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| Scripts |
| Some White Painted Gates Study the Fates, It's the Script to Episode III and Seven Eighths by Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper Luke, forgotten by his strange uncle and the hermit, Obi-wan Kenobi, wanders the Dune Sea alone. The heat pounds at his eyebrows and the sand gets in his hair somehow. The constant torture of the suns' rays makes him remarkably resemble a Tusken Raider. A traveling band of Sand People spots him... Band leader Hey! Johnny! A kid! Look, over there! Luke Um... It appears that I have gotten lost in the Dune Sea. Band leader No kidding! No kidding! Sonny, I'd like you to meat the band. I'm Franky, this is Johnny, and over there is Sand Pick. Sand Pick Saaaaaand Pick Franky Sand Pick likes to remind people that his name is Sand Pick. Sand Pick Saaaaaand Pick Luke So wait, you guys are a band? Johnny Yeah, a real live band. Holy poodoo, Franky! We're a band! I'm in a band! I'm famous! Luke Huh? Franky Johnny has short-term memory problems. Luke Do all three of you have some sort of mental problem? Sand Pick Saaaaaand Pick. Franky Nope. Aye, just Johnny. Luke You sure? Sand Pick Saaaaaaaand Pick. Franky Yeah! I'd think we'd notice if we had mental problems, sonny! Sand Pick Saaaaaaaaaand Pick. Luke Ooookay... Johnny Hey, who's this? Sand Pick Saaaaaaaand Pick. Johnny His name is Sand Pick? Aye! He's got the same bloody name as you, Sand Pick! Franky No Johnny, his name is... is... Luke Luke. Sand Pick Saaaaaaaaand Pick. Luke Luuuuuuuuke Franky His name is Luke, Johnny. Johnny Aye! Luke Johnny? His blood last name is the same as mine! Franky No Johnny. His name is Luke. Johnny Bloody Poodoo! Who's Johnny?! Luke Can I leave? Sand Pick Saaaaaand Pick. Luke Ah! Sand Pick keeps touching my leg! Johnny Aye! Franky Sonny, would you like to join the band? Luke No! Get Sand Pick away from me! Johnny Sand Pick, get away from 'im. He doesn't like that. He's not like us, you know. Wait! Who are we!? Franky A band. Johnny Aye! Sand Pick backs away from Luke. Franky So 'ow about it? You wanna join? Luke Um... well, my Uncle really doesn't like it when I go off and join bands of Tusken Raiders. He'll hit the roof if he finds out. Franky Hey, why'd you call us Tusken Raiders when you're a Tusken Raider as well. Luke Don't insult me! I'm not a Sand People! Johnny Aye! I say we kill 'im! Wha'dya say, Sand Pick? Sand Pick Saaaaaaaaand Pick Johnny Aye! Franky You're disturbing us, I suggest you leave, sonny. Luke Okay... hey look! It's Ben! Obi-wan Luke! Get out of there! They're dangerous! Luke Don't worry, they're my friends! Franky Yeah, 'is friends! Johnny Aye! Sand Pick Saaaaaaand Pick. Obi-wan rushes towards the group and ignites his lightsaber Luke Wait! Don't kill them! It's Franky and Johnny and Sand Pick. The famous band. Obi-wan I know who they are. They're con-artists, Luke. They aren't even real Sand People. Just Look. There's a tail hanging out of Sand Pick's tunic. Sand Pick Aw kriff! How'd he see that?! C'mon, let's get out of here! Obi-wan Not so fast! The three con-artists begin to run but Obi-wan manages to cut off Sand Pick's tail, causing him to fall to the ground Sand Pick My kriffing rear end! You'll pay! You haven't seen the last of us! You wait, you just wait! We shall return! Sand Pick joins the other two and runs off into the desert with blood oozing from his rear end. Luke Whoa, how'd you know they were fakers? Obi-wan I've met them before. And I assume I'll meet them again. I knew it was them because they always rearrange the letters in their real names to form aliases. Luke What are their real names? Obi-wan Rafkny, Nhonyj, and Cand Spik. Luke Oh. Well I'll have to remember that. Obi-wan Yes... hey, Luke. Luke What? Obi-wan Do you think I should grow a beard? Luke Well, technically, the scripts previous to this one don't make any sense because you're supposed to have a beard in Episode 2. Ever seen any of those prequel updates in Star Wars Insider? You have a beard in those pictures. But maybe they're wrong. Besides, this is real and those are only scripted characters. Obi-wan We're scripted characters, too. Luke Oh yeah. Well... then is there a real Luke? Is there a real Obi-wan? Do I have a brain? An essence? A being? A soul? A bladder? Obi-wan I'm pretty sure you have a bladder because you just urinated on that poor homeless person. Homeless person begins to cry Luke Oh, sorry. I didn't see you. Plus, I didn't even notice I was peeing. Sorry. Homeless person Nobody notices me! Everybody pees on me! Leave me alone! Homeless person runs off into the distance, but is swiftly eaten by a krayt dragon Obi-wan Well, at least that dragon noticed him. Plus, he didn't pee on him. Luke Yeah... somehow that little indecent with the homeless person just saddens me. Obi-wan I know what you mean, Luke. I know what you mean. The End |
| Recording of Script 8 |
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| Voices: HRT: Franky MG: Johnny J-Rodd: Narrator Luke Homeless person Sand Pick Obi-wan Sound Effects |
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