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| My Darling Son, as your birthday once again comes, I must face another hard day without you. I feel like I will die, not being able to share it with you. Son you would be thirty three this year, if only you were here!!!!. I am so sad and lonely without you. Oh how I dream of what might have been and what our lives would be like now if you were here. If only I could tell you how much my life has changed since that terrible day in February. My darling son, it was not meant to be for us and I will have to live with that for the rest of my life, God only knows this is the hardest thing I have had to live with. I can never be the same, nor would I want to be the same without you!!!! So many times I sit on my own and think back to the times were there was so much to be happy about. The days we shared, some not so good and some so wonderful and if only I had you still here today, I would make all our days so happy for us all. I need you in my life to make me happy again, but I know that will never be now. Son, I sit here today feeling like I am dying inside without you. Ian, I still wonder why, why it was you that had to go? God please help me understand WHY!!!! Why I had to lose my youngest son, why did I have to lose a child at all, what did I do that was so wrong?? Please God why Ian and not me!!!! Everyday of my life is a torment, missing my son, wanting my son, needing my son, but knowing I can never have him back. I just don`t understand, I will never understand as long as I live!!!! Tuesday my darling son, is your birthday and from deep within my heart I just want to say "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" I love you so very much, I just wish with all my heart, that I could spend it with you. As always I am crying, knowing there`s nothing I wouldn`t give just to hold you in my arms once more, as I did thirty three years ago. I was never to know on that day how much I would need and love you as I do today. Never to be able to say "Happy Birthday Son" again, it`s almost more than my heart can bear. Ian I can only hope you will have the best birthday ever and never know the pain in your mam`s life. I`m truly dying inside without you. Just to hear you say "Hi mam I love you" or "Its my birthday today, what have you got me" Please know that on the 28th September I will be thinking about you and all the past birthdays that I took for granted and thought you would always be here, forever in my life. God please take care of my kind, caring, loving son, tell him how much he is loved and missed by all his family, especially his heartbroken mam. Ian please tell nannie and granddad that I love and miss them too. But most of all tell nannie to put her arms around you and hold you close to her heart, until the day I come and hold you, and never let you go again. Ian I can`t stop crying, I love the idea that you are with them both and that they are telling you just how very special you are. I know they both love you as much as we all do. You never know your granddad while you were here on earth, so I`m sure you both are having a great time together, I know you will get on great as you both have the same sense of humour. Well my darling son until next time, please know you are right here to stay forever in my broken heart and a sad lonely, broken heart it is without you here. Connor, Emily, Sara, Garry, David and Neil all send their love and birthday wishes. Baby please know you are always on my mind and in my heart. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON Love and Kisses Mam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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| MY SPECIAL ANGEL "BOO" |