wow. where to start? it's been nearly two months since i've had my computer up and functioning. as far as that goes, i've fallen behind on my online life, out of touch with online friends, and haven't been keeping track of much of what's been going on lately other than a few poems scribbled on some scratch pieces of paper lying around my room. so how have i been? things have been okay lately as far as i can tell. brandyn and i are okay for right now. ::knocks on wood::

otherwise,summer's been rather relaxing except for the whole working thing. the hilights so far have been the tattoo i got the other day.. on christy's 18th birthday (july 19th) i got a stone looking design etched across the length of my shoulder blades. the second being ozzfest last thursday. it kicked ass. i saw poe at the rock and roll hall of fame a few weeks ago. poe rules.

i've been listening to nin's left cd of 'the fragile.' i've been relating to it intensely at this point in my life, i think. it provides a sense of relief to know others feel the way i do. and regardless of how shitty everything may seem, it can be turned into music, something ugly that metamorphosizes into something so beautiful. so bittersweet. i was inspired the other night to write a poem based on one of the songs by taking it in a general sense and focusing it on how it related directly to my life.

"i won't let you fall apart." -nin

i love you in my sleep,
even through your hate,
and when i wake up from this dream
will it be too late?

we will never be again,
i know this in my heart,
and when i open my eyes i'll see that
you let me fall apart.

7.27.01

blah, blah, blah... just kept in a tiny book dating back to feburary of 2001, back to when all the hurt started. i'd write in it durning school and not care enough to pay attention to the lecture. i was in my own little world. i need to get out of this skin they're just a collection of thoughts of what went through my head during the breakup between brandyn and i. why did i post it? why now? i've no fucking idea. i s'pose it's because it's now 4:45 in the morning and i can't sleep...