Wed, June 27/01 1:33pm
Holyfuckholyfuckholyfuck! I leave tonight/tomorrow morning at 4:30 am! I'm starting to go crazy, this is so weird! So weird and magnificent, oh mannnn. I actually managed to pack all my clothes in one backpack (except for like 2 pairs of socks), and my coat will easily carry the rest of the load... camera, keys, beautification accessories, pez, book, etc. Deep pockets, yo... deep pockets.
I just keep going through the first meeting in my head. It's been so long. I'm so afraid we'll somehow have nothing to talk about, or that we'll both be really shy or something. But I don't think I could let that happen. I've gotta harvest every moment away, it's all going to zoom by.
So yeah, I'm obviously not sleeping a wink tonight. What's left to do today? I have to go get a haircut, then go over to Zehrs to pick up some razors and a camera. What else? Oh, I need to get Murray to drop off my paycheck and go deposit that. That's an important one. But I'll call him after I get back from everything else, so that my dad's gone to work by that time and won't talk to him when he comes by. And then there's the cast party at Catherine's place at 4:30 til whenever, and maybe I should go pick up my police check today. Fuck, if only I could have gotten a hold of Catherine today and used her car! Well, I can't complain, she's letting me take it to Toronto to the airport.
What a DAY!
Tues, June 26/01 12:28am
Fuck, things worked out! No shitting, they did! Which explains my online-icity. But I think I may change that, wrestling seems like it could be entertaining tonight, even though Austin is still the champ. Bastard. Doesn't the management realize that Jericho is way more entertaining? Maybe the Undertaker and Kane'll win the tag belts tonight. Haha, fucking Big Show, he can be funny when they let him be.
And now, as a post scriptum.... that chick from Scary Movie is hot. And I should beat off soon.
Mon, June 25/01 5:59pm
Wow, it's been quite a while since I've had to do the talking-a-girl-out-of-suicide thing. It's good to know I still got the touch though. It was a lot weirder this time, because, well, it was Catherine, and she's like 32. I thought maybe the fairer sex grew out of that kind of thing. Ah, most probably do... it was probably just a momentary build up of piles of crap kind of thing.
But this should make a fun night for bingo, regardless. Great. I've never been so anxious to get a night of bingo over with, what with Catherine and the Murray plates situation. Wow, if I don't laugh I'm going to cry! I hope the candy's good.
One thing's for certain, I'm sure as hell going to fucking DESERVE the RAW following bingo *tonight*. Mmhmn. And aint nobody gon' interrupt that for me tonight, no sir. I don't think I'll even be on the computer, my eyes'll be glued to a different screen to-night.
Sun, June 24/01 3:11pm
Of course. Of fucking COURSE. Can't have a truly good weekend, can I? No, never. Not me, not ever. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.
Sun, June 24/01 12:31pm
All of a sudden I feel kind of sick. Shit. I'll have to write later.
Sun, June 24/01 2:24am
Fuck! Note to self... start taking advantage of drunk sluts!! When am I ever going to learn?
Went to see Scratching Post tonight. Hell, it was $5, and Justin was opening up for them so I figured, why not? Nothing else to do. And you know, it was actually a pretty kick ass show! They're a lot heavier then I'd have guessed, and it doesn't hurt that the singer Nicole dresses like a hussy. Too damn skinny for my tastes, but looking alright just the same. There were three opening bands, and I just figured I'd be sitting around for most of the night, maybe go up when Scratching Post came on, but the first band called me out personally. They were a struggling metal band trying to get the first pit of the night going, and in between songs they saw me sitting at a table and the singer starts going, "Hey, we need some fucking people up here! Come on now! Hey, back there... the guy with the horns... I fucking KNOW you can start some shit, am I wrong?!" So, with there not being anyone else in the room with horns on, I went up and cleared some fucking ROOM. Didn't think I had it in me, especially after a late night at the Kingdom last night. Sweet fucking deal, now 12 Monkeys is on!! But anyway, yeah... I quickly became this hit of the place, with my horns, gonzo mosh style, and dashing good looks, of course. Doug was more than impressed with my showing of violence, during Scratching Post especially. It couldn't be helped... sometimes there's only so many elbows in the side you can take before you gotta bowl over a gaggle of motherfuckers and get them off your back for a while. Geez, I was the fucking bouncers' best friend tonight, I did most of their job for them! Overall it was a prime night, yo. Prime.
