"Hello?" That voice broke into her thoughts and she sat up a little.
"Hi babe."
"Hey, Kait," she could hear his smile through the telephone line. "Where have you been? I haven't heard from you for a few days...did you get my message?"
"Yep, I sure did." He had left a message on her voice mail two days earlier. "I'm sorry Sam, I've been really busy. I haven't had a lot of spare time."
"Oh..all right." She could tell he was more than a little annoyed at her and she supposed he had reason to be. She had been extremely busy, but she had avoided him a little too. she just hoped he would forgive her now.
"Anyway...what I called for was to ask what you were doing on the weekend?"
"Why? Did you have something in mind?"
"I did actually. I was hoping you were free so we could spend the whole weekend together. Sort of to make up for neglecting you so terribly," she teased.
"Wow, a whole weekend with you? Unheard of!" He teased back. "But seriously, Kait that would be great. I've missed you..a lot."
"I've missed you too...how about if I come over tonight, after you finish work?"
"That would be perfect...are you going to stay here the weekend?"
"Can I?"
"Of course you can...I'd like it if you did."
"Then all right. I'll bring clothes and stuff with me. I am looking forward to it..see you tonight. I miss you."
"Miss you too." Kait hung the reciever up and studied her fingernails for a moment. She sighed as she picked up the reciever to make another call. She was truly dreading this one, but she knew she had to make it. She thought for a few moments of what she was going to say, then dialed the number she still knew by heart.
Sam opened the door the moment he heard her knock. He must have been waiting for her.
"Hi," he said softly, reaching out to fold her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around him and smiled into his shirt.
"I can't believe how much I missed you," she smiled up at him and he kissed her gently on the mouth.
"I missed you just as much, but forget that. You're here now, and that's what matters." He reached down and took her bag off her and led her into the living room. "Guess what? I am cooking us dinner."
"Ummm," Kait said, her eyes widening. "YOU are cooking?" Sam wasn't well known for his skills in cooking. He was actually a terrible cook.
"Yes, I am cooking...but don't be alarmed, it's only steaks and salad." He made a face at her and she laughed. There wasn't too much you could do wrong with steaks, she guessed.
"Well that's a relief! Do you want any help?"
"No, you can keep your nose out thank you. I have every thing under control. But, you can go put your bag in the bedroom and then open the wine." Kait raised her eyebrows.
"Wine too? Hmmm, what's with the whole seduction thing babe?"
"Well, I figure if I feed you well, and give you wine, you might rethink your stance on moving in with me." Kait sighed. She knew this would come up, but she hadn't expected it to be so early in the night. This was precisely the reason she had been avoiding him. They had argued a couple of weeks previously about this subject. Sam wanted Kait to give up her apartment and move into his house, something Kait wasn't willing to do. She loved Sam, but she cherished her independance far too much to ever give it up. It had been the biggest fight they had had so far. She knew that he wouldn't just give up on the idea though...she knew him far too well to expect that. She picked up her bag and turned toward the bedroom to put it away.
"Sam, we have been through this already. I haven't changed my views on it."
"And I havent changed mine." His voice was stubborn as he checked the steaks. "Look, Kait, we spend most of our time in the same place anyway, what's the difference, really? If you don't want to move somewhere that's 'mine', we can look for a new place. I am not asking for much I don't think."
"Well, am I asking for too much if I ask you to drop it? I would like to have a nice quiet dinner without us arguing." She came out of the bedroom and went over to him, winding her arms around his waist. "Look, you know I love you..isn't that enough? Please drop it. We haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks, please just let's enjoy each other's company." He sighed and rested his chin on the top of her head.
"All right, Kait, you're right, we should just have a stress~free weekend. But don't think that I am giving this up. You only have a reprieve." She smiled in relief.
"I know you too well to believe you would give up. Y'know, I love you."
"I know. And I love you too."
They walked slowly along the water's edge after dinner. Sam had suggested going out to a movie, but Kait insisted that they spend the weekend alone. She wanted to go to the beach and Sam had readily agreed. They sat down on the sand in silence, their arms wrapped around each other. The sun was just going down as they sat and gazed over the water.
"Y'know," Kait said, breaking the silence. "I went and saw my father today." Sam turned to her, a look of incredulity on his face.
"You did what?" Kait understood his surprise. She had stated that she would never again speak to her father on a number of occasions. She had suffered a bad childhood at his hands. he would regularly get drunk and come home and beat her and her mother. Her mother had long since died, and being an only child, he was all the family she really had. But it had not changed her views~until now. "Umm, Kait, "why?" is the obvious question."
"I am not completely sure," she lied. "But I just felt it had been long enough, I have healed. And it was like I just had to forgive him and move on...do you know what i mean?"
"I guess. But I would have been with there if you needed me to."
"I know." She gave him a quick smile. "But this was something I had to do alone."
"And how did it go?"
