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From the Archives: 2-1-00
Volume 2, Issue 1

Note from the Editor:

Please remember that if you have anything to contribute to The Horn Gazette, give it to the editor, publisher, yaddah yaddah yaddah, Casey L. Pettitt and he will be sure to put it in the next issue. Please use all the creativity you can muster and please, please make it somewhat funny. No one likes to read those same old boring articles like you find in our school newspaper. Thank you for your ideas!

Who Feels 'Horny'?
by Casey Lee Pettitt

This year we have an interesting horn section. Again (like last year), I don't know why. It's just comprised of four students who feel a little 'horny'; I do use that term loosely. Take it however you want...

Meet Casey L. Pettitt. Casey is on first horn this year. Woo hoo!! Chair tests are going on right now so it will be interesting to see how the rest of the section matches up. Today is Casey's one year anniversary with his girlfriend, Marilee. "I love you, Mar!" Casey's so full of himself again this year that he still thinks he's the best horn player in the entire world. You should hear him play; he's even better than last year. Actually, I think he sucks; just don't tell him I said that... he'd kill me.

Next we have Emily Bishop. Emily is pretty cool. When she heard there were only two horn players this year, she was the first to jump out of the infamous alto sax section and say, "I wanna play horn!" Wow. That was brave. You'd think she'd be chastised for leaving the sax section. Yep. She was a brave soul. She overcame all the torment of learning how to play and is still getting better with each passing day. Now that is perseverance.

Now, this is kind of off the subject, but I used to think that pickles came in peanut butter jars and peanut butter came in boxes.

Now meet Peter "He's So Cute" Gardner. Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater; that's how I learned his name. Kinda stupid, I know; but it worked. Everyone thinks Peter is so cute. He's quite funny, but I wouldn't go as far as cute. Sorry; I'm not like that. I mean no offense, Peter. There is one thing Peter does that I think makes him really cool: he can make people laugh whether they want him to or not. He's a great commentator during basketball games. Now, I really don't like sports, but Peter adds a light to sports events. Peter is awesome.

Finally, meet Jonika Brakstad. I had to ask Jonika twice what her last name was before I finally remembered it. Then... I had to learn how to spell it. Wow. I used to be good at spelling until I saw her name. It's a cool name and, now that I think of it, it really isn't that hard to spell. Nevermind. Please disregard the previous comments. Jonika is really cool. We only had three horn players before her. She approached me one day and said she wanted to play horn. I was ecstatic. She said she's played it before. The only problem was that we only had three good horns (the fourth was in the shop); she had to play the "whore horn"... hey... everyone's played it...

Now you know the section... enjoy. We'll try to be good; honest!

No One Loves Us
by Casey Lee Pettitt

Look [to the left] of this article; what do you see? A French horn? Of course not! Why would there be a French horn there? Music is stereotypically symbolized with the piano. I think it is a completely unacceptable gesture. Yeah sure; at Christmas time we see a lot of French horns all over the place. But that is usually the only time during the year we see it. It sickens me. If people are going to listen to classical orchestral music, they'll hear the strings, of course, but they will also hear the great sounds of the French horn. I think people need to stop generalizing music with the piano. I like horn much better, obviously. Why don't people ever put a French horn in their den rather than a grand piano? Sure, it may not take up as much room, but I think it's much prettier. C'mon people... I mean, geez!

Hardest Instrument in the World? No Way!
by Casey Lee Pettitt

Yes way! According to the Guinness Book of World Records, French horn tied with oboe as the hardest instrument in the world to play. Now, you've got to give it to someone if they even try to play the horn. Then there are those who stick with it and actually get better. That tells a lot about a person. If they stick with it, they're probably very persistent at most of the things they do. If they quit, well... we all know what that means.

I love my section this year. We've got some awesome horn players who aren't afraid of playing a wrong note. Believe you me, hitting the right note on the French horn takes nothing less than a miracle; even for a great musician like myself.

Of course, you have to realize that virtually every other note is fingered the same; whether it be open or first.

Yep! My section rocks! I think I've said that before, but let me say it once more: my section rocks!

This is Just a "Filler Article"
by Casey Lee Pettitt

As I believe I've stated before, the French horn section really isn't that important. Hence, there is not that much to write about them.

Therefore, I've supplied this issue of The Horn Gazette with a "filler article." This "filler article" is just that: a "filler article." I couldn't think of anything else to write, so I put in this "filler article."

"Filler articles" are usually what we like to call "short." They tend to be a little wordy when it comes to a lot of space to "fill."

So concludes this "filler article." Thank you.