But like I said... drunk girls. Geez! They seem to find me through it all somehow. Why me? Every time I go somewhere with alcohol. I really gotta start laying the wood to them, morals be damned. But... that can't really start for a while... I gotta make a good impression with Kirsten and I leave in... 4 days?! That can't be right! But officially today is Sunday the 14th and I leave on the 28th so... damn! Feel the excitement brew, yo! Wow. So as if I wasn't battered and bruised enough, I'll be at Warped in Seattle on the 5th! Yeah! Things are going my way at last! Dig IT.
Now if only I can get the license plates back from my dad without him telling Murray about the whole thing... which is potentially life ruining. I'll talk more on that after it's all over, it gets me too frustrated now.
Fri, June 22/01 4:14pm
ARRGH. Doesn't he realize this is supposed to be my fucking HAPPY day?! All I'm getting is a streamline of useless bullshit from him that's ruining everything. All typical stuff, but it's really getting under my skin today. Like he found out today about my BC trip, and he's like (among other things) "Hey, you should get one of those disposable cameras," as if the thought never crossed my mind and I was just going to draw quick sketches of fucking everything. So I say yeah, I plan to, and he goes right off. What a fucking LAME hunk of shit! So I've been in and out of here finding excuses to bugger off all day. Insurance and the theatre have kept me busy with that until now, but I'm waiting to hear back from all these scummy agents now and the theatre van's almost out of gas, and God forbid I drive my OWN fucking car anywhere before he's gotten to look at it. Well here's a newsflash dad, you aint getting anywhere near my car, you're not riding in it (not after the beer store fiasco), and you're not getting under the hood. Now fuck off and die and we'll all be happy.
Fri, June 22/01 1:11pm
AHHH!!
Man, shit's getting SURREAL! Less than a week to go til I'm in balmy BC, fuck that's insane! Kirsten called me today from there, not 5 minutes ago. Fuck! So much to do, so much to get ready. I wish I could get a video camera and make the whole experience into some kind of a documentary, I think that'd be pretty fucking cool. I'd pick out a hell of a soundtrack too. I can just see the opening scenes at the airport going down to the AFI version of Last Caress. Or maybe that would be the end scene/song. Dammit, somebody snag me a video camera! I guess maybe today I should go out and buy a camera. I was going to get some clippers, but ehn. Guess I should have thought of that last night before I picked a used copy of Rainbow Six. Would have made my cash stretch a bit farther. According to my budget though, I'm doing pretty damn good with the monetary supplies.
But yeah, my excitement factor is starting to go through the roof! 9 days. Fucking 9 days. How long have I been looking forward to this and it's going to go by so fast! I need and deserve this, this is going to be fucking great. As long as Kirsten talks slow for me, anyhow.
Wed, June 20/01 4:27pm
If anyone knows a mounting of the Rocky Horror Picture Show that needs a Frank N Furter, I think I'd be perfect.
Sun, June 17/01 4:08pm
A fucking summer cold, geez. One of the few things that could slow me down right now and it happens. Oh well. I went over to Zehrs and got me some medicine, including Buckleys and some no name analgesic products. I love that word, analgesic.
I went out to see Doug at the Home Depot Harveys, picked up a free lunch and met the girl he thought I'd mesh with. Ehn... not so much Doug. She's kind of really loud, and I don't know, just doesn't rub my grain totally the right way. But who knows, apparently she's in for the road hockey Doug's organizing this summer. Actually there was another girl there I thought I'd get along better with, who was taken, of course. But whatever.
I bought my plane ticket just this afternoon. Toronto to Vancouver, baby, from the 28th to the 7th of July, mmhmn! Damn that's going to be some big fun. I'm going to take in a second warped show while I'm there, not sure if it'll be Calgary or Seattle though. Seattle costs more, but I think it's closer, so I don't know.
