Yes my friends, it's official. With the launch of the new MTV Network, MTV Mandatory, everyone will soon be required to watch MTV.
"If they don't watch, " said an MTV spokesperson, "then they will really, really wish that they had." This is seen by many as another attempt on MTV's part to dictate what they can and can't do. MTV spokespeople claim that the title "mandatory" is symbolic of everyone's desire to watch MTV. This excuse is disputed mainly by the recent legal troubles involving the aforementioned party.
In an attempt to boost ratings, MTV special forces agents tried to add a liquefied form of the already popular Total Request Live into New York City's water supply. They were caught in the act by police officers who were tipped off by a drunken, yet remorseful Carson Daily. The court case is still pending.
Some wonder why it is that they will want so much to watch. It seems as though MTV is slightly overconfident in their line of reasoning. In a recent news conference, the founder, creator, and owner of MTV (henceforth referred to as "Mr. MTV") appeared overtly boastful and threateningly optimistic on the outlook of the new television station.
"Not watch MTV?" he inquired in a drug-induced stammer, "you just try not watchin', I dare you!" There was no response from the audience until he revised his statement into a "double-dare". As the crowd responded with a unanimous "you're on", he followed his statement with several minutes of sinister, yet hearty laughter. He then revealed that the new station would not just be on a new channel, but an entirely new form of cable television, aptly titled "Fuh Q Over"TM. The estimated cost for monthly billing is $2000. He would not say the cost for installation; when inquired, he responded only with a mocking laugh. |
