From the Archives: 12-1-01
Volume 3, Issue 2
Inside This Issue: Crack Smoking Composers | What Goes on in Casey's Head When He Misses a Note? | Zaninelli's First Attempt at Composing | The Gonzaga Wind Combo... I Mean, Ensemble | 'Innuendos in Music' Series, Part 2 | Diary of a Narcoleptic | Letters to the Editor plus a Special Article
Crack Smoking Composers
The Politics of the Horn Section
by Casey Lee PettittTell me if this makes sense... 1st Part = 1st Chair; 2nd Part = 3rd Chair; 3rd Part = 2nd Chair; 4th Part = 4th Chair. First and Fourth Parts make sense, but when composers were writing their songs, why didn't they make Second Part higher than Third Part?! Maybe it's because that it would actually make sense that way.
Sheesh...
And what's with composers and their love for minor seconds? There are many times when two parts will be playing a D and the other two parts are playing a C#. What parts are playing the D? First and Third, of course! And this dissonance doesn't only occur for one beat like you might be thinking. No this occurs for measures at a time. An example of this would be in "Early Light" where the Third Part is playing an F while First Part is playing a G. Okay, okay, this is an example of a major second, but it sounds just as bad when it's played for about four bars. Another example (this time of a minor second) would be in the fourth movement of "Four Dances from 'West Side Story.'" The First and Third Parts have F#'s where the Second and Fourth Parts have F's.
These are just two reasons why I think that composers must be smoking crack when they are writing music.
What Goes on in Casey's Head When He Misses a Note?
by Casey Lee PettittHere is what goes on in Casey's (my) head when I'm playing and miss a note.
Doot ti doot ti doo... I'm playing my horn... doot ti doot ti doo...
Man, I can't wait to get out of here and go eat something. I wonder what's for dinner today...[plays wrong note]
Ah, crap. I missed a note. What's the key signature? That would have been helpful to do at the beginning of the song. Oh well.
[plays another wrong note]
Shoot. I suppose I should pay attention to what I'm doing.
[concentrates and still misses yet another note; takes horn from lips]
"Geez, I suck."
[raises horn to lips]
Uh oh... where are we? Ah, here we are.
[resumes playing and misses the first note played]
.............
[doesn't worry about it anymore and sucks the rest of the song]
Zaninelli's First Attempt at Composing
by Casey Lee PettittFour American Hymns sucks. I hate that song. I swear that it was just a homework assignment for one of Zaninelli's music theory classes. The song looks like it was made on a Mac, printed on a dot-matrix printer, and full of mistakes because there's hand-written stull all over the place. Some dynamics are typed while others have been written in by hand.
Let's analyze this piece starting with "His Eye is on the Sparrow." It's a stupid sparrow. Who cares? Now, if it was "His Eye is on Someone's Rear" it might be more interesting.
The second movement is "Amazing Grace." This arrangement was probably Zaninelli's first attempt at anything having to do with music. I think it sucks. He ruined a perfectly good song. I don't even know what to say about it. It sucks too bad.
"Old Time Religion" is challenging, but it still sucks.
And finally, "The Sweet By and By." How shall I say this? It sucks.
Gonzaga Wind Combo... I Mean, Ensemble
by Casey Lee PettittWe're playing this piece right now that says it was commissioned by the Gonzaga University Wind Ensemble. Ensemble does mean a small group... but wouldn't combo be more fitting?
The fact that it was commissioned by the Gonzaga Wind... Ensemble... also explained why the piece was pretty easy. Slow tempo. Mostly eighth notes and quarter notes. The hardest part is the fact that the meter changes every so often.
Public Service Announcement It's a fact: stupid people have stupid children. If you're stupid, please don't have sex. If you insist on having sex, then, please, have sex with animals. Preferably, animals that are smarter than you are. That way, if, by some biological fluke, you and the animal actually have offspring, odds are the offspring will be less stupid than you are. One more thing: don't assume the animal is protected. If the animal has a condom, or, a female, some sort of inter-uterine device, insist they wear it. Please help stamp out this mindless mindlessness. Keep your stupidity to yourself.
- This message brought to you by the Counsil of Concerned Citizens Who Are Smarter Than You Are.
'Innuendos in Music' Series, Part 2: Classical Pieces and Composers
by Casey Lee PettittHave you ever noticed that many multi-movement classical works start at a fairly quick tempo, then they slow down for a bit, and get faster again toward the end (or the "climax") of the piece? Do you think the composer was trying to allude to anything in particular with these speeds? Should we take a hint from these so-called masters?
I have found that some classical pieces seem to have interesting titles that seem to be, once again, alluding to something that's more than meets the eye. Here are some examples of this:
Mozart's Eine kleine Nachtmusik ('A Little Night Music') - Some people listen to music as they fall asleep, but I would be fast asleep before the end of the first movement. So why are there three other movements? Should we doing something else at night other than sleep while listening to this soothing "Night Music?"