Fri, June 15/01 4:22pm
Yeah! I've got SOUND back, baby! It's been so long, so so long! I've been screaming for the past 10 minutes, this is fucking awesome! I took my car out to the mall to find a fathers day card, and then went out to the computer store and picked up a cheap-o sound card, and I'm set for the day! Before I left I called about insurance for my car (I'm considering calling it 'Pain', I've always liked that as a name), and this really nice british dude is helping me out on that, calling companies to find who can insure me for really cheap. And later tonight I've got another job, working at the Sanderson Centre theatre for 5 hours worth of cash. It's not going to be that fun though, I'm going to be on spotlight. That's going to be some fucking KILLER heat going down, ugh. But it's cash. And cash means more stuff to keep me happy, like the new weezer cd which I was eyeing today. I'll pick that up soon, I can't get 'Island in the Sun' out of my head.
Fri, June 15/01 2:15pm
Ah yes. Done work early, only went in for 2 hours or so.
But last night is what I'm here about. Last night was the high school show, And Then There Was One which I had a hand in directing. Well, which I had a hand in just about everything over. The show itself was better than even their best rehearsal, which meant it was great. The kids really pulled it together and I was proud of them. But when it was all over, we all retired to a staff room in the school and ate what was leftover of the food (the show was dessert theatre), out came the thank you cards. Most everyone got one, and I got one too, of course, I was expecting that much. But what I wasn't expecting was something else. After everyone got their cards, one of the kids, Carly, pulled out this binder that they'd all been working on for me, with all their favourite and not so favourite memories about me from the year. I was dumbfounded, it was really incredible, and I think now it's going to be one of my most cherished posessions. They got the idea for it about a week ago, and most of them (the ones that still liked me at the end) wrote me all kinds of great things. Here are my more favourite ones:
"You thought that Lisa was faking her accent"
"The second time Kitty met you, you were getting naked."
"You told Lisa that they don't sell bigger screws in Canada."
"After the first time Paul came to the church to see a Shrew practice and you poked me for at least a week after just to bug me."
""Why do I get all tingly when I kiss a boy?""
"That POOR POOR kid with the fog machine"
"No one has better stories than a guy who wears horns."
Fri, June 15/01 2:01am
What a fucking night. What a great fucking night.
People will surprise you sometimes, and thank God for that. I'm so happy to be alive, and I'm one lucky son of a bitch.
Wed, June 13/01 9:40pm
Kazaam! So Matt got hired, most likely because of the recommendation I made at the last. I think it's a good thing though, and Murray and Catherine were really impressed by the preparations he made going into the interview anyhow, but I don't think my extra boost of support really hurt. That's just a lesson for you cats and kittens... forces you have no idea about are at work all the time, so be nice to scruffy looking guys with good senses of humour. Matt did, and he's got a job for the summer.
And speaking of having things for the summer...
Tues, June 12/01 9:45pm
Geez, tough choice coming up. We did interviews tonight for the other summer camp position. It really came down to Matt and good old Plan B. I wasn't sure it would, but that's the deal. And I'm fairly torn too, it's going to be a hard choice... but... I think I have to go with Matt. And possibly just because I've been telling him that he's a shoe-in for the job. The adverse selfish point, however, is basically that I got a woody when B walked in the door. But really in the end, B already has a part time job, and could get another job, whereas Matt really needs this job, I think. And it also kind of touched me that he used my name as a reference. And if B gets the job, and Murrays daughter gets the job... I mean, how many girls can I hit on in the same place without too much overlap? Isn't there some kind of protocol on that?
But otherwise... shit... things are going right? Hold on a minute here, let's review. I got the time off I wanted to go to BC. Sure it'll probably be unpaid, but what the fuck do I care as long as I get to go for more than half a week? And yesterday I saw that my car had returned mysteriously! Bastard was probably just out driving it, which is also a good sign meaning that the thing works! Murray thought it was missing too, because of his drive out to work yesterday afternoon... but I saw it yesterday evening, mmhmn. Now as a blowback from my confrontation about Mary and my going to school in the fall, my dad doesn't want much, if any, rent out of me anymore, which is VERY helpful. Once I finish my OSAP application those government bastards shouldn't want any cash out of me either. And the girls! I've just realized there's going to be an opening up of chicks coming my way. (Of course, I just had a weird dream about Boots... we were both in school and this girl was doing my hair in the bathroom when she spotted me while walking by. She came in and was shocked that I was there because she thought I was 'out on a job' for a couple of weeks, whatever that means. So with that behind us, we had some of what the local personals ads call 'safe, discreet fun', which really wasn't that discreet but was a lot of fun. Come to think of it, that's probably why I woke up in a good mood! Sex dream involving giant knockers? Score!) There's this girl Doug and James are giving me the thumbs up over, and there'll be a couple we hire on at camp that are bound to be scorching babes. Yeah, there's Murray's daughter who makes my pants get up and dance. A girl who, last night, Murray said this to me about: "John, you can't have sex with my daughter. Well, not if she doesn't want to. Hmn... well I don't want to know about it if you do. Well, just don't tell me about it. Yeah, just... don't do it in front of me." I didn't know what to say then, of course, but now... score! This year it's the hot daughter too. I've come to some information that two years ago when his older daughter as working at the theatre along with a guy I know that that very thing happened, so... come on Allie, continue the family legacy! Help a horny guy out, won't you please? But wait, there's more! I got my tax back today... $100 more than I was expecting! $900, score! You shall be mine, small Pacer, you shall be mine.
