From the Archives: 3-1-99
Volume 1, Issue 1
Meet This Year's Horn Section
by Casey Lee PettittThis year's horn section is unique. I don't know why; it just is. Actually, it's the same exact section as last year. Hmmm....
Meet Elizabeth "Liz" Kercher. "Liz" started playing horn her sophomore year (in high school). At the moment, she is on first. However, the chair tests will soon be posted, so that could be changed. SHS's hunk-of-a-drummer is Elizabeth's boyfriend; don't even try to mess with that guy. He's pretty scary. Sometimes even I fear his masculenity. Well... not really. He said that if I didn't write that he'd beat me up. Anyway... "Liz" is probably the coolest person in the band... Ow... next to her boyfriend. (Note: Her boyfriend was sitting next to me as I wrote this.)
Now, meet Casey L. Pettitt. Casey is on second horn right now, but, as stated before, the chair test results will soon be posted, so that could change. Casey is currently dating, as well. Actually, today is one month. He better not break up with her or Elizabeth's boyfriend will beat him up. Casey's so full of himself that he thinks he is the most awesome horn player in the world. You should hear him play; he's quite good. Actually, I think he sucks, but "Liz's" boyfriend said that he would beat me up if I didn't say that.
Meet Matthew "I Don't Care" Chastagner. Matt... well... Matt's Matt. He's just... well... you know... he's just Matt. You know Matt... he's just... well... Matt. Matt just doesn't care because... well... Matt's Matt.
Finally, meet Brandon "Okay, Don't Listen to Me, Jack Ass" Hawk. You'll have to excuse Brandon; he's kind of slow. Elizabeth's boyfriend says, "I don't know... Pikachu sucks!" Okay. Yeah...
Well, now you've met the horn section.
"We Get Shafted Again!"
by Casey Lee PettittWhat else is there to say? Our parts suck dick.