"Very well actually. He says he is not drinking any more and he looks really good. He apologised, or tried to, but I don't think he really knew quite what to say. What can you say when you ruin your child's life?" That familiar tone of bitterness crept back into her tone and was not missed by Sam. It made him wonder if she had actually healed. He doubted it, but Kait would rather die that admit a shortcoming, so he kept quiet. "We spoke for quite some time and he kept thanking me for coming to see him. We will never have a true father/daughter relationship, and I think he understands that. But at least I have let go of the anger I had towards him, and that's the only thing I really wanted to accomplish."
"Wow," Sam said in surprise. "I don't really know what to say. Are you ok?"
"Yes, I am really good. Everthing is perfect. But...I can think of one thing that would make it more perfect."
"What's that?"
"To go home, watch a video and eat those strawberries and ice cream." Sam groaned.
"Let me guess...An Affair to Remember?" He named her favourite movie and she laughed and nodded. They had copies of the video at both places and Kait had forced Sam to watch it a number of times.
"Come on, lazy, I'll race you back." She jumped up without waiting for an answer and sprinted off down the beach.
"Hey!" Kait heard Sam yelling from behind her. "You cheated!"
It was 3am and Kait till couldn't sleep. She lay with her head on Sam's shouder and listened to his slow steady breathing. Finally she could stand it no longer and got up, stepping across the dark room to the window. She parted the curtains just slightly and peered out at the darkened beach directly across the street. She could vaguely hear the waves crashing as she started at the endless ocean. She thought back to the near argument she had only delayed earlier that evening. She knew that Sam would apply the pressure again. She only hoped that she could forestall it long enough so that it wouldn't be an issue any longer.
It wasn't that she didn't love Sam..she did~with her entire heart and soul. What she felt with Sam, she had never felt before. And she half wished that she had said yes all those months ago when he had first asked her. But of course, that would only make everything so much harder now. She couldn't explain all her reasons~they was just no way he could understand or believe her. She knew that she was hurting him this way, but this was better than the alternative. She knew she couldn't do it to him. She turned to gaze at the man she loved, sleeping peacefully on the bed.
"God, if only I could turn back time," she thought desperately, but she knew that just wouldn't happen. Kait and Sam had been together for just over two years and they had both taken it for granted that one day, they would marry.
She eased herself carefully back onto the bed and turned onto her side, away from Sam as silent tears coursed down her cheeks. An hour later she finally slipped into a fitful sleep.
"Wake up sleepyhead," a soft voice whispered in her ear, followed by soft kisses on her eyelids. She pulled back startled and opened her eyes to find Sam's hazel ones staring back at her.
"Hmm, morning," she replied, lazily stretching her arms above her head.
"Made you a coffee," Sam indicated the nightstand and the coffee mug, steam rising from it.
"Mmm, thanks," Kait murmured, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. Sam sat on the other side of the bed with his own mug. "What are we doing today?"
"I don't know. I was going to wait and see if you had anything in mind. We could go shopping." Kait frowned.
"No, I don't want to go shopping. I told you I wanted a weekend alone with you and I meant it. Just you and me. How about we go to our waterfall?" 'Their' waterfall was a place they often went to hike. It was a long, strenuous walk, but the waterfall at the top made it all worth it.
"That sounds pretty good," Sam said agreeably. "We haven't been there for ages. And it should be warm enough to swim today."
Kait and Sam arrived back at Sam's place at 6pm that evening, tired but happy. They both collapsed on the couch where Sam turned to Kait.
"What do you want for dinner?"
"Oh, I don't know. Are you hungry?"
"Yep," he admitted sheepishly. She laughed.
"You choose. I'm not really hungry."
'You don't want to go out, right?"
"Nope," she shook her head obstinately. "Maybe to the beach later, but that's it."
"Hell, you are really serious about this 'just us' weekend. Better be careful, I might get used to it," he teased.
"Well, don't," Kait said in a strange, flat tone.
"Kait, are you all right?" He looked carefully at her, noticing for the first time, the dark circles under her eyes. She turned to look at him and for a fleeting moment, her eyes looked bleak and broken. She shook her head and fixed a smile on her face and the moment vanished.
"I'm fine. Just been busy. Too little sleep, I think."
"Are you sure that's all it is?"
"Yes, Sam, I am fine." He wondered if it had to do with her father for one moment, but then decided she would tell him if something was wrong. he didn't want to push her, as this weekend was better than any they had shared for some time.
"I'm going to order a pizza for dinner..Is that ok with you?" Kait smiled.
"Fine by me. You know how much I love pizza."
Sam early and lay in the early dawn light, studying Kait's face as she slept curled up next to him. He had heard her a couple of times in the night:she hadn't slept well. He had woken twice and seen her standing at the window looking out. He hadn't spoken for fear of startling her, but he also wanted to watch what she was doing. The trouble was she didn't seem to be doing anything. She had been acting strangely lately and Sam had no idea why. It was unusual for her to want to hide away with him, she was usually such a social person. Sam wondered briefly is she was considering breaking it all off with him, but it didn't seem that way. She was more loving this weekend than usual~she had told him a number of times she loved him and that in itself was peculiar. She had never really been one for a lot of words to prove love. Sam hoped it was just that she had that meeting with her father.
