| My Darling Son, Here it is another Christmas without you, my 3rd one, I just don`t know how I have come this far without you, but I have, people tell me how strong I am to have survived, but what other choice do I have, but to go on. I have your little son Connor to look after, he needs his nannie. Without me and Sara to look after him, I hate to think what his poor little life would be like. I know Karen tries her best, but as you know Boo, she is useless, can`t even look after herself let alone Connor. The pain of losing you is just unbearable, but I know I must try my best to give Connor the life you would have wanted for him. Each morning and every night, I pray to you, to give me the strength to get through another day!! Some how I make it, but my heart just isn`t in it anymore. My heart broke into a million peices on Feb 25th 2002 and it will never mend. I don`t understand or know why God wanted you , but I do know I want you back so badly. If it were true that a parent could die from grieveing so much, I`d already be reunited with you. I know each and everyday, I`m at least a day closer to being with you again and leaving this awful pain behind. Boo you brought me so much joy and happiness, sometimes you made me sad, but the happy times really do out weight the bad, I wouldn`t change one second of our time together, I just wish there could have been more, more time to tell you how much I love you, more time to tell you how very special you are, but at least I had 30 wonderful years and if I could do it all again I would still pick you, (warts an all) Thrirty wonderful years and you were taken away from me in a blink of an eye. Oh how I just want to touch you, kiss you, hug you and hear your voice, if just for one last time. This will be the 3rd Christmas without you and I do still put up the tree and decorations, cos I know that is what you would want me to do, for Connor and Emily. If it wasn`t for the bairns I wouldn`t bother. I would just go to bed and hopefully sleep right through until it was all over. Christmas just isn`t the same anymore without you (I hate this time of the year now) You always loved the tree and decorations and I hope you look down and say "done it again mam, thats great". Your last Christmas with us, remember you helped me put the lights up in the dinnette, cos I couldn`t get the drawing pins into the wood, you thought it really funny, but we ended up in fits of laughter, oh how I miss your laughter. Son I miss you so very much, some days I just don`t know what to do with myself, it hurts so bad, but I will keep going and I will keep my promise to you, to look after Connor, I won`t let you down son, this I promise with all my heart. Connor is so excited this year, he understands what Christmas is all about, so we have to make it so special for him, he wants everything he sees on the telly, but not the girlie things. We will make it a special time for him and he looks forward to his prezzie from his angel daddy, this year he wants loads of cars, but behind all the smiles lays the broken heart of your mam, who always yearns for her little blue eyed boy. I think back on all the Christmas`s we had together and I would give anything to have them times back, but it is not meant to be, so I will treasure my memories with you and wait for the day we are together again. Boo as I try to get through another Christmas without you, PLEASE ,PLEASE, send me some strength, Boo always remember that I LOVE YOU so very much and I miss you terribly. MERRY CHRISTMAS MY SWEET ANGEL ALWAYS REMEMBERING THE GOOD TIMES MY LOVE FOREVER MAM xxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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