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Words and music by Howie Newman and �2006 Howie Newman. Chin Music (BMI).
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The problems I�ve had with women could form an endless list and yet I really
Can�t see how those women could resist me so instead of cryin�, I�ve been tryin�
Those products on TV and if I persist some spray or mist will surely work for me
I used after shaves that drew the raves of all the magazines
I tried sexy cars and little cigars and pre-shrunk faded jeans
That new toothpaste was an utter waste of my hard earned pay
I tried those shaving creams but the girl of my dreams was still at bay
I tried fancy shirts and double-knit suits with weird designs
French colognes and Princess phones and fine imported wine
Diamonds, jewels and power tools, on TV they work all right
I used gums �n� mints and wheat germ rinse but I�m still alone at night
None of that stuff really works, they must think that we�re all jerks
Patience is a virtue but y�know I just can�t wait
There�s plenty of fish out in the sea but I�m running out of bait
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Getting Up Brings Me Down
I�ve done it five times a week for just about 25 years, that�s 6500 times
But I just can�t get used to getting out of bed before noon, that�s a personal hangup of mine
I get hit by those morning rays , I�m in a stupefied hypnotic daze
I�m as unhappy as I can possibly be. My idea of heaven is sleeping till 11
And then taking a nap at 3
�Cause getting up just brings me down. You better heed this warning:
Don�t go near me in the morning When I get in to work late, my boss shakes his head and frowns But I tell him, �Getting up brings me down�
It started off in nursery school, I�d always pray for snow
So I wouldn�t have to break my restful peace.
I�d curse at my mother while she wrestled off the covers and threatened to call the police
Now I�m almost 25, very glad to be alive but if I had my way
I wouldn�t walk out that door unless my job was 12 to 4, orking every other day
I don�t care what the people say. I like to spend my time snoozin� away
It�s my personal taste, it�s my life to waste any way that I want.
I�d do anything for a little more sleep like praise the Lord or counting sheep
I�d get down on my knees. �Cause when I leave that blissful rack
I never stop thinking �bout going back And catching a few more Zs
Cosmic Garbageman Rag
If you take a trip on a rocket ship some warm September day
All you�d see is garbage messing up our Milky Way. Now scientists are curious folks
But you�d think they had enough. They shoot this stuff out into space but no one cleans it up
Loose antennas, floatin� wires, burned out engines, lunar tires
I�m the one who picks it up in my cosmic garbage truck
Solar panels, busted sockets, wayward capsules, retro rockets
The man with the can, I�m your cosmic garbageman
Late next month I�m off to the moon, it�s really such a drag
Gotta put all that Apollo crap in a great big plastic bag. Fill that bag up to the top
Use a cable for a tie, toss it back down to earth, watch it burn up in the sky
Being a cosmic garbageman, I really can�t complain. It�s always nice and quiet
And there�s never any rain. The pay is good, the hours ain�t bad, got a pension plan to boot
I really don�t mind the meteorites but it�s too far to commute
We�re traveling places nowadays beyond man�s wildest dreams
But no matter where you go in life, someone�s gotta clean
A Little Sympathy
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