That was another thing he couldn't work out. Kait had stated a number of times that she hated her father and would never in her life speak to him again. She had stated it as recently as three weeks ago. He had no idea what could have happened to make her change her mind so drastically. He shrugged to himself and smiled as he looked at her now peaceful face.
"One day, I am going to marry this woman," he said to himself with conviction. He carefully slid his arm under Kait's neck and held her close to him, drifting slowly back to sleep.
"Want some breakfast?" Sam awoke to Kait's cheerful voice and opened his eyes to see her put a plate on his bedside table.
"You cooked me breakfast?" He yawned.
"Well, sorta. The bakery did. I just went and got it." Sam peered at his plate to see croissants and jam. "I got up early and you were still asleep, so I went to get breakfast and the Sunday papers.
"Sports section, please." He held out his hand as he lifted his coffee mug and sat
up. They read and ate in silence for some time until Kait threw the paper aside.
"Sam?"
"Mmm?" Sam answered distracted by the paper.
"Put the paper down!" She teased. He laid the paper aside with a sigh and turned to face her.
"What's up, baby?"
"Nothing. Just wanted to tell you I love you." She wound her arms around his neck and he smiled, vaguely disturbed. "You know, I have always loved you. And I am so glad you came into my life."
"Kait, what's going on?" Sam demanded. "And don't tell me 'nothing'. You're acting strangely." She stared at him a moment.
"Oh, I don't know," she stalled. "I guess I just figured it was important to tell you rather than assuming you know it. You know I have wasted so many years with my father. I had to forgive him before it was too late and I guess maybe that's why. I just had to tell you I suppose." Sam nodded, unconvinced. He had no idea what was going through her mind. Her explanation did make sense, but he never knew she felt like that about her father. She had never given any indication of the way she had been feeling.
"Kaity, you know I love you. That has never been a secret. And I know I said I wouldn't pressure you about it..but will you please rethink your decision on moving in here?"
"Sam.." Sam looked at Kait and thought he saw tears in her eyes. He looked again and decided he must have been imagining things. Kait never cried. In all the time they had been together, he had not seen her shed one single tear. She just wasn't the type to cry. Kait hesitated, and seemed to want to say something, then closed her mouth again. "I'll think about it..that's all I can promise."
Kait lay awake as usual at 3am. She looked at Sam's head beside her, bathed in moonlight. She gently ran one hand over his hair, trying not to wake him. She lay silently, unmoving, just staring at him, seeming to want to etch every feature into her memory. She thought back over the weekend they had just shared with a smile. she couldn't have hoped for a better weekend. They had spent all of a Sunday in bed, until getting up to have a shower.
"I wish.." Kait thought wistfully then shook her head firmly. Wishes didn't work, miracles didn't happen. She lay beside Sam for another hour, then eased herself from the bed. She crept on silent feet into Sam's office where she took some paper and a pen from a drawer, switching the little lamp on. She stared out of the window into the dark sky, put her head down with a sigh and resolutely started to write.
She finished the letter and sealed it in an envelope without rereading it. She wrote Sam's name on the outside and propped it up on the kitchen table where he was sure to see it. She walked around the house for a short while, touching things that held a special place in her heart. The hall table they had lovingly sanded and stained, the rug on the floor of the living room, the vase on the kitchen table, filled with the pink roses she adored. She picked up a silver~framed photograph of the two of them and choked back a sob. She put it down and finally crept slowly toward the bedroom where Sam still lay asleep. She prayed he didn't wake as she approached the bed. This was hard enough as it was~she did not need him to wake up and make it even harder. She stood staring down at him for what seemed to be an eternity, but in reality was only ten minutes or so.
Finally, she bent to kiss him softly on the lips. "Goodbye, baby. I love you~never forget that." She turned and walked from the bedroom, stopping once at the door to look back, pain and misery engraved onto her face. She swallowed tears and walked out of the front door, into the just~dawning day.
"Kait?" Sam stretched as he raised his head and looked around the quiet apartment. It was too quiet and he wondered for a moment if Kait had gone to the bakery again. He stretched again and got up from the bed. He yawned and walked out into the kitchen. he looked around the quiet house in bemusement. He walked to the study door, noticing the lamp on his desk still turned on. He switched it off quickly and walked back to the kitchen, pushing the hair from his eyes. It was then that he noticed the envelope on the table, with his name on it in Kait's handwriting. "What the hell?" He wondered aloud. "Maybe she really did leave me?" His hands trembled as he quickly tried to tear open the envelope.
He read the letter rapidly, his face paling as he neared the end.
"Oh, my God, oh no, Kaity." He dropped the letter on the table and ran to the bedroom grabbing his jeans and a shirt, pulling them on as he ran for the door, stopping only to grab his car keys. He checked his watch as the door slammed behind him. The door's slight draught cause the letter to float off the table and drift slowly toward the floor.
"Iris".