It had been a few weeks since Zac left. With his busy schedule, Ginger often sat and wondered if he thought much about her. She knew that he was on her mind all the time, but maybe that was just because she had so much time on her hands. With school out for Christmas break, she had a lot more time to just sit and think. He did call her every now and then, but it wasn't every day. She'd never expected him to call every day, and although their conversations were short, it was always nice to hear from him.
Kristina walked into the room and saw Ginger lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. �Bored?� she asked. Ginger turned her head to her sister and nodded. �Want to go to the mall? It�s noon, maybe we can get lunch there." She shrugged and grabbed their credit card out of a drawer. They shared a credit card that was a gift to them on their 15th birthdays.
�Might as well.�
�Why is it that we always go to the mall when we get bored? I swear almost everyone there knows us by name,� Ginger asked. Kristina shrugged. She bounced down the stairs and ran to the door.
�Hold it, little miss,� Ginger heard as she reached for the door. Oh damn, what did I do? she thought. She turned around and her father stood in the hallway. Kristina was stopped on the stairs. Dad usually didn't talk to them unless something was wrong.
�Yes?� Ginger asked.
�Who is Zac?� he asked. She glanced at Kris, then back to him.
�My boyfriend.�
�He called the other day. You and sis over there were at the mall. He left his number.� She let out a sigh of relief, smiling. At least she didn�t do something wrong. �I don�t want you calling him all the time, though, it�s long distance and I don�t want you running up bills.�
�I won�t.� He handed Ginger a piece of paper and she shoved it in her pocket. �Thanks, Dad.�
�See you, Dad,� Kris said, and opened the door. �We�ll be back two hundred dollars poorer.�
�Oh thanks, that would by my money you two spend all the time,� he said.
�Dad, shut up and let us go to the mall,� Ginger said. He smiled and let his two daughters go. After they were halfway down the block, Ginger started laughing. �He is really weird, you know. I thought I was in trouble and he tells me Zac called.�
�Yeah, I thought you were in trouble too. Maybe he was just looking for a reason to talk to us.� Ginger shrugged her shoulders. "As it is, you never talk to him unless you need something."
"Don't start, Kris."
"I'm just saying, you should give the man a little more credit. He has been raising you for the past ten years."
"I said don't start, please, I don't want to get into this now." Kris stopped and they approached the mall. As they got closer, they darted for the food court first. �I�m hungry," Ginger said, stating the obvious. "So why don�t we get something to eat then head on back towards the shops?�
�Sure,� Kris said.
�What to get, what to get,� Ginger asked herself, as they walked towards the A&W. �Chicago Style hot dog,� she told the lady. The woman gave her a smile.
�How did I know?� She looked beside her and there was Kristina. �Let me guess, Chili dog and root beer.�
�You know us too well.�
Kris took the food like she always did while Ginger walked over to Barne�s Coffee and Tea and got herself an iced tea. She sat back down with Kris, who began to speak. �So, Zac called you and dad never said anything until today. Don�t you feel loved?�
�I don�t know,� Ginger said, resting her chin on her hand. �I don�t know much anymore. All I think about is Zac. When is he going to come back? Is he thinking about me? What is he doing right now? It's pathetic. I feel like a dope. I miss him. I don�t know if he misses me. He�s probably too busy to miss me.�
�Don�t even say that. You know he does. If he could be in love with you for that long��
�Please,� she helplessly said, hanging her head.
�Okay, I think you�ve had one too many ice teas. Come on, let�s go back to Dillard�s. I seriously don�t think shopping will help you, though.� They got up, dumped the trash, and walked back towards the main department store of the mall. Ginger hadn't even touched her food. They passed a store, a television on MTV in the window. Ginger paused, looking at it. It was a show, but what caught her was her boyfriend, smiling widely like he had at her just a few weeks ago. She took in a deep breath. She thought about what she was looking at and realized something; they lived in two different worlds and she couldn't find the connection between them.
"Come on Ginger, let's get you home�" Kris said, tugging on her arm.
"No," she said, glancing at her sister for a moment before looking back at the television. "I want to watch this a bit more." Kris shook her head. "Just a little. I want to see what he's doing and where he's at."
"All right. But just for a little bit. You can call him when we get home."
