Christmas is coming near. It's been a while I wrote my online journal. I went up to Pennsylvania this weekend. It was a trip. ha! The snow up there was BEAUTIFUL. Me, My sister, Justin, Chris, and Ben went up there to see Mike perform as the Plum Ferry at Nutcracker ballet. He was so talented!
Neways, lately, God's been hitting my heart with "grace". Just with the story of the one criminal that was saved on the last minute by the grace of Jesus.. and just grace of God.. how it has bestowed on me. God's been tugging my heart to give grace to people who I think does not deserve grace by my standards.. but who am I to say that? I didn't deserve God's grace in the first place. grace.. Grace..
Finals are here. One more week left of school, and I'm done with Fall Semester. As much as I anticipate the ending of this chapter, I look back and somehow regret I could have done so much more with my given time. perhaps I could have lived more in the moment than to close my eyes and fall asleep. Lately, I begin to realize that I determine my self worth by counting my achievements or the things that I do. If I keep encouraging this state of mind, I know I'll always feel "not good enough". My life is more than this.. my life is more than school GPA's , extracurricular activities, and what jobs I had or have.. or how much money I have in my bank acount, what clothes I wear, ... right, the list goes on.
Somehow I need to find a balance.. balance. balance. balance.
Christmas is coming. I need to pray more.. and get back with God. It's so easy to just get lazy.. I must rid my numbness.. (Pray for me whoever is reading this.)
I miss my mom and dad.
Just got off phone with Kelli.. my bestest friend.. okay she says Hello to Everyone. Okay, Kelli, we have till Thursday to hold on to our "fragile little mind".. keepin ourselves with endless caffeins and wake up calls.
We can do it. WE can do it. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. amen. okay nite nite Kerri. SeE yA tOmOrRoW!!!
ROCK ON! Kelli and I threw a party at Donald's House... A Christmas party. Erica, Kelli, and I decorated the house with candles, mistletoe, and pines.. it was beautiful.. Let's see if I can remember the ppl that came. Donald, Eric, Mikey, Mike, Brandon, Erica, Kelli, me, Adele, Heather, April, Elle, Daniel, Josh, Matt, Kim, Ken, Amy, Luke, Kimmie, Justin, Hee Jae, Van, Dawn, Vick, Amanda, Ronny, and so much more. We fried a turkey with dale and cajun seasoning.. it was perfect.. the mash potatoes.. sweet potatoes, green bean casseroles,.. but more than anything else God was glorified!!!!
We sang songs and hymns ,and later, D2O got crunk for JC. GOD ROCKED THE HOUSE WITH HIS PRESENCE. wow.. what a wonderful Savior.. and that's what we celebrated tonight. The true meaning of Christmas. His unending Grace and unlimited love. We lit about 100 tea candles, held hands, and just prayed before God. God was flowing amongst us like a WAVE! I FELT IT! neways, tonight was awesome.. GOD WAS AWESOME. GLORY TO GOD. GLORY TO CHRIST.
21st
I watched Lord of the Rings III. It was deep.. I was thinking about Jesus and His victory more than anything else.. I was feeling it.. the movie ended around 2:30 AM.. and I was on deep thought on my way home.. than
in the midsts of the quiet moment with God.. I slipped.. and I said "SH*T...I LEFT MY WALLET IN THE THEATRE".. So Tyrone took me and TA DA!! THE THEATRE WAS STILL OPEN! AND MY WALLET WAS THERE.. THANK YOU THANK YOU GOD. ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my precious..........
I talked to Kuan today. It was great to get in touch with my old school friends. I really miss them. Kuan, Shi, Rod, Jeff, Dezz, Jenn, Sam, Lyn, and Kyung.. I look back at my hs years and I think I had a blast.
My heart is in the islands.. ah.. Neways
O my gosh.. it's Christmas eve.. , me and my sister just hung out.. made an awesome dinner and talked.
Got a chance to talk to Mike, Woong, Will, and Kelli tonight.. Merry Christmas everyone...
It's been already 16 days after 2003. Started the year fresh and awesome with God..
I haven't been doing so good lately. I just imagine, ponder, and doubt.. where I am with people in life.
Do they.. will they... are they really.. or more so, Am I?
Sometimes I get scared or frightened.. about what's going to happen... because trials come like a sausage link.. one after the other'.. well, at least for me. sometimes they come in pairs.. sometimes they come in a massive amount. My flesh gets weak right before the big hurricane. I know God allow things to happen. I know if I lose something, it is for a greater gain.. His glory.. Sometimes that's how God refines me.. like a blade.. hammered, burned.. or that's how I get to know Him better.. or that's how God reveals Himself.. or how I trust Him more.. whatever the reasons are, I know at the back of my head, this is a test. life is a test! and God is with me..
but at times like this, I just want to ignore everyone, ignore my life, ignore my responsibilities, ignore everything.. and also ignore my spirit.. ignore God. now will that help? .. no.. but somehow I want to.. What triggered? what's the problem? What is wrong? what's wrong.. ? what's wrong.... tell me.. , God says...
I don't know, God. I just feel unloved today. I just feel sso crappy today.. I think I'm losing my mind...