Cinda told me she was taking 3 weeks off from the Post Office...so what do you think popped in my head...oh wow we'll finally be able to spend time together!! Romantic nights walking around in my favorite parts of the East Village...her spending nights in my bed, holding me with those cute teeny hands... all kinds of other sugar plums breakdancing in my head...
Sunday finally comes...i wasn't sure how to dress. I wanted to be casual cuz i knew she would be but then i wanted to look really sexy for her...she loves when i'm dressed up. So i put on some black pants with this red top i have where the back is out...black sandals finished it off...i looked hot, if i may say so myself. I mean not that i wanted anything to happen that night cuz i didn't...i don't want her to think my asking her out is about sex...i really hope she doesn't think that....
We agreed to meet around the corner cuz she didn't want her family (who hangs out on the porch) to see her with me...that kinda stung a little cuz i hate hiding from people...i mean its not like they don't know about her cuz they do. But she claims she just doesn't wanna "bring it around them"...ok whatever. Its not like i was gonna slob her down right there on the street...damn.
Cinda gets in the car...i lean over to kiss her and she gives me her cheek (red flag)...her demeanor is just really aloof....i mean this what we both had been waiting for right? Being able to actually hang out with each other and here she is acting like its whatever....
"So what do you wanna do? See a movie, hang out in NY? go to a club?"
Cinda: "whatever. doesn't matter to me..I'm really indecisive"
"Ok...then we'll just go see a movie..anything you wanted to see lately?"
Cinda: "yeah there's actually one movie i wanted to see but no one will see it with me...Shrek"
"oh cool! I wanna see that too...let's go!"
The weird thing about being out with her is that she likes being "the guy"...she insists on opening doors for me, won't allow me to unlock her side of the car before i get in...she wants to hand the person both our movie tickets...orders for both of us. I just wanted to shake her and say "Hey ...check it. Most guys don't even do this shit, girl" But i let her get her thing on...if it makes her feel like a "man", more power to her...lol
In the movie, she had her arm around me a little...there were no furtive glances between us...no hand sqeezes or gestures of any kind...not that i went for that but damn it was a date and i wanted date stuff to happen...lol... it just didn't seem like she was really "there" you know? Its hard to explain but i felt really awkward the whole time...after we left the movie, we barely spoke in the car. I asked her if she wanted to come chill at my place for a while...so she says....
"What are you intentions with me once we're at your place?"
I'm sorry but that seemed like a "we never fucked before" kinda question and dammit we had..lol. So why am i being asked to explain my "intentions"? Not that i had any but damn if i did, don't act like we're new and shit!
so i said i had none..jus wanna chill and watch TV...
Cinda: Oh good cuz i hate rejection and i wouldn't want you to have to feel that way cuz i haven't had sex in a minute (since me..lol) and since i'm not gonna be getting it regularly i've decided to be celibate for a while until i have a wifey and i know it will be regular so i just don't want you to think anything is gonna happen and i don't wanna put myself in a tempting situation....
The evenings coldness has now been explained. She didn't wanna be there in first place. Needless to say i was kinda crushed...tho i really don't know why...i mean we've barely gotten to know each other so i don't know why i had such hopes for her...
She ended up not coming over cuz her peeps were on the porch and of course she couldn't be seen going up to MY porch...god forbid! We said terse good byes...pecked cheeks and she was gone. In that moment i decided that i would not be calling again.
I went into my house, dejected...rejected. sat on the couch for a while with the TV off...staring into space...numb...lonely....wondering why i even attempted all this with her...is it cuz it was just too convenient to pass up? I mean across the street!!! ya know?!?! was i forcing it just cuz of that? maybe so...i walked to my bed, pushed all the unfolded piles of laundry to the side, and curled up with my cute outfit still on...cuddled up to my pillow and slept...
Fuck the score.