It was a week later that we left England and went back home. I went with Kris and Ginger to Florida but took a flight back to Tulsa later the same day. I was still staying in Florida with Kris and Ginger but I needed a few things from home, plus I wanted to see my family and Leo again. I didn't speak to anybody except for Leo while I was in Europe, and I continued to forget to ask how my family was doing. I don't know if anybody had heard from Zac yet, but I was going to find out.
When I got home the first thing I did was call Leo. "Hey Leo," I said, sorting through my massive stack of mail. It was mostly bills that I hadn't paid and frankly didn't care about. I'm not going to be here for much longer anyway.
"Taylor? What's up?"
"Not much. I'm back in town."
"Are you? For how long?"
"Until tomorrow," I said. "I'm going back to Florida with Kris and Ginger."
"Geez, Taylor�you just got back."
"The only reason I came back was to get a few more things," I said. "I'm not sure how long I'm going to be down there."
"Taylor?" Leo asked.
"What?"
"Are you moving there?"
"No! I'm just�" I paused. "Actually, I think I am." I hadn't exactly discussed it with Kris yet but that's pretty much what I was doing. The only thing that kept me from moving there was that I still technically lived in this apartment. If my contract didn't keep me here for another half a year then I would move out.
"Oh my God, Taylor!"
"What? I'm having an awesome time with Kris. She asked me to come to Florida with her and that's what I'm doing. Things are so messed up right now. I don't have a job, Zac's in New York and I don't think Isaac even wants to speak to me anymore�there's no point in me staying here."
"Whatever, Taylor."
"Don't get mad at me, Leo. I love Kris�"
"That doesn't mean you have to go live with her in Florida!" I sighed. I had a feeling he would react like this.
"You know what Leo? I'm going and there's nothing you can do to stop me. You can either be happy and come out to visit me or you could continue to act like this and we'll never speak to each other again."
"Don't even pull that bullshit with me, Taylor."
"Nevermind, then! I'll see you later!"
"Fine! Call me when you get to Florida!" We both hung up the phone and, looking back, I couldn't help but smile. Even though we'd just had a fight I knew I was still going to see him before I left. I picked up the phone again and called Kris.
"Hello?" she asked.
"Hey baby," I said.
"Hi! What's up?"
"Um�I have a question."
"Sure."
"Am I moving in with you?" I asked very forwardly.
"Wow, I didn't even think about that," she said. "I don't know. Do you want to move in with me?"
"Yeah, kind of."
"Thanks for sounding so enthused, Taylor."
"Well come on, we're just awkwardly working out the technicalities right now." She laughed. "So I'm moving in with you?"
"Yeah. Big step, Taylor."
"Eh�I've kind of been living with you already. Plus Ginger's going to be there so it's not like it's that big of a step."
"True. Well�I'll see you tomorrow, then."
"All right. I love you."
"Love you too!" I hung up the phone. After I got my things packed I left the apartment, my luggage in the trunk, and went to my parent's house. I still hadn't heard anything about Zac, but that was because I'm sure Leo hadn't spoken to my parents since I asked him to. I could only hope everybody was home. I hadn't called so I had no idea if anybody was even there. "Hello?" I asked, walking in the front door.
"Taylor? Is that you?" my mother asked. She walked into the front room.
"Hi Ma."
"Oh my God, honey!" She threw her arms around me. "I haven't seen you in so long!"
"I missed you too, Ma."
"So, tell me about it! How was Europe?" she asked, pulling me into the kitchen and immediately put on a pot of coffee. I sat down at the counter and she stood in front of me.
"It was good. I had a lot of fun."
"I heard you were there with Ginger."
"No, I was there was Kris," I corrected. "She's friends with Ginger."
"Really? I didn't know that."
"Have you heard from Zac?" I asked, quickly changing the subject. She nodded.
"Yeah," she said. "After he heard you were out of the country he finally called here. He's doing fine in New York. He likes his job and he's working with a lot of great people. He's happy and frankly that's all that matters."
"Yeah�I guess so."
"So where's your girlfriend?"
"She's at home in Florida," I said. "I was actually going to join her tomorrow. I just wanted to come home first." My mother looked at me cautiously. "I'm moving in with her."
"In Florida?" I nodded. "Oh, Taylor, you can't leave too! All of my boys are going away."
"What about Ike?" I asked.
"Oh, he doesn't come by anymore! He's still in town but he's as good as gone." I sighed. I felt bad but that wasn't going to stop me. I was finally happy and I deserved to be happy when everything else around me was falling apart. Neither of my brothers were talking to me, Zac was off producing in New York, the band was gone, Ginger was pregnant�I deserved to have a little bit of happiness and that was Kris.
"I'm sorry I'm going, Mom," I told her, "but I'm still going. Kris is really important to me. I don't have a job anymore and I just want to be happy and Kris makes me happy. Everything's okay when I'm with her." My mother sighed.
"I know you want to go and I want you to be happy as well, I just wish you could be happy here instead of all the way in Florida. You just keep in touch, though, okay? Don't be like your brothers."
"Trust me, Ma. I am nothing like my brothers."
"I know you're not. It's just scary having my babies gone." I rolled my eyes. She was starting to overuse the term 'babies,' especially when one of her babies was going to have a baby of his own. It hurt me even more to know I couldn't tell her about her first grandchild. Ginger and I have become friends as of late, but we still completely disagree when it comes to her decision about her child. We don't talk about it anymore.
"Whatever, Ma." I wasn't the least bit surprised when she trapped me in a big hug. It made me smile.
"So is that all you're taking?" Leo asked that evening. I told him to come over for dinner so I could see him before I left. I didn't pack very much, just my clothes and some other stuff, but most of it was still unpacked and lying around.
