Ahh.. the last but one day. It's all downhill from here.. It feels a bit like a boat race from Britain to America.. I've faced rough seas and challenging times but now the water is calm and I can see the statue of Liberty on the horizon.. and I'm ready to eat the bastard!!
I have a little too much vinegar with the egg for breakfast, and so eat it with a look on my face like a porn star on the money shot.. it's as filling as a peanut, but I dont care anymore.. coz I'm mean and tough like a commando!!!
The egg-fest doesnt end there of course.. I have lunch to look forward to. 3 eggs and dry toast.. it's good, but it's not that good.. just a little butter and the whole thing would be so much nicer.. but I cant. I use brown bread in some sort of attempt to be extra healthy, like I'm going for extra points for some fictional contest.. The meal is okay, and I am now only 1 egg away from the end, which is good, but it still tastes a bit bland. Maybe after eating 20 eggs in a 2 week period that's what happens.. they lose any kind of taste.. like there's some sort of taste amnesty..
Throughout the day I have random little shivers of excitement as I think about the little snacks I can eat again.. of course I'm not gonna over indulge, but just one or 2 will do nicely.. I start thinking about Kit Kats again, and my mouth is watering so much tropical plants have started to grow under my bottom lip. Somehow I cant see Gillette having a razor for that.. maybe it's a new market for them. Out goes the Mach3.. in comes the Machete3.. I can see the tag line now... "inspired by the jungle.. created by man.." Have some guy shaving in a jungle spring, when a tiger attacks him, but he uses his Gillette to kill it and skin it (even though moments later it was gently gliding across his own throat). and in the next scene he's wearing a full suit made out of tiger skin.. including a nice tie from its tail and cufflinks from it's ears..
Sick, but stylish.
Thinking about the kit kats reminds me of when I was a kid, and every so often you'd come across a bar that had no wafers in it.. and I remember the sheer excitement I used to feel when I'd find one.. like when Charlie Buckett found the golden ticket to Willy Wonkas chocolate factory.. I'd be running down the street waving it in the air, and my dad would be shouting "run huw run!!" and I'd bump into slugworth and he'd offer me cash for my 'all chocolate kit kat'.. and I'd kick him in the balls and keep running... (earth calling huw.. come in huw..) I don't know why i'd get this excited. it was just chocolate at the end of the day.. I may as well just buy a dairy milk or something.. (disclaimer - other chocolate brands are available to buy) but I guess it was just a little twist on my life.. so I loved it! Their fuck up was my gain. Of course these days they would probably be sued for breaking trading standards..
I tried calling my friend Stamo during the day.. he has just returned from a long spell in New Zealand so I thought I'd call him and abuse him. There was no answer, but as I dialled it occured to me how mobile phones have seemingly destroyed our memory for numbers. I can still remember phone numbers I used to dial (before I got a mobile) off the top of my head.. I still know all my mates parents houses from years ago.. yet I couldnt for the life of me tell you what, say, fellas number is.. all I know is that I get up 'fella' in my phone book and press 'call'.. It's a pity.. coz I'd be fucked if I lost my phone..
Cheese pops into work after I have finished and we attempt to have a go at finishing the band website. It goes slowly, and I get highly frustrated by the computer as it seems to want to wind me up to boiling point. We eventually give up before we put our shoes through the screen. Unfortunately cheese had to cancel the saturday piss up, but it's probably for the best.. am sure that what my body doesnt need right now is me pickling it in alcohol.. I was probably being a bit overzealous in my return to normality.. or at least what I call normality.. But I'll still have a few beers..
I walk home from work, I figure I need the exercise.. but in doing so develop a heavy chaffing on my inner thighs that results in me walking into sainsburys on the way back looking like john wayne after riding a horse for 20 days straight.. It nearly puts me off my steak when I take a look back home..
The steak is nice, the cottage cheese is nice too.. it would be better with pineapple or something but hey ho. But the salad and tomatoes go down slowly.. I barely eat them. I am sick of them on their own.. and when I do eat salads in the future I will definatey have a little dressing on them or something. Maybe lard..
As I hit the sack, I smile. Firstly, because tommorow is my last day.. and secondly.. because an erotic film comes on the TV.. life cant get much better than this..