Kris looked over at her boyfriend. The loser one. That was the first thing to come to her mind when she looked at Brian. He's the loser one. The one that wouldn't give a shit whether she lived or died. If she shot herself right there he'd look down and possibly call for the clerk to clean up the mess. The pathetic little shit that didn't care how she felt.
But she loved him. She loved him more than she could even imagine. She loved this loser so unconditionally that she saw right through the crap he'd caused her to the depths of his soul. To a man she could only wish would surface. She'd seen it in him before, way before there were any feelings for each other or before they knew what the word love was. When they thought love was for old married couples who'd been with each other for so long that the word had lost all meaning.
She could only wish they'd turn out like that. That one day he'd look at her and say "I love you" just because he could.
So she looked at him. Hoping for that word, for three words of comfort in nine months of a relationship. So that maybe they'd share what her and Taylor share when he wasn't around. God she loved him.
But she didn't know which him she loved more.
Why did they always fight? Why couldn't two best friends of thirteen years just get along for five minutes? Right now it was four minutes, twenty-two seconds and counting.
"So are we going somewhere or are we staying here?" Kris asked. The question was innocent enough.
"I don't give a shit." Four minutes and thirty-one seconds. "Why don't we just run to the nearest crowded mall and scream at the top of ours lungs like we always do? Why don't we save the time and do it here?" Four minutes and forty-nine seconds. "What are we going to bitch about now, Kris?"
"The fact that it hasn't been five minutes yet and you're getting upset at me! I haven't done anything but sit here and try to please you. Do you just not want to be pleased or something? Do you just want to fight until one of us gets enough guts to break it off? I don't want to lose anything I have with you but right now I know I will. I know the minute I break it off, because I know it'll be me, our friendship will be as good as dead."
"It's been dead for months now, Kris. If you haven't noticed, we are not friends anymore."
"But we could be if you just have the balls to keep it alive. If you weren't so goddamn uptight everything would be fine. We'd be out having the time of our lives, like a normal couple should. We'd be out with our friends, not worried at all if we're too affectionate because they'd know that we were dating already."
"I don't need this." Brian got up and headed to the door.
"Stop running away whenever you're uncomfortable. Stop running away because you can't handle me putting input in on what you should be doing or saying. I'm just trying to help out here."
"Kris, I don't need you telling me what I should be doing and saying. There's only one person who can control that. Me. I'm the one who controls what I do and say, not some crappy girlfriend that you claim to be."
"Crappy girlfriend?" Kris asked. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You lie to me constantly. If I even try to say something you just claim to be honest while you dish out lie after lie. Now I haven't figured it out yet but I know you're doing something you shouldn't. I know you're doing something that you don't want me to know about so you keep it to yourself and run to your stupid cousin in Denver."
"Stupid? Oh so now we're dissing my family in a third grade way. That 'stupid cousin' listens to me in a way you never will. At least I have someone else besides the clerk here who I can turn to when we have yet another fight! I don't even know what we fight about anymore! It's just the same bullshit that comes out of your mouth that I choose to ignore." Brian got fed up with her, again, and went outside. She ran after him into the rain. "Don't run away from me, Brian! We're not done with this yet."
He stopped, the pouring rain drenching the both of them. "Okay, Kris, I'll just stand out here in the rain and scream at you. What do you want me to do, huh? Do you want me to yell at you until there's not voice left?"
"I just want you to understand me. I can't live as a secret from my best friends for nine months. I don't want to stay at home or in Johnny's where everybody knows my life story. I want to go out where there are more than three people and just let them know that I love you and there's nothing I can do about it!"
"It's not going to happen, You keep thinking that but it just won't happen, Kris. It's not what you want anymore. It's not about you."
"Why? Why can't you tell me that you love me? Do you feel anything for me at all? Or are you too fricken weak to even attempt to love someone."
"I'm just the innocent victim here, I don't know why you keep attacking me, Kris."
"You? The innocent victim? Brian you're everything but innocent. You are a fricken cowardly bastard!"
"You're a frosty bitch!"
