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BOOKING INFO
�2008 Howie Newman, Chin Music (BMI)
Why Did You Go, Johnny Damon?
Why did you go, Johnny Damon? Why did you take the cash and run?
Do you think in New York City you'll be having this much fun?
They cut your hair and shaved your beard. You smiled and just said, "Thanks."
And we don't love you anymore 'cuase now you're with the Yanks.
Perhaps they didn't tell you, perhaps you did not now. Left-center field's 450-plus
How you gonna make that throw? There's lots more gorund to cover
You're getting slower every year. And I bet by mid-July, you'll wish that you were here
Now, George he don't like losin' so you best be on your guard
'Cause if you don't hit .300, life will never be so hard. And if you don't make the playoffs
And win a couple rounds, the fans will cuss and swear at you and run you out of town
Why did you go, Johnny Damon? Why did you take the cash and run?
Do you think in New York City you'll be having this much fun?
You're out of sight and out of mind. Don't think that you'll be missed
We don't love you anymore 'cause we've go Coco Crisp
Weekend Warrior
Ice it down, stretch it out, wrap it up, gotta get ready. I�m a weekend warrior
One more game, one more day, one more swing and one more play for the weekend warrior
I don�t just play because I look so good in polyester. I do it �cause it makes me feel alive
After working all week long, I tend to get a little stressed
But when I step out on that field, I feel all right
My wife says quit, my kids ask why, the coach says sit but I can�t lie. I�m a weekend warrior
It could be my last, never know, one game down and one to go for the weekend warrior
At my age, I should be playing golf or sleeping late
But I like to sweat and get dirty. I like to step up to the plate
Aches and pains, muscle tears, limping up and down the stairs. I�m a weekend warrior
On Monday morn, I can�t run or throw but six more days, I�ll be ready to go
I�m a weekend warrior
Mendoza Line
I'm mired in this awful slump, I need some luck to clear the hump or I'll be ridin' buses any day
I need a hit so bad that I could cry. The worse I do, the harder I try
That 90 feet looks like a mile away
I'll take a bloop, a flare, a 16-hopper, a lucky bounce or a Baltimore chopper
Just get me 'cross that ol' Mendoza line. Of course, I'd prefer a frozen rope
But a swinging bunt would give me hope. I gotta cross that ol' Mendoza Line
Mendoza Line, Mendoza Line. Just get me 'cross that ol' Mendoza Line
Mendoza Line, Mendoza Line. I gotta cross that ol' Mendoza Line
Now, Mario Mendoza, for whom this line is named, was an actual big-leaguer for 686 games
He played short and second, a little third. Had quite a glove or so I've heard
Which was essential 'cause he barely hit his weight
Though known for his infield utility, he set the benchmark for futility, flirting with .200 all the time
In '79, he tied an all-time mark for the most games played in a big league park
With an average below the Mendoza Line
He made the playoffs only omce and here's his stats:
Three games played and one hit in five total at-bats
Do the math correctly and you will surely find he's right smack dab on that Mendoza Line
So if you're struggling on the field or any part of life, think of that brave soul from south of the border
He plugged and scrapped his whole life through, only to be linked to ineptitude
He's a true immortal of a different order
It's the End of the Curse and We Know It
Parody of It's the End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine) by R.E.M.
New lyrics by Howie Newman
That's great, it starts with a two-out walk, then a steal off New York's ace
Roberts stood at second base. Sox were down, three to none, everybody said they're done
Mueller up the middle, in came the tying run. Boston pen wouldn't bend, Yanks never scored again
No panic, Leskanic, Fenway's getting really manic
Papi took a big hack, the ball went way back into the night
In a New York minute, Sox are back in it, breathing down their necks
Fourteenth inning more winning, Yanks are spinning, Ortiz did it one more time
Next night, Yanks are tight, bloody sock, such a shock, Big Schill shutdown, Bellhorn downtown
All tied, what a ride, keep it going one more night
A-Rod tried slapping but the umps weren't napping and we're feeling pretty psyched
It's the end of the curse and we know it, it's the end of the curse and we know it
It's the end of the curse and we know it. And I feel fine
Everything on the line, Damon 3-for-29, wham bam, grand slam, Sox cruise, sea of boos
Brown's done after one, na na hey hey, Boston bats just wouldn't go away-hey
Varitek, Nixon, Wakefield, Timlin, Pokey Reese, Cabrera, Embree and Millar
Bronson Arroyo, Ramirez and Pedro never gave it up, got 'em where they are
Mighty good, might fine, it was the greatest comeback of all time
Midwest big dance, Cards had no chance, four straight in '04, Foulke came and shut the door
Derek Lowe three-and-oh, Manny took the trophy home, no more screamin' 1918
The bats were a-blazing, the pitching was amazing. What else can you say?
more lyrics