 |
|
 |
| February 22, 2001 |
 |
 |
 |
| i�ve made more mistakes than i can count upon my finger tips i have been ashamed and i have felt as guilty as all sin counting every tear that drops cannot account for any loss i�ll let the past remain behind me now fill it up with goodness i�ll drink it down with love never give up on me i will never give up on you you�re everything i need oh just look at what we�ve been through so far so goodi have wished on every star that shot across my broken heart i am still amazed that you came true i have kissed a hundred lips but none of them compare to this i have found myself inside of you you forgive my sad regrets and i forgive myself never give up on me i will never give up on you you�re everything i need oh just look at what we�ve been through never give up on me i will never give up on you you�re everything i need oh just look at what we�ve been through i love you -Jann Arden |
| Love, Alan |
 |
 |
 |
| My heart Aches.. My head aches.. I cant cry anymore |
| Yesterday was February 21/2000, it was suppose to be my 3 month anniversary with Jason Timothy Nichols.. All I know is Ive never met anyone who I loved as much as him but Right now he is really distant to me(more ways then one)(a>he is in Detroit and we cant talk much on the phone and b> I think I lost him) :( and I think ive lost his heart :( And Deservadly so..On Sunday night I did something.. I flirted with someone else after he left for Detroit.. It was something I shouldnt have done but could have done alot worse.. But one thing is all I have ever been from day 1 to him is been honest with him about everything.. I could have kept this from him like my friends told me to do but instead I told him.. Anyways I wish I hadnt of now because I dont think he'll ever forgive me.. Here I am at work.. I talked to him on the phone and then I hung up on him because he didnt sound like he cared anymore.. I ran outta the office crying and went for a smoke.. Where my mom who I work with followed me and asked me what was a matter.. I told her everything and cryed even more and she hugged me which me and mom never been big of effection.. She told me that everything will be fine and that realationships take work and that I need to grow up.. I told her I didnt know how to deal with realationships.. Ive never had a realationship that was serious.. But now it all seems to be over.. I remember on Dec 9/1998 I met this boy from Detroit when he got off the train in Toronto and I saw him in his Mapleleafs jersey I melted.. We spent a week together and he went back to Detroit and called me to say he wanted to move here.. I told him I didnt think he should and told him he didnt know what love was... Well Jason ended up moving to Toronto and Im glad he did because on Nov 21/2000 I ran into him at a movie (the Grinch) and looked down the hall and he was wearing this bright yellow vest and white turtleneck.. When I saw him that day I felt the same thing I did when he got off the train couple years back.. Anyways I got another chance to be with him and I was so happy.. He was this missing part of a puzzle I had been looking for.. in alot of ways we are alike but in others we are not.. But now that he is in Detroit I dont know what to do.. He's coming back on the weekend.. But dont know.. I do know that I DON'T want to live without him.. I know he is the best thing to ever happen to me.. On my way to work at rush hour I was listening to Dido songs on my portable CD player and one song that was one of our songs.. anyways when I listened I thought of the fact I could possibly not be in his arms ever again and started ro cry.. *crys while writing this* Anyways I do know one thing and I told him because I couldnt ever lie to hiim and with thus.. I had told him I guarentee that I would NEVER CHEAT ON HIM.. and I mean that more then any 5 words I have ever said in my life.. There isnt any other boys and as the lyrics of the dido song go.... "Take my hand and if I'm lying to you I'll always be alone" Which I mean 1000%.. So on this note I will end this butI will end this with something... Jason Timothy Nichols.. I love you more then anyone(which I told my mom) and I dont want to lose you... Please forgive me.. I cant live without you.. I know you hate argueing.. But in truth how many realationships does people agree on everything... All I know is your the first person I met who I cant see myself pushing away.. Please dont push me away! This has been the best 3 months of my life.. But I hope its not the last best 3 months of my life!!! :( |