diary27

So here we are.. Its the first day of September and im dying of bordum at work.. But I guess it could be worse.. Nothing like being paid to do nothing on a Saturday afternoon.. So in 3 days I'll be 26.. Scary.. It seems like yesterday I was 18.. Was reading thru an old diary I have last night.. alot of things change over time but at least we have our memories.. Some good and some bad... Everyone has there own thoughts about getting older.. Im not 1/2 as insecure about it as I thought I would be years ago.. Not that I act my age (not that its always a good thing not to act my age) or look my age (played a guess your age thing at ex 2 weeks ago and the guy guessed 16(ok thats nuts) Got a cute stuffed Eore(sp?) and at Canada's Wonderland last week and guy guessed 18(i don't see it) got a stuffed chicken that shaped like a penis.. Nice cock eh? :P I think that getting older isnt always a bad thing.. It may be looked at different in gay community then by people individually or in the str8 world.. Its like couple weeks ago I was at a club and some guy came up to my friend and was talking to him for awhile and then he asked my friend how old he was and he said he was 27(not that he doesnt looks a day over 19) but after he said 27 the guy got up and walked away.. Like that is too much.. :P But personally i wouldnt want to know someone who is like that.. Then there are the people who lie about there age.. I will never do that.. But i guess its hard for some people to be much older and lie about there age.. I know a few people who are in there late 30's and say they are 27-28.. Not something I would do myself and if I met someone who lied about there age just says alot about there character or lact there of.. So life is going ok.. actually did some fun summer things to do.. Went to Canadian National Exhibition with my friend Heath (yearly tradition of drinking and going to exhibition) Then last week went with my friend Heath and Ian and Ian's b/f David too Wonderland.. That was fun.. hadnt been to wonderland in awhile.. Got soaked on log ride and actually went around wonderland with my shirt off.. I pity everyone who had to see that.. :) So if you go back alot of diary entries ago, last year was a stressful year.. Well way back then I got charged with assault because of a fight I had with someone who I shouldnt even have bothered to be friends with in the first place.. He hated me from day one that he met me because "i was too dramatic" But then again its not the first time I heard that.. Anyways one night I punched him at a club called the barn .. I was quite drunk at the time.. then i sat outside the barn crying and saying to anyone who would listen that i wanted was for him to like me (as a friend i meant) when this big fat bouncer named steve came out and told me to get off the property.. I wouldnt so him and this other fat bouncer beat the shit outta me (woke up next morning had a black eye, cuts all over me) My friend Dylan sent me home in a cab.. Then couple hours later from this guy I punched.. When I heard his voice I hung up.. he called back.. I hung up again.. Then he said he wouldnt press charges if I listened too him.. He gave me this guilt trip for 20 min saying he has some disease.. and that he doesnt let people close to him because of this disease and stuff like that.. the whole time I was crying and kept saying Im sorry.. Anyways this was on June 5rd/2000 that it happened for the next few weeks I had people I didnt even know bitch me out like a chick at fly one night.. There was a few people who we both we're friends with who said he deserved it.. some said they wouldnt talk to me again and for the most part it ended my friendship with alot of people I knew except for a group of friends who I have had for years.. I know what I did wasnt right.. But I hope he is glad that he ruined a good few months of my life.. Turned alot of people against me.. Then there was pride of 2000.. I dont know why I even bother.. I was in such a bad mood that all i did was get all fucked up on drugs and didnt have fun at all.. I questioned my friendship with everyone I knew... I saw this guy with a bunch of his friends and I guess to him that I didnt look miserable enough and didnt look miserable for the whole month whenever i saw him.. So one day I get a message on gay.com from him with another huge guilt trip saying he changed his mind and was going to charge me with assault.. at the time I was being bashed by his friend Chris(who used to be my friend, but as far as im concerned now he is NOTHING to me) and him in main chat room.. Anyways the following weekend over a month from the incident I got charged with Assault.. from this point there was going to court and finding a lawyer and bunch of other bullshit.. Had a horrible 20th birthday.. pieced my nipple to try to prove to myself that I was strong enough to deal with all this shit.. Then on October 23/2000 the verdict.. 12 months probation... 75 Hours community service.. have to take an anger management course.. can't go to the barn (not that i cared about this, one of the best things that happened to me) .. cant assoicate with this guy (which isnt a big deal because I never plan on assoicate with him again).. the only problem I had with this is sometimes I see him at times I have gone to fly.. and lord.. Here i am.. i actually asked a mutual friend a couple times if he is ok with me being there because if he had a problem with it, i'd leave) Not that I ever went near whereever he was unlike him who would sit around where i was when he knew I was there.. Anyways early this year I did the anger management course.. I learn alot from it.. :) it was actually alot of fun.. When that was done I did my community service at PWA foundation in there food bank.. I loved every minute I spent there.. everyone who works there is so nice and friendly.. I also liked it because its fun to be able to help people who are less fortunate then yourself and you learn that you dont got it 1/2 as bad as you think that you do.. Anyways I finished my community service on Aug 23/2001 and now almost done the probation but I am also going to stay at the food bank as a volenteer :).. I know one thing is I wont ever think that violence will solve a problem.. As much as I had alot of people tell me that he deserved a punch in the head I regret doing it.. But I also from it learned to not give a flying fuck what others think about me.. If people like me.. awesome but if they dont.. its there loss.. because I think im an awesome guy and have alot to give to someone as a friend and as a b/f to Jason.. He is in Detroit right now for weekend, roofing his dad's house.. all by himself.. :) isnt that so butch? :) He coming back in time for my birthday on Tuesday and we going to watch WWF Smackdown at ACC.. Lookin forward to it.. I know this birthday will be alot better then my last birthday.. I'll end this here.. Well it feels good to get all this off my chest.. :)