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Story Jokes
A man was driving his car down the road doing 50 mph when his wife in the passenger seat said " Honey, I'm leaving you" The husband didn't reply and started going 60 mph. The Wife continued "Reason I'm leaving you is your brother is a better lover" The mans only reply was making the car now go 70 mph. "I also want to house" the wife continued, and the man started doing 80 mph. "I also want our bank accounts and this car" she added. He started doing 90 mph. The wife looked at her soon to be ex and asked him what he wanted. He replied "I got all I need". "Oh yeah, what's that?" she asked. "I got the airbag" He smiled.
This is your captin screaming
Shortly after take off the pilot went on the intercom and annonced, "This is your captin speaking, we are currently at a altitude of 32,000 feet on route to Houston, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the pilot at the end. After a couple minutes of quietness from the passengers the pilot comes back on and says "sorry bout that, a flight attendent accidently spilled coffoe on my crotch, you should see the stain on the front of my pants" laughed the captian and then a guy from coach yells "You should see the stain in the back of mine"
Over turned wagon
A farmer boy accidently overturned his wagon load of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived near by came to investigate the wreck. "Hey Billy" the farmer cried out "forget your troubles for awhile and come have supper with us, and then aftet wards I'll help you overturn your wagon."
"That's awful nice of you" said the boy "but I don't think my dad would like me to"
"Aw, come on" the farmer insisted.
"Well ok" agreed the boy "but dad won't like it"
After the dinner the boy thanked the farmer for the dinner. "I feal alot better now but I know my dad's going to be upset"
"Don't be silly" the farmer said "by the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon" the boy replied.
Jumping to conclusions
A guy was about to jump off a bridge in Arkansas when a redneck say him and strolled up to him. "Don't do it, think about how your friends will feal" and the guy replied "I don't have any friends". "Then think about what'll happen to your family" and the guy replied again "All my family is dead". The redneck looked at him long and then said "Think about Robert E. Lee......" "Who?" the jumper interupted. The Redneck yelled "Jump you damn yankee!!!"
Baseball Heaven
There were two baseball fanatics who went to 60 home games, read every box score, and read every transaction report. They made a pact then when one of them died he would come back and tell the other if there's baseball in heaven. So came the day that one of the men died and the other guy went to his funeral. That night at home his friend visited him from beyond the grave. "So is there baseball in heaven?" the friend asked. The ghost looked at him and said "I have good news and bad news". "Really, good news first then" the guy replied. The ghost spoke "There is baseball in heaven". "And now for the bad news" the guy asked. "The bad news is, your pitching in tommoro's baseball game".
Cutting hairs
There was this barber and one day a priest walked into his barbers shop and got a hair cut. The priest asked how much he owed and the barber says nothing cause it was his service to god. The next day he found a free bible on the doorstep when he opened shop. That day a cop comes in the barbers shop and gets a hair cut. The cop asks how much he owes and the priest says nothing, I consider it a service to my community. The next day he finds a thank you note and a dozen doughnuts on his door step. That day a senator came in and got a hair cut. How much do I owe you asked the senator. Nothing it's my service for the country. So the senator leaves and then the next morning he finds 20 senators on his doorstep waiting for him to open.