"Um, hi Zac." Taylor said from his wheelchair that sat next to Zac's bed. It was a day later, and Taylor had his rest. His brother seemed so lifeless that Taylor wanted to cry. He looked over his body, confused. Everything was so wrong with him, everything was so wrong with them all. Taylor looked down at himself, at the cast the stupid orthopedic doctors put on when he was too much in pain to think about anything.
He wondered if Zac was in pain, and immediately hoped he wasn't. Taylor'd never been in a coma before, and he didn't want to be in one either. Maybe Zac doesn't know what's going on. I don't.
"It's Taylor. Some doctor said that you'd be able to hear me. I hope so." Taylor sighed, looking at his brother. His eyes were closed and his face expressionless. The blanket covered his stomach wound completely, which was fortunate for Taylor. He didn't want to see what he had heard from the doctor. Apparently Zac had over 40 stitches in his stomach and chest. His leg was broken and so were a few of his fingers. He could see white gauze wrapped around him chest from the three cracked ribs. Taylor counted another five stitches along his hairline, and the result of a broken nose. If Kris was supposed to be worse, Taylor didn't want to see her.
"I really don't know what to say to you�I wanna say so much but there's really nothing appropriate. Kris is awake and talking to Misty right now. She wants to talk to me when Misty leaves. I feel so guilty, Zac. I feel like I'm responsible for you being here." Taylor continued to look at his little brother. He nearly killed his little brother. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes. He nearly killed his girlfriend. He nearly killed three pedestrians. Taylor found out they were all going to be alright, but it still shook him up. He was close to becoming a murderer.
Taylor wiped at his face with the hand that were covered in 30 stitches. He knew he had at least four times the number of stitches than Zac, but still Zac had them covering a larger area. Taylor had multiple wounds in multiple places, the back his hand had seven different scratches alone, so it wasn't the big thing to him. But Zac had too many in one place.
Taylor looked down at his own hands. The right one slept in its cast, knitting away to repair itself as quickly as possible. His left hand was laid out stiffly on his leg. The stitches trailed over his knuckles, then outlined the entire hand. Four long scratches that were stitched up ran from each knuckle and met at a spot in the middle of his wrist. More stitches ran from the inside of his wrist to the middle of his forearm, then started up again at his elbow and ran into his sleeve. He didn't want to know what the scars would look like.
"I know I really should be talking to you, maybe let you be my confidant and pour out my soul to you in a hope that you won't remember when you wake up, but I just have nothing to say. I can't talk to anyone about anything anymore, even the people who don't respond. I don't even know myself anymore! I don't know who I am so I can't even begin to explain what I feel." Taylor nearly began to cry again when Misty walked into the room.
"Um, Taylor, Kris wants to talk to you." Misty looked like she had been crying. "You want me to take you over there?" Taylor nodded. He hadn't remembered anything he'd done to her, but Misty had heard it all.
"Bye Zac," Taylor said. "I'll talk to you later." Misty walked over and wheeled Taylor down the hall and into Kris's room. She stopped him next to her bed, and then quickly left. Taylor looked over Kris, who was staring back at him. She wasn't as bad as he thought, but he knew all of her injuries were internal, and wouldn't show on the outside. She didn't have more than ten stitches, the least out of all of them. Her face was completely the same, except for one thing.
That one thing Taylor noticed was the large bruise on her left cheek.
He didn't know where that could have come from, the rest of herself wasn't damaged at all like that. He decided to ask. "Where'd the bruise on your face come from?" he asked, gently. Right there, the first thing Kris did was let tears pour down her face. He noticed how she was creeping toward the other side of the bed, away from him. "What?"
"You did that to me, Taylor." Her voice was small and distant; she was afraid of him. Taylor gave her a shocked look, mostly because he was confused.
"Me? Kris I would never�"
"Taylor before you got into the car you yelled at me and hit me because I didn't want you to drive in the state you were in." More tears poured down her face. "You said you were going to leave me there to die if I said another word."
