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| August 17, 2001 |
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| Love, Alan |
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| Why do i feel like ive stopped growing??? |
| Do you ever feel like the whole world has gone on but you have stopped somewhere along the way? Alot has gone on since I last wrote a diary entry.. Most of which I may or may not have forgot..Im a couple of weeks away from my 26th birthday, the summer has gone by too quick and don't know where it went. June I didn't really do alot.. saw Moulin Rouge which by the way I liked even though it was the first movie that I liked Nicole Kidman in.. The playoff hockey season went and Colorado won the Stanley Cup,im glad that hockey season is just over a month away because its one thing I miss about the summer.. But im crazy that way..Alot of June was just spent partying and stuff with friends and Jason (BTW: we are still together.. in a couple of days it willbe 9 monthswe been together but we have been having some problems but then again don't all realationships? Then again I do't reallyknow because this realationship is 7 months longer then any that I have had.. So in a way I guess its an accomplishment that it's lasted as long as it has.. I know I still love him.. I know he is the sweetest boy I have ever met.. I know he has put up with alot of shit from me.. I know he still loves me even though im probablythe most difficult/high maintance person he has ever met in his life..I know we drifted apart for a bit even though we still saw each other alot.. don't know why that happened.. I know i made a big mistake..I don't understand how he can love me as much as he does and has fromthe day he came up from Detroit to visit me over 2 1/2 years ago.. Idon't understand how he can love me unconditionally even though i'm an asshole.. I wish myself that I was a better person and had treatedhim better then I have over the past couple of months.. Im way too complex a person and analyze way too much for my own good... I justkinda want things to go back the way they we're before the summer started when we both didnt have as much stress and stuff to deal with..and im sure we can get back to where we were) Now I went off topic.. Partying..it capped off during pride weekend which is mostly a blank too me(damn e) Then in July I went too see Dido in concert.. Which was totally AWESOME!!!! I had been looking forward to it for a few months after I bought her album and feel in love with it andit never lefted my cd player for months.. So the concert was awesome..Went with Jason.. and funny cuz both of our favorite song and youcould call it our song (take my hand) Before she sang it she said that it was one of her oldest songs and that its slowly became herfavorite and when we she said that I just shreeked :) i knew it wasit.. and then I stood up to dance and slowly the whole crowd did.. it was the only song everyone stood up and danced too.. :) The rest ofJuly and August has been rather dull.. I went away for couple days with my mom but other then my life has consisted of too much work..Working too jobs and doing things Ive needed to do which I will write about in my next diary entry in a week or so.. So the last couple weeks ive been doing alot of thinking/feeling/crying.. Im not quitesure where my life is going too.. Im not very happy about alot of my life.. Ive been wearing alot of old clothes I havent worn in awhile..Ive been listening to alot of music I havent listened too.. I kinda feel like ive lost myself somewhere.. I dont know where.. Ive made somany mistakes with so many aspects of my life.. I went to visit myfriend Kimberley in hospital the other day after she had surgery and since then all i seem to be doing is thinking.. Theres alot ofpeople in my life have gone thru the years.. Maybe im having some freakish mid-life crisis about turing 26? I dont know.. Im thinkingof dying my hair black and getting a tattoo.. is that fucked up?Anyways I don't know what i want outta life.. but does anyone really?I know I want to find happiness... I know I want to smile more.. AnywaysI'm probably boring anyone who is reading this but I haven't wrote inhere in awhile.. so i just thoughts id share my thoughts and feelings of the summer time before it ends.. Will write another entry in next weekwith some revelations of my life.. PS: I wrote this in the morning and have since dyed my hair black.. i think I like it but its only been 10 hours now :) |
| Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life If you knew how lonely my life has been And how long I've been so alone And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along And change my life the way you've done It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong -Chantel Kreviazuk |