POLICE JOKES
Stupid Criminals
A convict couldn't stand another day in a Rhode Island Prision. Serving 90 days for disorderly conduct he spends 88 days concocting a scheme to break out. On the 89th day he succesfully made his escape. He was later caught a few months later and sent back to prision to serve 1 and a half years for breaking out.
A Nevada robber who let a convenience store clerk make one phone call during a hold up was later surprised when the police showed up.
A Rhode Island man charged with breaking open vending machines tried to pay his $400 bail in quarters.
A man in Tennesse planed to blow up the Percy Priest Dam, near Nashville. He planned to flood the city and then strap on scuba gear, and dive through the city and plunder it's riches. The man had never been scuba diving before and the dynamite he rigged only managed to knock down the door of an old wooden shed near the top of the dam.
A theif who would like to smash windows of jewelry stores and grab what ever he could. One store he robbed replaced its windows with unbreakable plexiglass. When he tried to throw a cinder block at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit him in the head, knocking him out cold.
A couple of bank robbers decided to rob a bank and make away with the loot. Little did they know that across the street a Cop rally was going on. Needless to say they were quickly arrested.
A crock quickly grabbed to money bags out of an armor truck and quickly ran off. The police followed the trail of pennys from where the two bags he was carring were full with $800 worth of pennys and were so heavy he had to drag them.
A burgler would break into houses, using he credit card to jimmy open the door locks. He was finally arrested when breaking into a house with his card he opened the door and grabbed a few items from the house. The burgler forgot his credit card at the house and it was later used to track him down.
A woman decided to short change a convenience store. She got a pack of ciggerettes and put a $50 bill on the checkout desk. When the cashier opened her register the lady then demanded all the money in the register. The clerk gave it over and the lady fled. She managed to steal only $25, but she left her $50 bill back at the store. (who robbed who?)
A couple drug smuglers decided to steal a gas company truck and then repaint it and then drive it over the border into the U.S. . The border guards decided to search to truck after noticing the company name on the side was misspelled.
A customs agent was working when she noticed a guy carrying a golf bag with him. Being a golf player she started asking him questions relating to golf. When he didn't understand what she was asking she had the mans golf bag searched finding cocaine.
Designated Driver
An officer was parked outside of a bar and noticed a guy stumbled out of the bar at closing time. The man then stumbled over to his car and put he keys in the lock and opened the door and got in. The cop waited for the man to start up the car and drive away before he pulled over the drunk. The drunk gets out of his car and walks over to him, the cop amisters the breath-a-lyzer test and the drunk passes. The cop asks him why he was stumbling out of the bar and the man replied "Today at the bar I was the designated decoy"
More things you don't want to say to an officer.
Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar dector wasn't pluged in.
Your not going to check the trunk are you?
When the officers says "Gee son, your eyes look red, have you been drinking"
don't reply "Geez officer, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Are you Andy or Barney?
I pay your salary
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be an officer
SUBMIT JOKE HERE