From the Archives: 3-1-00
Volume 2, Issue 2
Anniversary Edition
Why Must French Horns Get the Shaft and Get the Cruddiest of Parts?
by Casey Lee Pettitt
I've touched on this subject before, but why do French horns always get the shaft and get the cruddiest of parts? I mean, c'mon. The French horn is such a beautiful sounding instrument that you'd think that the composers of these so-called "masterpieces" could get a frickin' clue and give the horns a cool part. Now, nothing against the songs because some of them are very neat. But Sousa (you know, that guy who wrote all those neat marches) always gives the horns the shaft. [sarcastically] Hello!! You can tell he wasn't a horn player. Then there are the songs that have a cool part. They're usually in the marching band pieces, though. Like "Fiero," "Proclamation," "Excelcior," and "Boogie Down;" the horns actually got decent parts on those. Then there's "King Cotton" and "Variations on a Kitchen Sink;" those parts just plain suck.
Hey! Who put that there?
French Horns Make the Best Kissers
by Emily Bishop
...is that a French horn? It looks like a French horn... but it's blue...The other day I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, Hilary, and we were talking about how instrumental musicians were the best kissers. She happens to think alto sax players are pretty good. I then brought up the point that trumpet and French horn players are better because we have a really tight embouchure, but overall the French hons are the best. Mi mejor amiga ["My best friend"], Marilee, has first hand experience with the editor of this publication! "I've kissed other band people and French horns are the best," Marilee stated. Personally, I think I'm a pretty good kisser; I've been told that as well! Well, I guess I'm finished. There'll be more next time! Note From the Editor: The title of this article might be a little confusing. It states that "French horns" make the best kissers when in all actuality it is the players that kiss well. We don't mean to confuse anyone. We apologize for any misunderstandings and inconveniences. Thank you.
Where For Art Thy Music of Peter's?
by Casey Lee PettittOkay. What's the deal with this? First "King Cotton," now "Freedom Road?" Oh, you have "Freedom Road" now? Okay. What?! You lost Jonika's "King Cotton" part now, too?! Oh, okay, you found that now, too. Good. But where's your "King Cotton?" It's not like you can just write it out; it's a pretty condensed score. C'mon! Work with me! I just don't understand. I do like, however, how you've penned a name for your bag; the black hole. That's clever... I like it. But I don't like how you've lost your music. I just hope, I really, really hope that you find it soon. I wonder... maybe if you put your music in your case you wouldn't lose it... unless you lose your horn too. Oh shoot! I probably just jinxed that! Oh man! I take it back! I take it back! Please don't lose your horn! Oh no! I did it again! Aaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!.................................................................................................................. ok... I'm done.
Have a Nice Trip?
by Casey Lee PettittWell... um... remember that "filler article?" Well, this is pretty much one of them. Emily fell off a step in the band room while sitting in a chair. Um....................................................................................... yep.
It's not delivery... it's Fettuccini Alfredo!
So, Fettuccini Alfredo gives me the poopies... so? You got a problem with that?
This is Band Class Not Cooking Class
by Casey Lee PettittOkay: what's with "Variations on a Kitchen Sink?" It makes a mockery of our band program. (1) it's a stupid song and (B) the percussion section can't even play it. Why do we have to play it? Why can no one get the rhythms right? It's not that hard. I mean, why don't we just play "Jurassic Park" or something? It's a little better; mot much, but I still think it would be better. I just think that "Variations on a Kitchen Sink" is gay. "Variations on a French Horn" would be much better. And that's about it.
Letter to the Editor
Dear Editor:
Hi! I'm writing in response to the article "The Hardest Instrument in the World? No Way!" I was just wondering if that was really in the Guinness Book of World Records, or if you were just saying that.
Wonderer - WashingtonDear Wonderer,
The Guinness Book of World Records really does say that the French horn is the hardest instrument in the world to play. It is, however, tied with oboe. Thanks for reading The Horn Gazette.
The Gazette