Mon, June 11/01 2:10pm
So my dad wanders into my room and demands, 'Hey, you got any loonies n' quarters?' So I point him to my change dish (THIS is why I lock my door dad, I don't need you stealing from me when I don't know about it). But as he's wandering away, counting his booty, what do I notice hanging from his lip? A fucking cigarette. I point to my lip and go, 'what's this?' 'Yeah, I'm smoking again, I fucking have to with all this going on...'
Ugh. So that whole 2-3 months of wicked nicotine-craving induced insanity, yelling and retardedness was for absolutely nothing. Way to go dad! But I thought you said you didn't even want them anymore? Yeah right. Thanks for another batch of lies, old man.
The question of the day is: is Mary gone? I earlier heard a goodbye that seemed more like more than a simple, 'I'll see you when you come back from the bar' kind of goodbye, so who knows. However, last night she did have to come in through the basement... she couldn't get in the front door. Was it locked? Is she without a key? Only time will tell. Fuck, I could come back from rehearsal tonight and find her in her staring chair with a nice cold beer in a straw going. Lets hope not though, shall we?
Mon, June 11/01 2:11am
People don't realize how nice I'm being when I'm mean. Like seriously, I could be way worse. People just don't understand how much viciousness I hold back. Basically, if you're not reduced to tears, then I'm holding back a very large amount of evil, just for you. So praise me or shut up.
This is funny... I'm watching this show, 'Don't Forget Your Toothbrush' where they make people do dumb things for money. They've got these hardcore vegetarians lined up with cheeseburgers in front of them, and all of them said they'd eat a burger for just $300. Some of these chicks haven't had meat in 10 years. But hey, way to stick to those "Murder is wrong" standards, babes! (Yes, they're all women). They even brought a cow onstage to fire up their consciences, but none of the ladies seemed to mind it as they bit into their burgers with aplomb. Not bad, eh?
Sun, June 10/01 2:15pm
Fuck, how could I have forgotten this?! I learned of some interesting and hilarious retrospective news last night. It seems that Harveysgirl was on the receiving end of so much rough anal sex that she had to go to the hospital.
You'll have to excuse my bad taste, but DAMN I laughed SO FUCKING HARD when I heard that.
Sun, June 11/01 12:20am
Damn. I think my car is gone. I went out tonight with Doug and James. It was kind of weird in a typical way. Doug and James are totally hung up on fishing, and so part of the night had to do with hunting down wet lawns that had nightcrawlers. I just sat on the curb and watched them. We got to near where my Pacer was sitting and I got all excited and went to show them, but it was gone. I was sad. I am sad.
However, the Burbs is on. For those of you who do not know, the Burbs is the finest Tom Hanks movie of the bunch. And how can you go wrong with Corey Haim? I think that's the Corey anyhow. I've got some popcorn going too, and I think as soon as I'm done it I'll fall asleep. Mmmhmn!
One other strange note, Doug and James keep telling me they know this girl they think I'd fit perfectly with. I've heard *that* before, but I don't know. I'm not normally one to pass up an opportunity, because hey... once it's gone it's gone. So I guess we'll see, eventually. She works with them both, so I guess I'll get a phone call when Doug's working with her for me to come on out. And that'll be easy, because I'll have the van back, and during the day I'm basically my own boss so I can go whenever I please/need to.
