One thing is for sure, and that is that this isn't yo' mama's heavenly spirit. That's right, recording artist, God, has shed the kind exterior that His previous workings so vigorously upheld. He makes such bold proclaimations as "My trigger finger itches to cap these sons of bitches" and "Thou hath attended church and paid your dues well, so I'll try not to laugh when you're burnin' in hell." Yes, inspired by those hip hoppin', oh so lovable troubled rap youthes, such as Eminem and Ludacris, God has decided to up his popularity by pretending to be scarred by a bad childhood.
Hardcore Bible-Humpers will be suprised to find that God no longer loves them. In fact, He now hates them, along with the rest of the world. Of course, just like his rapping peers, He still thanks Himself for every award he gets for trying to be offensive. Some speculate that, also like his peers, he will not uphold His new image outside of his music. This could mean adopting new policies on faggots, abortion, and other views commonly held by liberal shitheads.
With all this excitement, some wonder how Satan is feeling about the recent turmoil, and how he is coping with no longer being the biggest badass in town.
"I am very confused on the matter." said the devil. "Should I team up with God? Should I be the other evil guy and compete with Him? Should I become the good guy? So many questions." Satan's followers are having even more troubling decisions; they no longer worship the toughest being, so do they stick with the wuss, or join the Destroyer (as He is now calling himself)? One thing is for sure, God, or the Destroyer, will soon be a hit on MTV's Total Request Live.
Other dieties couldn't be reached for comment, though the Pope had a few things that he felt he needed to get off his mind.
"Fuck that shit! 70 years of being good and now He says He's not rewarding us for trying to behave? If he doesn't go to hell, I'm gonna kick his ass personally!" |