"Kris, I�" She put her hand up, stopping him. She looked away, continuing to cry hard.
"I'd never been so scared in my life. I never, ever thought you would yell at me like you did. You made me feel so horrible that I wanted to stay there and die." She dropped her hand, but remained looking away. "I never in my life thought you'd make me cry, but you did." Taylor sat there, not comprehending. He didn't remember doing any of this. He didn't know he'd hurt her at all. And he never thought he'd hit her. "That's why I don't want to see you anymore."
It hit him like a swift kick to his heart. "What?" he whispered, not believing his ears.
"I don't want to see you anymore. I'm breaking up with you." She finally looked at him, tears pouring down her face and dripping down her neck. He'd never seen her cry so hard before.
"No, Kris," he said, shaking his head and taking her hand in his. "No, you can't leave me. I need you, Kris, I love you!" He kissed her hand, crying himself.
"I love you too, but you hurt me. You always told me that you'd never hurt me, you'd always be there for me and always would love me, but when you were like that I couldn't believe it was you. But it was your voice and yourself talking to me then; it was your hand that slapped me in the face. I didn't want to believe it myself but it happened and there's nothing else I can do about it."
"I don't want to think about what happened that night, everything went wrong and everything just hurt me so much�Kris the one thing I kept holding onto was the hope of being with you when we finally got through this. Kris we have to get through this. I didn't even know any of it happened, I was drunk or high or both�it'll never happen again and it'll never leave my mind that I hurt you. I never meant to hurt you in any way."
"Taylor, please�"
"I love you, Kris. You can't just leave me, I need you to live my life. You're everything to me. You're my inspiration, I wrote my life about you! You are it and I can't live without you." He gripped her hand, hoping for something to come of it. "I just need you with me."
"You don't need me," Kris said. "This is hard enough as it is. I love you so much and I have to let you go." He was crying just as hard as she was, but was holding onto her hand for dear life. She let him sit there for a long while, in an awkward silence. Finally, she forced his hand out of hers, and just looked lovingly at him. "You need to leave now."
"No, Kris, no. This can't be it! This can't be how we end."
"It is." She moved over to him and kissed him. He hung onto her lips for as long as she would let him, the contact making him cry harder. Her hands on the back of his neck felt so right, her lips against his were so familiar that he couldn't leave it all behind, just because of this one simple thing.
She tried to let go, but he pulled her back and kissed her again, not wanting to let her go. She forced him away from her, pushing him away as hard as she could. "Leave." He looked at her lovingly, as he still felt her lips against his. He wiped at his eyes and sniffed. She couldn't handle it and turned away. He saw her put her hand over her mouth and start to cry harder.
He couldn't say anything else. After staring at her for a long time, he wheeled himself out of the room. Isaac was outside, the only one out there. Taylor was grateful that his mother wasn't there. "I'll take you back to your room," Isaac said, getting up. When he got close enough, he saw the tears and was immediately concerned. "What's going on?"
Taylor's room was only next door, so Taylor waited until they were inside before even responding. "Isaac, it's over."
"What's over?"
"Kris and me. We're through. She just broke up with me." He sniffed before breaking down. Isaac just stood there, shocked. Countless times he'd heard Taylor babble for hours on what he did with her. He'd gone out of his way so many times to be with her, he'd even passed the rare opportunity to go home for a few days to stay with her. They'd only been together for about five or six months, but all that time they were so deeply in love that the chance of them breaking up in the future was slim to none. Isaac knew that if they ever did it'd be huge, and it seems like it is.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Isaac asked, hoping that Taylor would. He was itching to know what was going on. He refrained from adding a 'please' in there; he'd sound too nosy for his own good. Taylor sniffed and looked away, furious now.
"Apparently she was trying to keep me from driving the other night, which really would have been a good thing, and I turned on her. She said I hit her and I yelled at her." Isaac looked at him skeptically. "That's what I said!" Even though I didn't say anything, Isaac thought. "I didn't believe her, but obviously I hurt her enough to make her want to die."