"No, I think this is live. He's on the show right now." That was a big hit on her. Her boyfriend was on television. It looked like him and it talked like him, but it seemed like it wasn't him. He was making obnoxious comments and being weird and he wasn't that noticeably uncomfortable around her. He'd been in front of that camera for how many years of his life and he still looked extremely uncomfortable.
"Ginger, we should go." She took in a deep breath and pulled his number out of her pocket. She followed Kris, who'd already begun to walk. Still walking, she looked over it. Her father�s scribble was barely legible but eventually she made it out. She stuffed it back in her pocket.
They went straight through Dillard�s and back towards home. The whole time Ginger kept her head down. She felt depressed. The whole break had been boring so she didn�t do much but when she did, it felt weird. They continued to walk, and occasionally she felt Kris�s glance on her. When she saw the house, she started running.
Kris, not expecting that, tried to keep up. �Ginger! What is with you lately?� she called. Ginger didn�t stop. She nearly ran into the door, forgetting it was there. Quickly she opened it and slammed it behind her, not noticing that she'd done so. Her mother was about to yell but she ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. She turned on the shower and waited impatiently while the water warmed. She didn�t bother stripping before she hopped under the water. Feeling like dirt, she sunk to the floor and let the water run down her face and stuck her clothes to her body. He eyes closed. She put her hand through her soaked hair and took a deep, shaky breath, letting the water fall on her face. It wasn�t going well today. Today was definitely an off day. Suddenly, the water shut off.
Ginger opened her eyes and looked up. Kristina stood there, shaking her head. �You�re pathetic, Ginger. I�ll bring you a towel and a change of clothes. Get those off and take a real shower. You look like shit.� Ginger watched as she walked away. She had no idea; she was just trying to help. She tried running her hand through her hair again, but just got it stuck. There was a ton of knots in the supposed perfect hair. Supposed perfect girl. Supposed perfect life.
When Kristina came back she expected the shower to be running. Ginger was still sitting on the floor. She felt like a child that needed constant care. �Okay, since you�re not moving�� She ran out of the room and came back quickly with a phone. �Call him.�
�His number�s in my pocket. I think it got soaked.� She reached in her pocket. Even with the horrid handwriting and the fact that it had been through a shower, it was still legible. �I don�t want to call him.�
Kristina snatched the soaked paper. �Then I will. He needs to know what he�s doing to you.�
�No, he doesn�t. I�m fine.� Kristina laughed and sat on the counter.
�That�s why you just sat in the shower with your clothes on for twenty minutes. Yeah. I don�t think so.�
�Why�d you come in here anyway?�
�I heard the shower running and for twenty minutes it didn�t stop. I thought you slipped and hit your head on the soap dish and died or something.� She noticed the door open. �No one needs to see you like this. If mom comes up she�ll be worried sick.�
She closed the door then dialed the number that was on the paper. �Hello, Zac? This is Kris, Ginger's sister�" Ginger tuned her out as she began to explain what just happened. She sat as her sister talked, her head falling onto her knees. She barely paid attention, her own thoughts coming over her. Why does she have to tell him? He doesn�t need to know. I didn�t want anyone to know. The doctor gave me medication for this, where did it go?
She got up, ignoring Kristina�s stare as she talked to her boyfriend, and opened the medicine cabinet that pulled out of the mirror. The whole cabinet was prescribed pills for her. She pulled out a bottle. �What are you taking?� Kristina asked, putting her hand over the speaker. Ginger showed her the bottle and she nodded. �Just checking.� Ginger filled up a mug with water. She popped two pills in her mouth and wearily took a drink. Her hands started shaking and before she could control it the mug fell out of her hands and crashed onto the floor, shattering into pieces and spilling water all over.
�I�m sorry,� Ginger said, her hands still shaking. She went into the corner she'd been in before and sunk to the floor again, a wave of deep guilt falling over her. She felt tears running down her face.
�It's okay, hun. It�s all right. You didn�t mean to do it. It�s okay. Do you want to talk to Zac?� she asked. Ginger nodded, lightly. Kris gave her the phone and made sure she didn�t drop it. Ginger wedged it in between her shoulder and her head.
�Zac?� she whispered.
"It's me. Are you all right? Baby, you're worrying me." Ginger lightly smiled. He just called her baby. "What happened?"
"I�I�" she began but couldn't go on. She began to cry again and she tried not to make a sound so he wouldn't know. She didn't want to worry him. "I'm fine."
