I woke up in the morning and groggily walked into the bathroom, still completely naked. Not only was last night a total betrayal to everything I stood for, but it wasn't even a heat of the moment passion-invoked disloyalty. Ginger and I had sex three times, and all three times I couldn't help but want more. Even right now I was thinking about her and the last thing I wanted to do was think about her. I don't think about girls the next morning. That never happens. This was definitely weird.
Ginger hadn't been in the bed when I woke up so I'm guessing she went back to her room. That was a good idea because I had no idea when Zac was coming over again and if he saw us in bed together I would no longer be his brother. I feel completely guilty but the biggest problem I have right now is that I still wanted to do it again. Even though all I can think about is my brother and how terrible this whole thing was, if Ginger had joined me in the shower I would have taken her immediately.
After I got out of the shower and got dressed, I walked down the hall to the guest room. I peeked inside to find Ginger asleep, looking as beautiful as ever. I closed the door and went to the kitchen to make myself some coffee. I looked at the time and jumped. It was eight o'clock. I never wake up this late. This, of course, isn't even close to being late, but when I haven't slept past five-thirty in years, eight o'clock seems like four in the afternoon.
I made myself some coffee and I had just sat down when the front door opened and Zac came in. I was the fool who gave him a key to the apartment. God knows why. If this had been a half hour ago he would have known something was up because he knows I don't sleep this late. It didn't matter because he looked like he wasn't talking to me. He walked right past me to the guest room. Upon seeing Ginger asleep in there, he allowed himself to talk to me.
"Did anything happen last night?" he immediately asked.
"No," I said, giving him a look.
"Well I just wanted to make sure," he said. I took a sip of my coffee and ignored the nagging feeling I had inside. "Listen, I'm sorry about last night. I was totally out of line."
"Don't apologize," I said, looking up at him. "You had every right to be suspicious. I don't exactly have a clean record."
"But still, I shouldn't have yelled like that."
"Stop, stop," I said. "It's over and done with." I felt so bad. He was apologizing for accusing me of things I ended up doing anyway. I heard what sounded like Ginger waking up in the guest room and Zac must have noticed it to, because he turned around. The door opened and Ginger walked out, rubbing her eyes.
"Oh," she said, looking at Zac. "I had no idea you were here, honey." She walked over and gave him a kiss. "I missed you last night." And there was nothing. No sideways glance, no nervous twitch, no nothing. She was so much better at this than I was. It made me think if she'd done this before. What was it called when your life started to emulate your art? Infidelity, that's what it was called.
She giggled and kissed him with the lips that were all over me last night. She touched him with a sort of incestuous hand that now has traveled over the body of two brothers who used to be close to one another. She ignored me like I wasn't there and that was the way it should be. Unfortunately, that wasn't the way I wanted it to be.
"You know your flight leaves in an hour," he said to her. It was sickening the way she looked at him. It looked like pure love but only I knew better. "We don't want to be late, now do we?"
"Oh, you never know," she said, giggling innocently as her hidden guilt washed over me. "I might just want to miss it. At least I'll get to stay with you."
"As much as I would love that," he said, smiling, "you still have to go."
"I know, I know�let me just get dressed." He followed her back into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.
"Oh my God�" I whispered. I might as well just pour my scalding hot coffee over my head and call it a day.
"Zac�stop it! I need to get dressed!" I heard Ginger say in the guest room. A couple of minutes later they reemerged, Ginger holding her small suitcase. Zac had her hand tightly in his as they left. "Thank you so much for letting me stay here," Ginger said as she passed.
"Yeah, whatever," I muttered.
"See you later Taylor," Zac yelled and I heard the door close behind them. I stood up.
"I am now officially going to hell."
It wasn't long before the front door opened and for a moment I thought it was Zac, but then I realized that Ginger's plane hadn't even left yet so it couldn't have been him. I looked behind me and Leo walked in, a smile on his face. I attempted to give him one; unfortunately I just couldn't do it.
"Dude, what's wrong with you?" I set my head back down on the counter, and for the first time I noticed a ring from the coffee cups Ginger and I had carelessly left on the counter last night. I'd managed to put both of the cups in the dishwasher and Zac gratefully didn't notice the rings.
"I'm a terrible person, Leo."
"You didn't," he said, immediately knowing what I was talking about. I nodded.
"I did," I said. "Three times." Leo pulled himself up on the kitchen table. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with me! Zac and I had a fight about me hitting on her earlier and she overheard, we talked, then it happened."
"Oh my God, Taylor�"
"It's not like I'm stealing her from Zac! She hit on me!"
"I'm sure she did."
"I'm serious! She even said 'Zac doesn't have to know.' " Leo shrugged. "I need to be shot, Leo. Zac loves this girl and I slept with her. I feel so guilty."
"You've never felt guilty before."
"That's because I didn't feel before," I said. "Thanks to you and your unlimited supply of coke."
"Hey, don't blame me for that." I didn't. Leo was into it and he didn't want me to be a part of it at all but I wanted to try it so bad that eventually he gave in. After a while it was fun to have a buddy to get coked up with, but both of us realized how bad it got at times so we quit together. We've both been clean for four years but Leo smokes now. I don't want to risk ruining my voice so I don't.
"I don't, Leo�" He sighed. "And the worst part about all of this is that I want to do it again."