"But Taylor you would never do that to her."
"I said that too! I would never in my right mind ever hit her or even come close to it." He huffed. "This is all Misty's fault."
"What does Misty have anything to do with it?"
"She conned Zac into buying the drugs, who conned us into taking them. If we would have never bought them, Zac would have never passed out and we wouldn't have left in the state we did. Most of the drugs were wearing off by the time we were in the car, I was fine right after the accident. I just don't remember anything before then."
"Then it's actually Zac's fault too."
"No!" Taylor said. "It was all Misty."
"Yeah, but you said Zac conned you guys into taking the drugs, why isn't it his fault too?" Taylor stared at Isaac blankly. "If you're not going to bring Zac into this, don't do it to Misty too. They both didn't mean any harm. This doesn't involve them. They have no part in your break up with Kris."
"Fine then, it's your fault!"
"Mine?" Isaac asked. "I wasn't even there. I wasn't even remotely close to you! Stop trying to blame this on someone else, Taylor."
"I just don't believe it's over."
"If this is it, then you shouldn't worry about it. If she can actually love you that much and then immediately let you go then it wasn't worth the trouble."
"Damn, I need to be able to give advice like that."
"You will, just wait til this happens to Zac." Isaac's eyes brightened. "That reminds me, he woke up while you were in the other room with Kris. Misty's in there talking to him now." Taylor put out his bottom lip in a small pout. Isaac laughed. "I'll go see if she'll let you in." Taylor smiled. Isaac walked out of the room and over to where Zac was.
As Isaac walked into the room, he saw Zac sitting up in a small conversation with Misty. "Hi!" Zac said, noticing Isaac there. He waved. Isaac waved back. "What's up, dude?"
"Taylor wants to talk to you." Misty turned to Zac from looking at Isaac.
"I think he should, he just had a spat with Kris."
"It's more than a spat," Isaac said. "They broke up." Zac's eyes got wide.
"What could possibly happen to break the two of them up? It had to be something big�"
"It was at the club, when you guys left," Isaac said.
"Well hello, I was passed out, clue me in!" Zac nearly yelled. He was too nosy for his own good; he was dying to know. "Tell me! Now!"
"We'll let Taylor explain it all," Misty said, taking advantage of the situation. Zac shook his head.
"No, you're going to tell me now before I kill myself in an attempt to find out." Misty smiled to Isaac. When Isaac left, she got up and walked to the door. "Excuse me!" Zac called out.
"What, Zac?" she asked, turning around.
"No kiss?" She gave him a look. He put out his bottom lip just like Taylor had beforehand, pouting.
"Fine." She walked back over and kissed him. He smiled and waited for Taylor to come in. He looked like shit; that was all Zac could think at that point. He thought he'd been bad, but now he looked at Taylor and he got the butt of the exterior injuries. Zac didn't want to ask how many stitches he had, but he felt like he needed to know. Taylor was wheeled by Isaac next to the bed, then Isaac left them alone.
"How many stitches?" Zac asked.
"166." Zac shook his head. "How about you?"
"83." Taylor gave him a look. "40 in my chest and 45 on my legs." Taylor nodded. "What happened between you and Kris?"
"We broke up."
"I know that. Why?" Taylor looked at him, his eyes filling up with tears.
"She said I hit her. She said I yelled at her and threatened her. She said I made her want to die. She said she didn't want to see me anymore." Zac's eyes widened quickly, but he couldn't understand why that would just split up something they had.
"I don't understand how that could make her want to end it." Taylor just shrugged and wiped carelessly at his nose and eyes. "I don't think I've ever seen you cry before."
"Well I've never felt this shitty before." Taylor put his forehead in his hand, looking at Zac. "I guess I'll never see her again after this. We'll go back to Tulsa and she'll stay here�"
"Don't even think like that. In a year we'll come back for tour or something, you'll nonchalantly invite her to a concert for old times sake, you'll fall back in love and spent happily ever after together." Taylor rolled his eyes. "Hey, it could happen, you just gotta put out a bit."
