Me, Kelli, Josh, josh's sister and brother, Donald, Adel, Eric, Mike, and Katie, we were nervous. Our drive to Villa Rica was quite long, but as soon as we got to the church, adrenaline started to kick in. Everyone rocked out their hearts before God that night. I just felt so confidant and filled with Him. I just hope He was glorified through my music. The worship lasted from 6:30~10:00.
We all went to Waffle House afterwards. I was so tired.. but all of a sudden I felt so sick. I felt the same sickness that I felt when I broke up with Jeff. (Do you know what I'm talkin about? Well, not with Jeff, but the feeling you get after you break up with someone? )
I felt really sick and horrible driving back home all alone in my car. I got home around 2 am. The house was dark, and everyone was sleeping. I went inside my room and prayed for awhile.. and I don't remember. I guess I fell asleep.
Woke up and went to church by myself. I like to go to church alone sometimes. It makes me calm. Andy is doing a series in Fool Proof. The message was great so I bought the Cd. I listened to it over and over on my way home.
I had an appointment with Pam today. I really like Pam. She's really sweet.
I don't even remember what I said, but I felt relief when I walked out of her office. I felt like I got something out of my chest. I'm looking forward to talk to her next week again.
I went to Esther's house for small group meeting. She made some lemon custard. It was ssso good. I really like my small group girls.. Erica, kelli, esther, heather, and jennifer.
I met up with Mike at the studio this afternoon and played some songs together. Mike is filled with God. I admire his passion and humility.
Later on, I went to Donald's house. Donald, me, kelli, adel, brandon, and Mike.. we had a blast. We went to Wal-mart and bought some gifts to send it to the poor kids. I bought tooth paste, tooth brush, teddy bear, hard candy, crayons, notepad, finger paints, and some kind of musical thing... We all wrapped it in a shoe box and wrote letters. All the toys reminded me of my childhood. It made me sad. Neways, Donald came up with the gift idea. I like Donald. Sometimes he could be a pain in the butt, but he's like my little brother.
Went to the 10:30 service. Couldn't find my car in the parking lot. I was so embarrassed. I think I wondered around the parking lot for at least 15 minutes. Suddenly Vick came to rescue. He drove me around the parking lot to find my car... hehe..
The weather's getting really cold. I didn't wear enough clothes this morning. I'm feelin the fever now.
Yes, I am sick. I couldn't go to school today. I missed my class and my appointment. I slept till 3 pm. I have a headache and a fever. I want to eat some noodles..
I really miss my mom and dad. Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth all this... is it really... really..
Is anyone listening~~~~~~~~~~~~?
My insurance went up $60!! Negative consequence due to a very unwise decision. Neways, My sister and I went to Starbucks this afternoon .. God's doing some amazing stuff...
I can't fathom fully how Great God is... How holy He is.. how holy He is. In this amazing journey of my life.. the more I get to know Jesus, I feel more liberated and free in spirit. God continues reveal His love to me.. especially in moments when I'm stumbling and struggling with my faith.. and dependence in Him.. My sins over the last 1 and a half has blinded my eyes.. and numbed my heart.. I've become so distant.. and I faltered... and later became flat.. and became unware of my flattened affect.. Now I look back , and I can clearly see and feel the desperate and faithful heart of God.. and God continues to reveal Himself to me..even today.. continue to forgive my sins.. renew His strength in me.. Even in my depression.. Journey is rough.. but it's worth it.. I'm so in awe by His endless grace to me..his grace...
Today, I feel free and alive.. and I think God is teaching me to be transparent and guiding me to live in the moment...