the corner from Davie Cooper!) until she was six. With a growing family Mr and Mrs Tiny Nic decided to move to a bigger house, so Tiny was uprooted and moved millions of miles (one half hour bus journey/10 minute car ride) away to a small place near a town (I use the word 'town' loosely) called Wishaw. A ghost town with shops shutting down and too many card shops, chip shops and scumbags to count. Tiny started school here in Primary 2 (not due to being smart but because she had done Primary one in Motherwell). Quickly establishing a role as class clown, one that she never lost throughout school. Not the brightest light on the christmas tree she decided that laughter is better than nothing. She quickly became relitivly popular with her class mates and made her mark by being one of the first in the class to tease the teachers. Tiny wasn't a delberate trouble maker it just, kinda... followed her around. Having her first punishment excersize in Primary 5 (aged 9) for calling someone a 'bastard' for standing on her toe. She stated that it had just slipped out after having avoided the teachers probing questions for ten minutes and going totally around the subject. This was also the first time Tiny forged a signature (punishment excersizes had to be signed by a parent), the start of a talent that was to become flawless in years to come. During this year Tiny was also sat at her own little desk for talking too much in class.. the teacher didn't like her much. In primary six Tiny had a teacher who did like her. However despite this she was sat on her own again during this year for a few months due to talking. This year saw Tiny make her first supply teachers life a living hell. Tiny's best friend in school was a guy called John. The pair went together like peas in a pod and when they worked on teachers together the teachers couldn't do anything but get angry and go all quiet. Miss Gray - teacher with the worlds biggest eyes - was the supply teacher in question. Tiny and John used her big eyes to make others laugh. Sharpening pencils until they were this big |------------| then blunting them and placing them at their eyes to hold them open and make them big (hey at 10 years old this is very funny!). Primary seven saw the biggest campeign of terror for Tiny and John. First up they tried to see how many games they could get banned from the school playground. These included - Brittish Bulldog, Red Rover, Ring A Ring A Roses, Hopscotch and Hide And Seek. Brittish Bulldog was banned due to Tiny and John ganging up on people and tickling them until they lay on the ground dirtying thier uniforms. Red Rover was banned due to Tiny and John putting small planks of wood in their sleeves to prevent people breaking the chain. Ring A Ring A Roses was indeed a triumph for the pair. This innoccent game was turned into a nightmare. Tiny and John used to gather up lots of peole get them to form a circle and play the game round about the janitor. This was why the game was banned. Apparently it prevented the janitor from doing his duties! Hopscotch was banned due to people cliping on Tiny and John's excessive cheating. Hide and seek was banned after Tiny and John would hide down in the cellar where pupils weren't allowed to go. Once summer was over and the winter came in it started to snow and John and Tiny stared one of the biggest snowball fights in the schools history! You see snowball fights were not allowed in the playground as it was 'dangerous'. This one started when Tiny threw a snowball at John and John went to throw one back but hit someone else and so on and so forth. Eventually the teachers had to come out and stop it as nearly the whole upper school was involved. After an hour or so the head teacher came round the school asking who was involved. Sitting in a group of six people (all of whom were involved) Tiny and John told them not to say they were involved as the teachers would never prove it and if they owned up they would get a punishment excersize. When asked eveyone in the class admitted to being in it apart from Tiny and John who kept their hands down. The headteacher turned to them and said 'I might have known you two wouldn't admit it. My office now'. As it turned out the first few snowballs had been thrown right outside the staff room where the teachers sit and drink tea before and between classes. This is the last year of Primary school before going on to high school. At the end of every school year there was a church service held in a church by the school for the parents to come and watch. When you reach primary seven you sit up on the stage and are made to do something to show what you learned. As a final nail in the primary school coffin Tiny and John decided it would be appropriate for them to do their rendition of highland dancing. After the service the head teacher pulled them both aside and gave them words to think about 'It's strange, despite the trouble you two have caused me I think I'll miss you both most. Even though you made our lives harder than they had to be you made all the staff laugh and we wish yuo both the very best. However if you forget everythng else I've told you over the years, remember this, not everything is a joke. Sometimes you have to be serious and try and stay out of trouble'. After this she actually hugged them! Thing is, right? This head teacher took the fun out of birthdays! She used to get you down the front of an assembly and get everyone to sing to you then kiss you! God Knows how many different dates of birth Tiny gave her! Tiny Nic - The High School Years |