"Zac, I don't think so."
"You don't want it to end like this, do you?" Zac asked. He shook his head. "Then don't." Taylor sighed. "If you love her as much as you do, and I know that she still loves you, it's not going to end this way."
"Well what am I supposed to do?"
"Beg. Plead. Never leave her alone. I don't know, just do something." Taylor sighed again. It wasn't going to be how he wanted it to be.
Two weeks later Taylor and Kris had all but dismissed each other. They didn't speak to each other, they didn't do anything to try and get the other back. Taylor sulked, Kris sulked, and it only made everyone else feel just as bad.
Taylor looked around his hospital room for something he may have forgotten. The casts on his arm and leg were the only prominent remains from the accident. His stitches were all out and healing, but inside he still felt like shit. The pain killers the doctors gave him would knock him out immediately, so he only took him when he desperately needed relief.
He stood now, without the aid of crutches. The doctors gave him a shoe so he walk around and not have to worry about stupid crutches or a cane. He had his little suitcase packed with the things his family brought to the hospital over the two weeks. He sighed, looking around again. There wasn't anything there, he'd known that for an hour now. He just didn't want to leave it all.
As much as he hated hospitals, Taylor couldn't bear to leave this one. Kris was just next door. They even shared a wall. She was still bedridden; she wouldn't leave the hospital for another week. He had to say goodbye to her, in a final attempt to talk to her before he never saw her again.
Taylor plopped into a chair. He couldn't go over there; he didn't want to face her. She caused him so much pain�yet he couldn't stop thinking about her. Hell, he'd even written half the songs on the album about her, or at least a part of them had something to do with her. Every time he performed those songs, he'd think of the days he'd spent on the phone with her. He'd sung the songs over the phone to her, to hear her input on his work for her. It was all for her. Do you like this one? I have to work out the ending a bit, but it's all about you�
He sighed and ran his hand over his face. Once they left the hospital, he'd had enough time to go home and take a shower before they left the city forever. Isaac walked in. "Hurry up! The plane leaves in two hours and we still have to go back to the hotel!"
"I know�" Taylor said. He looked around, but his eyes shifted almost automatically to the wall that he shared with Kris. "There's just something I have to do first." Isaac knew what he was talking about, so he left. Taylor said a few reassuring words before getting up and pretty much hobbling over to Kris's room. His hand reached out for the handle, but started shaking before it actually gripped it.
Quickly he opened the door and stepped inside, breathing heavy. Kris looked at him, shocked. The stood there for a few moments, in an awkward silence that they both didn't want to break.
Kris spoke first. "You're walking."
"Yeah," Taylor said. "The doctors gave me that shoe thing and I can walk on it now." Kris shook her head, not really knowing what to say. "I just dropped by to say goodbye�we're leaving now. Zac will be fine, but he still can't walk yet. We stuck him in a wheelchair until we can get him walking again. I talked to Misty earlier, she's gonna stick around here to make sure you're okay and everything."
"I'll be fine, Taylor." He bit his lip, and the silence engulfed the room again. He still hadn't left his spot pressed up against the door. He still gripped the door handle, prepared to leave as quickly as he could.
"I'm going to miss you," he said, daring to go there. He didn't know if she wanted him to say that or not.
"You have no idea how much I'll miss you." Then why the hell am I going? Taylor thought. He glanced out the window beside him. Zac was cracking jokes with his little sisters, as Zoe sat in his lap. He knew he had to leave soon.
"Well�this is goodbye then." Kris nodded, almost crying. "Goodbye Kris."
"Goodbye Taylor." He turned to leave. "Um, Taylor?" He looked back at her. "Can I have a hug before you go?" He smiled and walked over to her. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, looking over his shoulder to the white hospital room. "Bye, honey." He let go and walked away. Right when he got to the door, she stopped him again.
"I love you Taylor." He stopped, his eyes filling up with tears. He turned back around.
"I love you too, Kris." He opened the door and left.
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