Fri, June 8/01 11:26pm
Bored bored bored. And I just don't know what to do. I've spent most of my online time this week downloading unreal tournament shit. Skins n' maps, skins n' maps. Not too many people have been online when I have, it's kind of a bummer I haven't gotten to icq the people I've wanted to.
I went over my demands with my dad. I told him I'd only pay him if Mary's key to the door made it's way into my hands. He uses the excuse that 'things keep coming up with her' and yeah, they do but that's not going to stop. The bitch is going to use every excuse she can to hold onto this free lunch while she can, which I guess you can't blame her for. It's her game. Thing is, it's my game to get her the fuck out, and there can be only one winner. Latest word is that she's out on Monday. I guess we'll see, eh?
What else... yeah, that car is paramount on my mind. Payday is officially Wednesday, so if it's still there then(or earlier if my tax return shows up) that fucking car is MINE. I stumbled over Frank today and asked him if he'd go and check it out with me, he knows a fair bit about automotive stuff. I mentioned the car to Murray today, in an effort to get him to pay me for the 3 weeks I've already worked, but of course he just found fault in my plans. Hey, here's a newsflash... I *know* this is a bad idea already, so save it. I just want a fucking car, okay? Something to take me to Warped, something to take me to North Bay, something to take me to work. That's it.
Thurs, June 7/01 8:11pm
Today, so far, has been a little better than most. I'd tried to add something to this page yesterday but browsers have not been my friend lately.
(continued after another restart)
Oh, me so horny, oh oh oh me so horny.
So for the 4th time, here I am trying to keep my browser from crashing long enough to make ONE FUCKING JOURNAL ENTRY.
Ahem. Now I'm really torn as to what I should do... lately I've been considering buying a new computer with my tax refund, but today I found a *dream* car that my refund would also cover. I don't care what you think, Pacers are fucking COOL. And this one, oh man it's awesome. It's in great shape, only being sold because it's owned by some old dude who already has two other cars and doesn't want to frig around with this one anymore. A fucking Pacer!! I only wish it was in blue like the Mirth-mobile from Waynes World, then I could find an artist and get some cheesy flames painted on it. So it's that, providing it's still available when payday comes around and I can make a down payment, or a new and hopefully more stable computer.
So what else? Well, on my way out the door to work today I noticed a package in my mailbox! Yes, my new shirt arrived today! The only thing is that it's kind of big, but I'm sure it'll shrink. I think I look alright in red, this should be a nice addition to my going-downhill-and-vanishing wardrobe.
Tues, June 5/01 11:09pm
"And I heard them say 'I want out, no complaints, and no doubt'"
Wow, my stereo's up pretty fucking loud. Cool.
Tues, June 5/01 9:51pm
This is bullshit. I don't fucking work all day so I can come home and listen to a stupid drunk bitch hack and cough as she cries, sobs and wails on the phone to people. It's bullshit bullshit bullshit! It makes me wish I had a reason to stay online longer just to tie up the phone line. Maybe I can go write some long emails... but I write my longer emails in notepad anyhow. Ugh. Yesterday the bitch broke the front door just as I was pulling up after rehearsal. She got it jammed shut, so I had to go around to the side and thank God that door was open. I guess it's fixed now... I can just bet who the old whore blamed it on when she got back afet 2 in the morning from a hard night of drinking everything away...
I went out to bbq on the back porch tonight and found that someone had left the gas tank open. So all the gas? Yeah, it's gone. Fucking great, watch me get blamed for this one too. And I think my ears are sunburned from painting for half the afternoon. What a fucking day.
Mon, June 4/01 11:37pm
I just remembered I posted a picture on hotornot.com of Rachael Leigh Cook. Not even that good of a one, one that looks glamorous or touched up... and out of 5018 people it got a 9.8 out of 10 average. Maybe people aren't as screwed up as I thought.
Sun, June 3/01 9:29pm
What a waste of a day. My back hurts. There was a terrible rehearsal at the theatre. I'm sipping one of last nights lemonades to cut the edge off a bit. More I'd like to write, but I'm feeling way too lazy right now. And if I don't make this mix tape to play in the van I'll be stuck with another day of Beatles, Beatles, Dance Hall Crashers and Save Ferris. Not that there's anything wrong with any of them, but I've had about enough of them for now. What should go on my mix that both Ryan and I can enjoy? Hmn. Ahh fuck him, I'll put on what I like. I aint in the mood to consider other people who aren't 1) attracive 2) female 3) my age 4) sitting on my lap right now... and looky here, that amounts to NO ONE.
