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Seattle, Washington--Owner of Microsoft and Evil Genius, Bill Gates, recently purchased the patent to water, in all of its forms. He bought the patent from Jesus Christ, who also holds the title "God" (the creator of the universe and water). He has yet to officially say what he is to do with the patent, but his intentions are obviously pure evil. During the second coming of Jesus Christ, Jesus lost his righteous path to that of drugs, alcohol, and gambling. While gambling, he lost most of the money he had, so he started wagering personal property of God and his estate. He successfully defended himself in a lawsuit from God to get the property back. His strategy was the infamous "I am God" tactic. Therefore he lost several of his patents, including those to "animals", "plants", and the aforementioned "water" patent. An inside source* has revealed that now that he owns Earth��s entire water supply, Bill Gates intends to only distribute water through the modems of people who have the Windows XP software on their computer. This is most likely a plan to free the world of poor people; if you don��t have a computer, you will die of thirst. Thus, this will launch the world into a prosperous future, where everyone has a computer. Microsoft��s actions are not to be without consequences; an underground resistance movement known as the PIDGACLM (People Intending to Destroy Gay-Ass Companies Like Microsoft) has already gained over 20,000 followers, most of them former employees of Microsoft or Linux users. PIDGACLM made their first strike last Tuesday, attacking a Microsoft day care center full of employees�� children. Rumor has it that their next target is a local Comp U.S.A., where Windows Software is carried. -Zach Wubbleyou, Super-Excitement Internet Entertainment Correspondent |
| Microsoft now owns water |
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