Closer to the end.. I am loving it. I look like shit.. I have bags under my eyes so heavy that if taken on a plane they would incur an extra charge, and the skin on my face has about as much colour in it as a village newspaper.. still, I'm a better man for it.. allegedly..
I went into work particularly early this morning, got in for about 8am.. which is pretty early, unless you're a milkman, in which case it's brunch time.. Oh and apparently parents of young children have to get up earlier than that too.. so I'm told..
I have gone right off boiled eggs, a reversal of my earlier thoughts in the diary when I was positively pro-boiling. Now they annoy me so it's back to plain old microwaving for me.. the burger chain way. Hoorah for radioactive cookery. I have a little wine vinegar again.. I still havent heard that it's not allowed on the diet.. not that I've asked anyone in particular, and it tastes nice, which is good enough for me.
I hear some bad news in the morning.. one of my disciples of the diet (Kerry) admitted to me that she had strayed on saturday.. by going out on the lash with her friends. She has broken the sacred vow, and I advise her that she must abstain from the diet for now.. until the gods are content she is ready to do it again. She says that's fine coz she's going on holiday wednesday..
In many ways it's good to be back in work.. in other, more realistic ways.. it's not. As i sit beavering away (no sexual references there I'm afraid) on the scrapheap challenge drawings I am working on, I start thinking about my lack of action in the female department at the moment. I go over the idea that am using the diet as a trigger to attract more women, at least that's what I am telling myself, I convince myself that once I have a decent body I will be more accessible to sexy ladies.. again this is what I tell myself. This will be until I realise that this isnt the key, and I will have to look at other ways I can improve myself to attract sexy ladies. I will probably die my hair black, thinking that it will work, and when that fails, I will think of other ways of attracting the sexy ladies. I will probably end up having reconstructive surgery to make myself look like george clooney, but will end up looking more like george out of rainbow..
Alternatively I could actually go out and actively chat to women.. but only as a last resort..
The green salad I have for lunch is OK, it's green and it's a salad so it fills the criteria asked of this particular meal. Unfortunately it also tastes boring, and whereas the lamb chops made it feel like there was a party in my mouth, the green salad made it feel like a wake...
I thank the lord (snowdon) that this hell ends on thursday. It's not that I'm not gonna eat salads again, I'm just gonna add a little more flavour to them.. The only flavouring I am getting at the moment is that of my own saliva.. All I want is a little something with it, some tuna mayo, or a little dressing.. anything to take the taste of chlorophyll out of my mouth..
The afternoon progresses slowly, the work I am doing takes a little longer than anticipated and the meeting I was meant to have at lunchtime ends up being at late afternoon.. oh the woes of the media rat race. I have a mid afternoon poo, the sort that fools you into thinking it'll be a nice normal one by coming out firm at first, before you realise it's a sham, and your own arse has tricked you.. hiding the hottest, most fluidy bit of faeceal lava for last. It's not pretty, and I begin to think these kind of turds would be best utilised in the wintertime, when the weather is a bit nippier.
Tea consists of 3 eggs on dry toast. What can I say, it tastes like it sounds. Nice, but it lacks a certain something.. some would say butter.. some would say taste.. I guess they are both the same.
I spend the rest of the night with cheese, that is to say my friend cheese, not the dairy product. To spend my evening with a block of cheddar would not only be ridiculously sad, but also dangerous in my present hungry condition. We stay up until the early hours working on the website for the band he plays in.. www.terrazone.co.uk before he drops me off in his car. I go straight to bed, where I dream that I am standing in the kitchen having a piss into the fridge..
at least.. I think it's a dream..