"Do you want a relationship with her?" Leo asked, giving me a very confused look. The word relationship is not something I hear often when directed to me.
"No!" I said immediately. It was true. I didn't want Ginger to be my girlfriend. Ugh, girlfriends are such a pain in the ass. "I don't want to have a relationship with her. I'm not in love with her or anything like that�I mean I can't stop thinking about her but it's not like 'Oh, she's so great.' I'm thinking I want to fuck her on the kitchen table there." I gestured to the table he was sitting on and he quickly slid off of it.
"Taylor, you know you can't do that."
"Why not?" I asked, looking up at him. "Why can't I do that?"
"Because technically you'll be fucking your brother's girlfriend."
"She doesn't seem to have any objection to it."
"Oh, right, she hit on you."
"Why don't you believe me?"
"Because they always hit on you, Taylor," Leo said. "It's always the chick's fault. You are just an innocent victim."
"I never said that," I said, standing up. "But�whatever. Do you want to go out?"
"Yeah, sure." I finished my coffee and put the cup in the sink, then grabbed the sponge and cleaned off the rings on the counter. "Man, Taylor."
"What?"
"You're turning into your mother." I threw the sponge at him.
Ginger called me a few weeks after my birthday. I was sitting in my living room writing in a notebook. We'd finished working on the album the day before and everybody was so happy. Finishing the album meant more free time for a while and I was definitely enjoying it. When the phone rang I picked it up and put it to my ear. "Hello?"
"Hi, Taylor?"
"Yeah."
"It's Ginger." I jumped, my pencil making a long line down the paper. "How are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm fine," I said. I turned the pencil over and erased the line. "Fine. Um�Zac isn't here right now�"
"I know."
"Really?" I asked, surprised that my voice was even able to speak at this point. "So then you called to speak to me?"
"Of course."
"Listen, Ginger, I'm not entirely sure this is a good idea. Frankly I'm just not interested in seeing you�"
"Taylor I don't want a relationship with you," she said. I let out a breath. Thank God she didn't want a relationship. "But I did enjoy the time we spent together and I'd like to do it again."
"But I thought you said�"
"I don't think you understand."
"No I don't."
"Okay," she said. "Let me put it this way. I want to fuck you again." My eyes widened and I was starting to shake. My little brother's girlfriend had not only called me without Zac's knowledge, but she used the sentence "I want to fuck you again." This is too much for me. This is way too much for me.
"Ginger�"
"What?"
"Okay." My eyes were closed and I was still shaking. This is a hot girl who for the past few weeks I haven't been able to forget and she wants to just have sex and nothing else. This would have been so perfect if it weren't so wrong. "Okay," I repeated.
"Good. I'll be in town on Friday." I looked at the calendar on the wall. It was Wednesday.
"All right." I paused. "Wait, if you're going to be in town, wouldn't you want to see Zac?"
"I'll see him afterwards, silly," she said. "I'll drop by around noon, okay?"
"Okay."
"I can't wait." When I hung up the phone I decided I needed to stop feeling so guilty. This was an opportunity I really didn't want to pass up.
On Friday when she showed up I barely got in a hello before she kissed me, shutting the door behind her. I put the chain on the door (just in case anybody like Zac wanted to stop by, he wouldn't be able to get in) and that was about all I could do. I tried to back her up to the couch or something but we landed on the floor in the front room and didn't get any further before we did it right there on the floor.
And much to my dismay it went on like that. Whenever Ginger came to see Zac she saw me first. If I were half the person Zac thought I was, I would have stopped it before it got too serious, but unfortunately I'm nothing like Zac thinks I am. Ever since Ginger and I started to shack up behind Zac's back, I've been less and less interested in her when she was around Zac. This made him very happy and within two months of our first rendezvous, Zac started to trust Ginger around me.
"Hey Taylor," Zac said, coming up to me as I was in the living room of my mother's house. It'd been three months since Ginger and I met for the first time. "Can you do me a favor?"
"What Zac?" I asked. The last time Zac asked me to do him a favor I ended up halfway across town picking up a tree (and I still don't know why) that Zac had purchased. For a while after that I had a feeling Zac was on drugs but he insisted he had good reason for getting it.
"I need you to pick up Ginger from the airport."
"Why can't you do it?" I asked. By this point when Zac talked about Ginger I didn't get that guilty, shaky feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was almost like it was before I met her, but instead of just a blank mind, this time I was thinking if I had time to nail her in the back seat. My non-relationship with her was getting really weird. She was perfect around Zac, as she always was, but the moment he was gone we were all over each other. I'd stopped thinking about her constantly and I was back to my old ways, nailing random chicks I find and getting rid of them in the morning, but when it was just the two of us she had all of my attention. I think she's the first girl in years I've slept with more than once.
"Well her flight gets in at two and Mom wants me to do something for her," Zac said, rolling his eyes. "I can't get out of it so I'm kind of stuck here. You can just bring her back to your place and I'll pick her up from there."
"Okay," I said, a small smile appearing on my face. My place, eh? "Just don't forget to call when you come over."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Zac said, getting up. "Thanks, man. See you later." He walked out of the room.
"Bye." I looked at the time. One o'clock. I love how he tells me so far in advance about this. I got up and left quickly. I feel today Ginger's flight is going to unexpectedly be very, very late.