 |
| Scripts |
| Luke is eleven, the Jedies are in heaven, It's the script to Episode III and Six Sevenths Obi-wan It's 'Jedi!' Sorry, Luke is eleven, the Jedi are in heaven, It's the script to Episode 3 and Six Sevenths When Luke Skywalker's father realized his own failure as a father, little Luke fell into an abyss, smashed his head, and lost all memory except how to say his name and how to eat pickles. Owen Lars had taken the confused boy into care and brought him to his moisture farm on Tatooine. Now they converse while taking a pleasant Landspeeder ride across the Dune Sea. Luke Can I drive? Please, please, please. Owen No. Luke Pretty please with bantha droppings on top? Owen Ewww! No! Luke Bantha droppings are a very natural thing. They shouldn't disgust you, Uncle Owen. You're always so pessimistic. You never take the time to smell the roses. Or smell the bantha droppings, for this matter. Owen Since when are you so intellectual? Luke I read a lot of book... chips. Owen Book chips? Luke Book.... chips. Owen Okay. Luke Chips... of books? Owen Stop. A figure appears in the distance. It waves at them. Luke What's that? Owen Looks like a man. Luke What if it's a Sand People? Owen You mean 'Sand Person.' Singular, not plural. Luke Right. Shouldn't we stop? We're getting awfully close to it. Owen Sand people don't deserve to live. They are scum, I tell you. Scum! One of them ate my sandwich yesterday. Now they all must feel my wrath! Luke For a sandwich? Owen Yes. That sandwich was just like a sandwich to me. *Thump* Luke We hit that waving creature. Can I check under the speeder to see what it is? Please, please, please. With... sandwiches on top. Owen No... well... if there are sandwiches on top.... Luke Yea! Luke jumps off the speeder bike and looks underneath. Luke It's a men! Owen You mean 'man.' Luke Yeah! A real live men! Wow! We hit a men, Uncle Owen! Owen Man! Luke I know, doesn't that stink? Man! Owen No, no, no. Not as an expression. 'Man' as in I am correcting your bad grammar usage. The man gets up from under the landspeeder. Obi-wan You hit me! I was waving at you to stop and you deliberately hit me! I can't believe it! Ow! That really hurt! Luke Sorry, men. We thought you were a Sand People. Owen Hey... I know you. You're Obi.... Ben Kenobi Obi-wan What? Ben? No, my name is Obi-wan. Luke HUUUUUH!!! YOU! Owen No, Luke, he's lying! He's lying! For the love of sandwiches, say your name is Ben! Obi-wan Fine, my name is Ben. Luke That rhymes with 'men.' That's ironic because you are a men. Obi-wan What? That sentence you just uttered made no sense technically or grammatically. How is that ironic, anyway? Luke 'Cause you are a men. Owen For the love of sandwiches, play along with the boy before you cause him to have a nervous break-down! Obi-wan You people are psychotic! I thought I could just hitch a ride from someone. I never thought I'd run into two crazy people. Leave me alone. I'm walking. Luke Ben men, come back. We'll take you to our homestead so you can meet someone. He says... he says he's looking for someone named Obi-wan. But I guess you aren't him. Obi-wan Looking for me? Luke HUUUUUUUUUH!! Obi-wan I mean Obi-wan! Owen For the love of sandwiches! Obi-wan Sorry. Okay, I'll go with you. But this better not mess up my life any further. Because I have had quite the messed up life. You really don't want to hear it. Obi-wan hops in the landspeeder and Owen drives him to the homestead. When they are there, the two exit the landspeeder. Obi-wan I think you forgot your son back in the desert. Owen I don't have a son. Obi-wan Err, then Luke. Owen Sandwiches! I left Luke in the desert! Well, we'll worry about that later. For now, you need to meet this guy. He's really an odd fellow. His name is... Admiral Seze. A man in an imperial uniform greets them. Seze hi! im adm seze Obi-wan Um... hello. I'm really not quite sure if I should be meeting with you... Seze lol! dont worry obi evrythings gonna b ok Obi-wan 'lol?' What does that mean? Seze laugh out loud Obi-wan Wait, that's the same number of syllables as 'lol.' Why don't you just say 'laugh out loud?' Seze cuz lol is easier to type Obi-wan Type? Your mind is seriously screwed up. Is there anyone in this galaxy besides me that is actually logical? Anyone? Seze i dunno neway we need 2 talk Obi-wan Maybe It'll be easier to talk if we are online or something. Okay? Seze k, in that case i gtg Obi-wan 'gtg?' Seze means got to go Obi-wan Well, bye then. Seze yup, ttyl Obi-wan Yeah... whatever that means. Owen It means 'talk to you later.' Seze wait u never told me ur sn Obi-wan Uh... it's kind of embarrassing Seze hurry tell me cuz i gtg Obi-wan Uh... InvinciblePonyTail4u... the '4' is a number. The 'u' is a letter. Seze LOL! sorry funny bye gtg Obi-wan Retard. Seze departs in his shuttle. Owen Ha! InvinciblePonyTail4u! HA HA HA!! Obi-wan Shut up! Just... shut up! Owen Is that true? Obi-wan Is what true? Owen Your ponytail? Obi-wan Yes! It's true! Don't you dare insult me about it! It's my best feature! Owen *Chuckle* Okay. Beru Where's Luke? Owen Since when were you here? Go away! Beru I've been here the whole time. I was even on the speeder. Didn't you all notice me? Obi-wan Okay, boys who say 'men,' sandwich obsessive uncles, invisible aunts, and Imperial Admirals who speak 'web-lingo' are just too much for me! I'm going to become a hermit, you hear? A hermit! I've had just about enough of this nonsense. I'm even going to steal one of your landspeeders! Ha! Ha! Ha ha! Obi-wan hops in a speeder and blasts away towards the Dune Sea. Beru What's his problem? I was only joking about being on the speeder. Owen Beru, this is what happens to people when they don't eat sandwiches. It's a sad, sad world out there. A sad, sad world. Let's just be grateful for sandwiches. Without them, where would we be? Beru We'd be... normal people. Owen Go eat socks! The End |
| Recording of Script 7 |
| DOWNLOAD |
| Voices: HRT: Obi-wan MG: Owen J-Rodd: Narrator Luke Beru Seze Sound Effects |
 |
|