Hi Sweetheart......Oh Boo, I miss you so much. I don`t know how long this letter will be. I don`t know if I can get this wrote out today. It is coming up to February, and that will make it three whole years, three whole years without you, three whole years since I last saw you,, three whole years since I last touched you, three whole years since I last kissed you, oh son I miss you so very much. Sometimes I am so afraid to cry. I am afraid to cry in case I don`t stop crying for you. I can`t accept that you are not with me. I know you aren`t, but my heart just can`t accept it. My heart aches for you, my arms and hands ache to touch you, my lips ache to kiss you, I just want you, there is no other way of putting it, I want my son, I want you back with me. Every day is bad from getting up in the morning to going to bed on a night, even then I don`t rest, I toss and turn all night. You are always on my mind, there is never a moment that I don`t think about you. Christmas has just gone (thank God) I don`t know how I got through, but I did and I like to think it was you that gave me the strength to make it. Connor had a good time, he loved his bike and scooter and all the cars he got, he is just like you Boo, he loves cars. I was annoyed with Karen, as we only got to see him for half an hour on Christmas day and we didn`t get to see him at all on Boxing day, she choose to spend it with her so called family that don`t bother with her all year. I felt as if she had slapped me and Sara in the face, but never mind so long as Connor enjoyed himself, thats the main thing at the end of the day isn`t it. Emily got everything she asked for and more besides, but what made us laugh was she got a cd of Bryan McFadden and you would have thought it was the best gift in the whole world, ran round the room, shouting with joy, it was so funny Boo. Connor got everything he asked for as well, everyone bought him, which pleased me, but I just wish with all my heart that we could give him the best present in the world and what he really needs and that is his daddy!!!!! We went to cemetary Christmas eve, we took our wreaths and flowers, but you should be home with us and we should be giving you gifts instead of taking flowers to a cold cemetary, oh how it breaks my heart!!!! Nikki left you a lovely plant, she is so sweet Boo, she comes to see you nearly every week, she misses her big cousin so much, she has two kiddies now, Jordon is four now and Neve is two, she`s a pretty little thing, you would love her Boo. So much has changed since you have been gone Boo, Sara is doing her driving lessons, and doing really well, soon be taking her test, she keeps herself very busy, as that is the way she copes with your loss, she misses you so very much. Dave and Neta have bought their house now, they are having a new kitchen fitted this month, Dave seems to cope with your loss, but he keeps it all to himself, but I know he misses you too. As for Garry, he is still finding it hard to come to terms with the loss of Chris and Sophie and your loss, watch over them Boo they miss their brother so much. Me!!! well I`m just mam, trying to cope the best way I know how, but not succeeding very well, as always keeping things bottled up, not letting anyone see how bad I really am, trying to show the world that I am coping, they all think I am really strong, oh how wrong they all are. They just haven`t got a clue how I really feel. How the hell am I supposed to get on with my life without you, how am I supposed to except that you are gone from me and I`m never going to see you again. I am so bloody angry, not at you Boo, but at the loss of all those dreams you had, all gone now, they died the day you did. All the things you should be doing with Connor, I`m just so angry that he will never know you the way we do, he will never know how loving and caring you are and what a great dad he has, all we can do is try to explain to him how wonderful you are and what a great dad he has, but how can you put into words the way you are. You should be here Boo, you should be here with us, laughing, joking, enjoying being a dad and living your life to the fullest. I am so sorry my son, I know I should not be so sad, I know that you would hate to see me so unhappy, but I can`t help it Boo, I am sad, I am hurt, I am a grieving mam, longing for my son, longing for you Boo. I am sorry son, sorry for all the things that you have missed, sorry for all the things you will miss, I am sorry for all the pain you suffered, I am just so very sorry.................
I love you Boo, I miss you Boo, My Angel Son Now and Forever
Mam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