"Baby you're not fine." She smiled again.
"You called me baby," she said, her voice coated with tears.
"Yes I did."
"I like that�Where are you?"
"I'm in New York. We were on commercial when Kris called. I'm backstage right now. I'll stay out the whole segment if you want to talk to me."
"No, I'm fine. Go back on the show. It's more important."
"Nothing's more important than you. What happened?"
"Didn't Kris say?"
"It doesn't matter what Kris said. I want to know what happened from you. I want to know what's wrong so I can help whatever way I can."
"I just miss you."
�I know. I miss you too. I have a free day in a week. I�m going to come visit you. I talked it out with your dad and he said it�d be all right if I stayed with you for a while.�
�He really said that? Are you sure you talked to my dad?� Ginger asked, trying to put a little smile into it.
�I�m sure." He paused. �Um, Ginger are you on a lot of medication right now?�
�Yeah, why?�
�What for?� Ginger looked confused as she glanced at Kristina. Kris only looked worried. He told her something. She knew it.
�Pain, headaches, abnormal mood changes, memory and coordination, nerves and some other stuff. Why?�
�What happened with the mug?�
�I dropped it. Why do you want to know? What are you getting at?"
�Put Kristina back on.� Ginger looked at Kris.
�Why?�
�Just put her back on, okay?� Ginger knit her eyebrows in frustration and held out the phone to Kristina. She quickly walked over and took it from her.
�Hello?�
It was Christmas Eve and instead of spending a quiet, peaceful day at home, Ginger found herself at her second home�the hospital. She'd spent the past half an hour in a machine and now she was quietly upstairs in one of the doctor's offices. �Ginger, do you know why you�re here?� Ginger's doctor asked her. This was the woman Ginger spent most of her time with because it seemed ever since she was born she spent most of her time in this building.
�No, and I�d appreciate someone telling me.� Ginger glanced back at her mother and her sister. Kris had been going to the doctor with Ginger since she first went as a part of this family. She knew about her tons of medication and her numerous visits, sometimes more than Ginger did.
The doctor looked at the two of them when Ginger turned back to her. She knew already that her family was telling the doctor something that they didn�t want Ginger to know. �Well��
�Someone better damn well tell me soon or I�ll be holding throats,� Ginger said, turning so she could see all three of them. �This is my life and I would like to know what the hell is wrong with it.�
�Ginger!� her mother scolded.
�You�re holding back on me. No one�s ever held back on me before! Before it was straightforward. Ginger, your parents died. Ginger you need surgery. Ginger you�re anorexic. Ginger you�re depressed. Well, what now?�
�We don�t know yet,� the doctor said. She looked through a few charts. �We�ll find out when the tests come back.�
�What tests? I know you scanned me for something. I know you put me in a machine and told me to sit still for an hour and a half. Why?�
�We�ll find out when the tests come back.�
�You just told me that you put me in a machine and you don�t know why!� Ginger yelled.
�Ginger, you�re getting aggressive.�
�I�m not aggressive. I�m just angry! All my life everyone has been straightforward with whatever is wrong with me and that has been a lot. All of a sudden something else goes wrong and you can�t tell me?�
�Do you really want to know?� the doctor asked.
�Yes, for the millionth time I want to know.�
�We just took a CT scan for brain cancer.� Ginger looked at her mother and her sister, and they nodded.
�It�s about time someone told me.� She got up and walked out the door, followed out by Kristina. Her mother had to remain inside for an explanation from the doctor. Ginger was used to walking away with her sister, especially whenever someone told her news that she really didn't care to hear.
�I�m really sorry I didn�t tell you," Kris told her. "Zac mentioned it and I told Mom right away. There was a 50/50 chance, I didn�t want to predict anything.�
�That�s all right. At least I finally bugged it out of someone. If I didn�t find out today then I would have been really mad. Merry Christmas, Ginger! You might have brain cancer!� Ginger put a fake smile on her face. �Brilliant.�
�Only you, hun, only you,� Kris said, putting an arm around Ginger as they walked to the car.
�Only me what?�
�Only you would put a smile on your face when you were told this.� Ginger nodded, looking away. Her smile hid the fact that she had tears in her eyes. �You�ll be all right, Ging. I know it.�
�I hope so.�
�You will.