What exactly happened on Mussorgsky's Night on Bald Mountain? Who was he with? Is this mountain truly a mountain or is it metaphorical?
How about the Donald Grantham piece, Southern Harmony? The title alone sounds questionable. But the movements also contain innuendos of there own. (1) The Midnight Cry - I think this one is self-explanatory. (2) Wonderous Love - I think Grantham forgot to put the words 'To Make' at the beginning of this title. (3) Exhileration - It is proven that when two people are... you know... the heartbeat quickens, which is also an effect of exhileration. A coinsidence? I think not. (4) The Soldier's Return - What is that a soldier and his wife do upon his return from a long war during and after the 'Oh how I've missed you' phase? That's what I thought.
As I was flipping through my Oxford Music Dictionary, I ran across two names that caught my eye. The first, Wilhelm Furtwängler, really has nothing to do with this article; I just thought he had a funny name. The second absolutely has something to do with this article and I will end it (the article, that is) with his name:
Johann Joseph Fux
Diary of a Narcoleptic
November
by Casey Lee PettittNote from the Editor/Author: This is a fictional story that really has nothing to do with The Horn Gazette. The name of the diary is Elbow, a name from Shakespeare's Measure for Measure... and it's a funny name...
Dear Elbow,
I've been doing pretty well this week with my narcolepsy. I only fell asleep 214 times. And considering that there are only 30 days in November, that's pretty good. That means I only fell asleep 7 2/15 times a day. Not bad. Not bad at all.............................................
.............................................................................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................................Since it's November, I figure I should start making my wish list for Christmas. I want a cup, a pony and most definately aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaI think one of my favorite holidays is Thanksgiving. I love the stuffing and cranberry sauce and, more than anything else, theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeIf I had only one word to sum up how this month has been, it would be "exhausting." I'm so tired all the time, but I never have the time to sleep. Sure, I may have narcolepsy, but that almost wears me out more than gives me rest. Especially because I drool when I sleep so I always spend a lot of time cleaning up the drool... Then there's the times where I don't get a chance to clean up the drool before I fall asleep agggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggWell, I'm pretty tired so I think I'm going to go to bed now. I'll be back next month, Elbow. Don't you worry. (What am I saying? You're a freaking diary. How can you worry?)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Letters to the Editor
Dear Mr. Pettitt,
I'd like to bring two issues to your immediate attention. First of all, what you refer to as Dr. Strauch's "yeah" problem is what is called a *vocalized pause.* I'm willing to bet you have a quite a few yourself. In fact, in the past, I have noticed the many many times you utter "uh" or "ah." I have chosen not to count the number of times you vocalize your pauses while you figure out what smart-ass things to say next. You're lucky that "yeah" is Dr. Strauch's vocalized pause of choice, because I think that it could quite easily be "Casey sucks." I mention this purely in fun, of course, being the sister of said doctor. But I'd like to suggest that rather than spend your time counting "yeah's" during Wind Ensemble rehearsal, you should learn to play your freaking horn.
Second of all, while you reserve the right to alter article submissions, i.e., change punctuation and spelling, I'd like to reserve the right to correct your, yes your, spelling. The power or right to decide or act according to one's own judgement is to have discretion, not discression.
Fondest regards,
Elizabeth G. Strauch--------------------
Dear Elizabeth,
First of all, I'd like to thank you for reading The Horn Gazette and emailing me about it. It's always nice to know that some people actually read the garbage that the powers that be allow me to post on the internet.
Second, thank you for pointing out my spelling error. I don't proof read my articles... it's just kinda boring I guess. But I have to proof read other peoples' articles. That's why I said that I will use my discretion in changing submitted articles. (By the way, I fixed it... just in case you were wondering.) I wil try to be beter about my speling in the future.
Third, I would like to bring up, yet again, the subject of "Dr. Strauch's 'yeah' problem." I meant no offense by this article; I just thought it was funny... and fitting for the Director's Tribute. So, because you so elequently pointed out it is not only Dr. Strauch that has *vocalized pauses*, I have written a short article about *vocalized pauses* which can be read below this section.
Thanks for reading,
Casey Lee Pettitt
The Horn Gazette
Vocalized Pauses
by Casey Lee Pettitt
Inspired by Elizabeth G. StrauchVocalized = uttered, spoken, or sang
Pause = temporary stop or rest
Vocalized Pause = temporary stop or rest in speech that is spoken... if that makes sense...Everybody has some form of a vocalized pause. Dr. Strauch's is "yeah." Other peoples' include, "um," "uh," "and uh," "like," "you know," "I mean," "you know what I mean?" and so on.
Here is an example of these vocalized pauses in action:
"Yeah, um, I mean, if, uh, you try to do, um, something, and uh, you know, and don't too good at it, you should, like, just, uh, try something else because, uh, you know, you probably just suck at it, you know what I mean?"