Sun, June 3/01 1:17am
Life is unfair. I've come to accept that. It has to do with the high concentration of assholes in any given place fucking things up for you. But what bothers me at times like this (read: when I'm really fucking drunk) is just HOW unfair it can be. I'm not even sure I want to go into it, but I'll try. I mean, it feels hopeless when you try to just get your thoughts straight to yourself and people who no longer know anything about you start trying to judge you and call you names. Maybe I should just go to sleep. God knows that I could just let my head tilt back and I'd be out like that. And tomorrow is such a promising day. I have to walk back to Dougs to go and get the van, there was no way I was driving home like this. And then from there I go to rehearsal at the theatre, on my own turf, and get to... well, pretty much get to be myself. Chicken-Man was MUCH needed. As needed as my other alter-ego, Hank, is sometimes. Chicken-Man is complete ID, Hank is completely business. Normally I reside somewhere between the two, in a kind of personality limbo. Some would say I have a fair bit of personality as it is... those people have not met the extremes I go to when Hank or Chicken-Man take over. Hank with his shirt and tie and 'do things my way or perish' attitude, or Chicken-Man and his, 'do you think Chicken-Man fucking CARES?' (Chicken-Man always speaks in the third person) attitude... I get lost in the middle a lot.
Maybe I should just reflect on the greatness of the night. Of the singing and fellowship and alcohol. Especially the singing. That always changes my mood for the better, I just wish I was a little better at it that I might make a living doing it. Geez, what did I sing tonight... some weezer (This Island Life or something, Say It Aint So, the Sweater Song), a fucking KICK-ASS AFI song by the name of Morningstar which was done gorgeously, shit, what else? Well, obviously Kiss Off, by the Violent Femmes, which is always a famous song for me to do in my own special way. It's like a standard, if I don't volunteer to do it they MAKE me. So then after it got to be late and Dougs neighbours would complain, we sat down to some rousing NHL 2001. A good night in, a good night in. If I'd found me some poon-tang it would have been spectacular. I miss the all day and night parties at Joels place, where I'd be carousing late into the morning, perhaps end up on Joels front porch, listening to some strange, good looking girls problems and sympathizing and trying to help the best I could, then seeing her be swept up by someone else who didn't have a problem with advancing on drunk chicks. Now THAT was the life.
Fucking hell.
Sat, June 2/01 2:52pm
I completely forgot what I was going to write about. Lets try to trace some steps here. Dirtmonster... fat... cheeseburger... oh yeah, my dream! Mm, had a dream last night/this morning/this afternoon. Hoover was working at the theatre with me, and we'd gone for lunch. Of course, it was dark out for some reason. Night lunch, whatever. We decided to take the theatre van out to Wendys for some drive-thru, which is strange because Hoover is a despiser of the drive-thru. He just won't do it. But we were sitting there, and we paid like 4 bucks for some jr. burgers at the first window, drove to the second window and kept getting more stuff, because we just sat there and didn't leave. We got everyone elses orders too, until we got some kind of fish product that neither of us wanted, and I brought into the store to bring it back. That's when they got us, we were too greedy. Workgirl was there mopping the floor and started screaming at us about how we had to get out of the drive thru and now she had to clean the restaurant out because it had to be part of the drive thru now. It didn't make much sense to me either. So we took off running, but Hoover left with this Kirk guy that we used to know in a big farm truck. I was left not knowing where the hell the van was and not sure if I had keys for it when I woke up. Fucking wacky... and now I've got me a severe Big Bacon Classic craving. But I'll just end up with microwave pizzas, I'm fairly sure.
Fri, June 1/01 10:45pm
Well, I was kind of right. I did come across the visitors I'd planned on, namely Catherine, Evil-lyn and yes... the fantastic return of Chicken-Man!! Chicken-Man hadn't been spotted since March, and he showed up today at the theatre in all his feathered glory.