"Well I don't need a lot. Kris and Ginger have everything else," I said. "There's no point in me taking it all."
"What are you going to do with it all? If you're moving to Florida you can't just leave it here. You don't live here anymore!"
"I know, I know. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with it all. Maybe the next person who buys the place can buy a fully furnished apartment." Leo shook his head.
"Listen, I'll sell it all for you."
"Sell it?"
"Well you don't exactly have a job anymore. You're going to need all the money you can get. I'll sell it all for you and send you the money."
"Thanks, Leo."
"But I'm taking a part of it so I can come out to see you."
"Sure." I sat down on the couch and looked around. I hadn't been in this apartment for very long but I liked being here. "I'm going to miss you, buddy."
"Don't even start, Tay. Don't even." I puffed out my lip.
"Leo! I love you!"
"Oh God�" I laughed. "I'm going to miss you too." I sighed. Leo was the only thing that made me want to stay in Tulsa. Leaving my family was one thing; I didn't mind that. Leaving Leo, who'd been my best friend for over a decade, was something completely different.
"Apparently Mom heard from Zac," I said, breaking the silence.
"Really? How's he doing?"
"He's fine. He likes his job and he's happy. I just wish I could talk to him again. I mean I could always call him, but he won't talk to me. He still hates me. I never thought he'd hate me, but�here I am. You know if he wasn't so fucking stubborn he'd know he was going to have a child."
"I still have a hard time believing that," Leo said, shaking his head. "I mean I saw Ginger say it but I still can't believe it. Zac's still seventeen years old!" I nodded. "That's just crazy. But you've got to think of it this way, Taylor�maybe it's better he doesn't know. He can have his career and he can be happy without having a child to worry about. That kid would just be a hindrance to him and he'd be stuck with Ginger! You know if he knew she was pregnant he'd marry her. Maybe he needs his time by himself."
"That may be true, but I don't think it's right to just keep it from him. I mean if this were my child I'd want to know about it!"
"Yeah, but that's you. Maybe Zac doesn't want to know."
"But maybe he does." Leo gave me a look. "It's not like I'm going to tell him, Leo! Like he'd even listen to me long enough to let me tell him."
"Anyway�how's Kris doing?" I smiled.
"Great. Just great."
"You're really smitten with this girl, aren't you?" I nodded. "It's good to see you like that. I have a question, though." I raised an eyebrow. "Do you think you and Kris are going somewhere?" I knew what he was talking about.
"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, I think she's it. Actually, I know she's it. We've only been together for three months so it's not like I'm going to propose today or anything, I'm going to wait until we've been together longer, but I definitely think she's the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with."
"And to think," Leo said, "three months ago you were scoring with random chicks every night."
"Yeah�"
"Are you going to miss that?"
"Pfft�no!" I said, laughing. "I'm perfectly happy where I am right now. Scoring with random chicks wasn't as cool as it seemed."
"I don't know, Taylor. It did seem pretty cool."
"Well at least my family doesn't think I'm a coked up whore anymore." Leo nodded, agreeing. "Now Zac can be the black sheep of the family."
"Don't go calling Zac a black sheep. If it weren't for you then he wouldn't be in New York right now."
"Oh, so I'm the black sheep of the family?" I asked. "It's all my fault Zac decided, on his own, to move to New York, quit the band, and isolate himself from everyone. At least I came back. At least I'm here right now instead of in my little hole because I'm too Goddamn stubborn to admit that I might be going too far."
"No, but you're too stubborn to admit that it's your fault he's acting this way. You've stolen countless girls from Zac, and for a while you got away with blaming it on the drugs, and trying to get off the drugs, but when Zac falls head over heels in love with someone and you're perfectly clean, perfectly sober, you go all Taylor on her and sleep with her over and over again. If I were him I would have done the same thing!"
"He's completely out of line, Leo! Don't go taking his side!"
"I'm not taking his side! Yes he did go too far, but come on Taylor, what would you have done in that situation? What if you went to Florida tomorrow and found out Zac was sleeping with Kris? Would you want to talk to him again? Would you want to continue to live with him, see him every single day at work, when all you could think about was the two of them together? You love Kris. You have no doubt in your mind that you want to spend the rest of your life with her, and then all of a sudden that's completely gone! That security is gone because of your brother, your own flesh and blood, and he did it deliberately, knowing that you loved her, knowing that you wanted to spend your life with her, but didn't care anyway."
"You sure do seem to know a lot about this," I told him.
"I talked to Zac," Leo said. "Before he left. I tried to convince him to stay because he's my friend too. He may not be my best friend, but he's still my friend. That's what he told me and that changed my mind. I could have convinced him to stay. He didn't want to go! He didn't want to leave the band! But when he told me that, crying his fucking eyes out because he couldn't believe you would do something like that to him, I changed my mind and I let him go." I shook my head. "You think about this, Taylor. You think about it long and hard before you make any decisions about Zac, all right? Think about what you would have done if it were Kris." Leo got up. "I'll see you later, man."
"You're still driving me to the airport, right?" I asked. He nodded.
"Yeah. I'll pick you up in the morning." He left. When the door closed behind him I was left by myself. I thought about it. I pictured walking in the door and hearing Zac tell Ginger he'd been sleeping with Kris, repeatedly, the same way I told Kris I'd been sleeping with Ginger, and for a moment I nearly cried. I'm not much of a crier but when I thought of the two of them together, when I thought of me and Ginger together from Zac's point of view, my mind changed. I picked up the phone that was lying on the table Kris had been sitting on when I told her, and called my girlfriend.
"Hello?"
"I love you," I said, my voice a little shaky. "I love you so much."