| DAY TWO |
| Had a lie in, seeing as it's a saturday. Plus it means I avoid seeing delicious food.. mmm.. Boiled my egg for breakfast.. not even 3 this time, just one! It's that or a grapefruit and I'd rather eat my own faeces than a grapefruit.. It tasted good. As good as an egg can on its own. I have begun to potch around the house a lot more, cleaning things up, etc to keep myself occupied. I feel a bit like a smoker who has given up fags and has to keep themselves busy by doing completely random shite. I clean my bedroom, when I say clean I mean move all the crap from one end of the room to the other.. or load the dishwasher with the plate I had my egg on.. I look forward to lunch, which will be a fresh fruit salad. I begin to wonder whether the diet schedule has a typo on it and it actually means to say 'fresh fruit, salad' meaning I eat fruit with a regular salad... but I go with what it says. Who am I to argue with the navy commandos. As I buy the fruit it occurs to me I never actually checked out the validity of this diet. It was simply sent to me by a friend as a word document, I read it, and started following it. I started wondering if it was some almighty prank by some guy I've never even met, and in 2 weeks I will have lost nothing but my dignity and the inner wall of my colon.. I make a mental note to check with my friend dave, who is an army doctor, if it sounds real. I will probably forget this, as my mental notes are more like those really cheap post it notes that have no stick and just get lost.. When I cut the fruit up, I notice my hands are shaking with excitement. I am like some heroin junkie, unpeeling the foil and seeing the faithful brown stuff staring up at them. Only I have a watermelon. I take a chunk of the melon, and raise it to my lips. It occurs to me now, like never before, the beauty of food and how lucky we are to have shit like this, and as the sweet fleshy fruit hits my lips it's like nirvana exploding in my mouth (not the band). If god himself had a fruitbowl, this melon would be in it. Only it would probably be a bit bigger.. and without the pips... I prepare myself a huge portion of various fruits and sit down to eat them. Halfway through, I am full, but feel completely cheated by this.. I push bits of melon into my mouth, forcing them down.. I will not let a fruit salad beat me. But it did. Late afternoon, I face my biggest challenge yet.. I am attending the birthday party of the daughter of the guy I am working with, Iain. She is four.. you can see it now.. the place is rammed with party snacks, and the men are stood drinking deliciously cold beers. I glance nervously at the snacks, sipping a black coffee and explaining to people my insane diet.. I also meet Gareth Jones off 'How 2', which I think is pretty damn cool. I leave the party with a sense of pride at resisting temptation, and also with some jewellery I found on the chest of drawers upstairs.. The evening meal is steak, with cottage cheese, celery and tomatoes. I am excited about the steak. I feel nothing about the rest.. but will enjoy them anyway coz I am hungry. The steak is good, and the tomatoes are nice, but the cottage cheese tastes a bit odd.. as for the celery.. well, it tastes like celery.. I spend the rest of the night smelling the food in the fridge.. |