From the Archives: 10-15-02
Volume 4, Issue 1
Inside This Issue: Welcome Back Horns! | A Little About the Gazette... Or Me... Or Whatever... | Pep Band News | Five Girls, a Guy, and a French Horn Section | It's Not About Horns, But It's Pretty Good | 'Innuendos in Music' Series | Wind Symphony and the Music We Play | Diary of a Narcoleptic | Filler Article
Welcome Back Horns!!
by Casey Lee PettittI can't believe another summer has passed us by and we sit again in the seats of the Horn Section of the Whitworth College Wind Symphony.
Wow.
Okay. Well, this year seems like it's going to be a good one. We're playing music, we'll do a couple concerts, and we'll all be really happy we were in the Whitworth College Wind Symphony.
So how do you like my picture? Pretty strange isn't it? Yeah, I thought so, too. And this article is pretty lame isn't it? Yeah, well... you aren't writing them are you?!?!?
On to the Gazette!
A Little About the Gazette... Or Me... Or Whatever...
by Casey Lee PettittI'll bet you're wondering why this site is purple and yellow. And if you're not wondering that, I'm going to tell you anyway. I guess it's just because my high school colors were purple and gold. Yeah...
Besides, red and black would be just a little to dark for a website.
So...
It all started one day in a computer class in high school. I was bored out of my mind! So I wrote about the horn section (See Volume 1, Issue 1 in the archives). Then, a while later, I decided to do another... and another... and so on... and so forth...
Last year... or maybe two years ago... I don't know... anyway... eventually I was sooooo bored that I decided to make a website for the horn gazette. It's cheaper (free!) and doesn't use up as much paper (none!).
I am a very boring person, and this issue is especially boring because I'm so bored right now. So sorry if it isn't funny. But that's life. And I don't see you writing any articles...
Well... this article sucks pretty bad... so... it's done...
Pep Band News
by Casey Lee PettittWait a minute... there is no pep band...
Hooray!!!
Five Girls, a Guy, and a French Horn Section
by Casey Lee PettittYou know what's so awesome about being the only guy in the horn section?
Being single and being the only guy in the horn section! Being dashingly handsome and being the only guy in the horn section!
Okay... well... I had to try...
But really... am I not good looking? And don't use the above picture to determine your answer.
Anyway... what's the deal with all the girl horn players. Not that there's anything wrong with female horns, but where'd all the guys go? Don't people realize that if you want to meet women that you should join the horn section? Honestly, so far in college, I've been the only guy horn player. I suppose that when I was in high school, up until my senior year, there was only one girl and three guys. Then there were two girls and two guys my senior year.
Hmmm... there seems to be something happening. Maybe guys used to be the dominating sex on horn (hehe... I said sex...) and now girls are.
Not that I'm complaining or anything. I like girls. I like girls a lot.
So... yeah...
It's Not About Horns, But It's Pretty Good
by Casey Lee PettittOkay, okay. It's a pretty cruddy title, but throw me a bone! I'm doing this all by myself (in case I forgot to mention that). I promise to have a real article or two in this issue, but first issues are always hard to do because there's nothing to talk about. So I always end up talking about nothing... well... I pretty much talk about nothing in every issue... and come to think of it... this is a pretty huge waste of time... oh well...
Anyway, the point of this little section is a good email I received... or... recieved... either way, it was sent to me. The subject of the email was "UNSCRAMBLE." And here it is (if you've already seen this... BACK OFF! because I haven't):
This has got to be one of the most clever emails ever seen. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
EVANGELIST: When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z ' S
A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I ' M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
And for the grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange
the letters (With no letters left over and using each letter only once):TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
'Innuendos in Music' Series
by Casey Lee PettittWell, well, well. Another year at school and more innuendos in music. Wait a minute... I'm pretty much out of ideas for innuendos in music. So check out Volume 3 in the Archives to see some very clever (in some cases) and extremely funny sexual innuendos found in music. Pay special attention to "'Innuendos in Music' Series, Part 1: Subdivisions" in Volume 3, Issue 1. It's great and it's also one of the only things I've ever had help with in the entire HISTORY of this publication. Thanks a lot!! No, I really mean it! Thank you last year's horn section! Maybe you could do that again!!!!
Don't worry though. For the next issue, I'll have a new series to start on!! Yay!! I hope it'll be as funny as the innuendos were...
Gosh, there haven't been very many pictures so far... oh well...
Wind Symphony and the Music We Play
by Casey Lee PettittDon't even get me started on this. Okay! I'm started!
The first day we played music in Wind Symphony, I was like "Wow! We aren't playing anything weird! This is awesome!"
Well... that was before he handed out the brass and percussion piece. I take back my awesome statement. Holy smacks! What the heck is he trying to do? Confuse us with meter so much that we have to quit playing altogether? Does he want us to quit?
I'm not just talking about this year either. Remember two years ago? "Fire Works"? Sheesh... more like "Fire Doesn't Work." Why did he pick that song? The composer even had a note at the beginning saying that he wanted the band to sound like a big drum set! Whaaaaa?
Then there's all the vocalist pieces. Now, nothing against vocalists... unless they suck... but man... those songs were dumb. "Four Maryland Songs"? That Zaninelli piece? Yikes!!
Some of the more quiet songs are good. Like "Ave Maria" or... well, I can't think of any others right now, but... yeah...
But I'm pretty stoked for this year (even if that brass and percussion song is weird). "Lord of the Rings" has the potential to be very cool. I'm excited to play "First Suite" because I've played "Second Suite" before. I like "Second Suite" way better, but, c'mon, it's Holst and he's stinkin' awesome. Well... he would be if he was still alive, that is. Then next semester we might do a Russian program? How cool is that? I love Russian classical music. Of course, with my luck, we're gonna play the worst Russian songs that are out there.
Diary of a Narcoleptic
Summer 2002... and Part of September, I Suppose
by Casey Lee PettittNote from the Editor/Author: This is a fictional story that really has nothing to do with The Horn Gazette. The name of the diary is Elbow, a name from Shakespeare's Measure for Measure... and it's a funny name...
Dear Elbow,
I'm too tired to write anything about the summer, so how about I just...
Where was I? Oh yeah. So then I...
did it without the slightest clue of what I was doing. I couldn't believe...
I pulled it all the way off and still think red is a nice color...
Am I making any sense? Good. I thought I...
had my underwear was on backwards!! No wonder it was...
such an incredible feeling. Then one afternoon I...
wet my pants multiple times. How was I supposed to know that...
when I was washing them out...
I wet them again? No. But I think I'm going to bed now.
Filler Article
by Casey Lee PettittI haven't done a filler article in a long time... so that's what I'm doing now. I just want the Gazette to look longer than it really is.
I suppose, though, that most of the Gazette is filler articles... but I don't care...
And the end isn't the greatest place for a filler article... but, hey... as I've said many times before... I don't see you writing anything for other people to waste their time reading...