Now, I hate to admit this, but I guess I have to. Chicken-Man... well, he wouldn't exist without me. In a way he is not me and I am not him, but in another less... philosophical way and more of a physical way, well yes... you could say I am Chicken-Man. But really, he's a beast. He's a butt-fucking hilarious comic genuis. He sure as hell had Catherine and Evil-lyn in stitches today, thatsa for sure. So as part of the special events for the day, I went and bought some flowers and pez dispensers before going to work, and then picked up Ryan. I had him in suspense the whole day about what was going to go down at the end of the day. I think the build up was a let down for him, because he didn't get to sit around and talk to Chicken-Man at the end of the day like the ladies did. The end of the day rolled around and Chicken-Man gave Evil-lyn her flowers and pez, but didn't want to leave Catherine out, so he got her a lesser flower and pez too. He's a hell of a guy, that Chicken-Man. Catherine suggested he show up at rehearsal on Sunday, but I'm not convinced. It's special when Chicken-Man shows up, I don't want to cheapen that. And it was mostly for Evil-lyn, so she'd feel better... and you know, I think it did help out a fair bit. Yay me. It helped me to help too. Mmm.
But... and isn't there just always a fucking 'but'?! Geez. I came home to my dad and then later... to fucking Mary again. Right now she's fumbling around in the bathroom, knocking shit over and going, "ssssssshhhhhhhhhit, sssssssssshhhhhhhit." It sounds like she's missing teeth every time she says 'shit', the fucking hag. She's developed a nasty case of what I call "whore's cough" and has been dry hacking all over the fucking house. I'm pretty sure she's back to living here, my dad's a fucking WEAK piece of shit asshole. He had it made, the bitch was fucking gone... what a stupid dick. And before I came home there was Murray, who seems to be a real fuck of a roadblock lately. He's really starting to piss me off. I barely even want to talk about him. In fact... I don't at all. Bastard.
Fri, June 1/01 11:17am
I have a good feeling about today. Today will be a day of many visitors, I believe, and if all goes as planned, it will be a good day indeed. Mwa ha ha. Ha.
Fri, June 1/01 12:37am
I was saying something earlier in the month about how through hard times when you find out who your friends are and I was indicating Catherine over Murray. Well, she's done it again. She managed to wrassle Murray (with a little help from me) into doing things in a way that'll keep me paid til high school lets out using government money, and then using camp money once camp is in. Bless that womans heart. I do take her for granted some days. Shame on me.
So Evil-lyn and Catherine are coming out to the church during the day tomorrow. Earlier I was really gung ho about trying to cheer the poor girl up with flowers or something of the sort, which I don't think she'd expect from me and would therefore be appreciated a fair bit. But I don't know. Evil-lyn really opened up to me tonight, and I get the feeling she doesn't do that very often or for many people at all. Basically no one, really. She seems to be going through what I went through at her age... not associating with anyone, not opening up for fear of getting hurt was a big thing with her, just general disinterest in a lot of things, and having to grow up too fast. I wonder too if she doesn't have a touch of a crush on me, which... I don't know, could be expected, I guess. I mean... her and I share a distinct set of personality traits. I wonder if she might have the same weird fears that I do too, even. So I don't know about getting her something now... I just don't want it to be misread. I know it's easy for a gesture to be interpreted as something else by the young 'uns, and that... that wouldn't be good.
I just... ugh, hear me sigh now... I wish I could help her out. I'd just like to make sure she didn't suffer the same kind of fate as me when she gets older... all the heart-wrenching loneliness and such. It's a nasty thing, loneliness. And it's harder when... how do I explain this... when you're a certain type of person (like me, I guess) there's only a certain kind of person you feel truly comfortable with, and it's a very small segment of the population. Yeah yeah I know, a lot of people will tell you there's only a select bunch or type of people they like, but it's different, it really is.
So I have to have something for her. I told Catherine earlier tonight that I'd have something for the girl when they came out tomorrow. Hmn, maybe I'll use Ryan and put my art skillz to work and make a big bouquet of some wicked spraypainted cardboard flowers. Either way I should get up extra early tomorrow to figure out what I'm going to do. I have... shit, only $9, I don't think that's enough cash somehow. I'm starting to get sone gnarly blueprint images in my head for some awesome pointy flowers and a wicked 3d vase though... hmn. Well, I guess I'll see what I come up with. There's all kinds of fucky spraypaint colours at the church.