"Tell me something I didn't know. Tell me something you haven't said before. Whaddya got for me? You just gonna run off to wallow in your self pity? Why don't you just fuck off, Brian? Why don't you�"
Brian turned around and slapped her. "Fuck off, you stupid bitch!" He walked away. Kris, unsure of what to do, ran off in the other direction. She couldn't believe that he actually hit her. She didn't want it to come to that. She just need to get a few things off her chest, Why did he slap her?
She could feel the sting of his hand against her cheek. She began shaking as she ran, unsure of where she was going but she knew she had to get there before she froze. It was January, bitter cold with strong winds that could blow a child off her feet.
When Kris arrived at the hotel where Taylor was staying, she began to cry. Taking a deep breath, she opened the front door and walked inside the warm lobby. People started to look at her, but she didn't care. She ran to the nearest elevator and pressed the button of Taylor's floor. He'd help her, she knew he'd help her. He'd help her out and take care of her in a way Brian never would.
There was another person in the elevator, trying her best to ignore the fact that there was someone else even there. The doors opened and a security guard stood there. She looked at him and ran in the other direction. He stopped her, but she shook him off. "I'll have to ask to see your key for this floor, ma'am."
"I don't have one," Kris said. "But how are you going to hold it against me?"
"I'll have to ask you to leave, then."
"No, you won't." Kris knocked immediately on Taylor's door. The security guard left. She was a bit surprised that he did, but at that moment it didn't really matter to her anymore.
Taylor opened up the door. Kris stood there, dripping wet and crying. She sniffed, and looked up at him. "Oh my God, Kris." He took her in his arms immediately, which only made her burst into hysterics. He closed the door behind her, and led her to the bed.
He grabbed the blanket that was nearby and wrapped it around her shivering body. He kneeled in front of her, waiting for her to calm before he asked any questions. She cried hard into her hand, and wouldn't let up. It only made Taylor even more worried and afraid.
"Kris, honey, tell me what happened." In a calming gesture, he rubbed his hands over hers. "Come on, tell me."
"He hit me," she whispered, a small whine rising in her throat. It only made her cry harder.
"Who?" he asked. "Brian?" She only nodded, not being able to speak anymore. Taylor put his arms around her, trying his best to calm her. He'd never seen her this hysterical before, so it must have affected her more than he had previously thought. It wasn't right, he knew that since forever ago.
Taylor waited patiently for her to calm down. He still kept her in his arms, rubbing his hand over her back.
It was a long time before he could ever let go of her. She'd stopped crying now, but he held her until she was ready to talk about it. He kneeled in front of her again, and brushed a piece of her soaked hair behind her ears. She finally looked at him. Her eyes were red and her cheeks blotchy.
"Tell me what happened."
Kris took a deep, shaky breath. "We got into a fight. It was worse than usual. I just got completely fed up with him. We were just yelling and yelling until he snapped and slapped me across the face. It shocked and scared me so much that I ran here and didn't tell anyone where I was going."
"Kris, you need to get rid of him. From the way he treats you and now this, you just need to get out of it before he seriously hurts you." Kris shrugged, blowing it off like she always did. "I hate to say this, Kris, but if you don't tell him what'd going on and how you feel, I will. I love you with all my heart but I can't take it anymore."
"So you're saying if I don't break up with you, you'll tell him about us?" Taylor nodded. "Why? If I do this, I'll do it myself."
"What do you mean 'if?' Kristina, he just hit you. That's a big thing; I don't care if it was a slap across the face. I don't care what the situation, I don't care what state people are in, no one should ever hit you. You should never let anyone get away with it. He hit you and you shouldn't take it."
"Taylor I'm going through the biggest crisis of my life and you're yelling at me!" Taylor sighed.
"I know. I'm sorry," he said, and hugged her again. "It just that I love you so much and I have to live through this relationship knowing that I'm sharing you with someone else. I just want you to be happy. Not once have I seen you happy with him."
"I love you too. Just give me a bit of time. I'm not ready to face him with this just yet."
"Alright." Taylor looked at the clock as Kris yawned. It was late. There was no way in hell he'd let her back out there in the state she was in. God only knows what could happen. He gently pushed her down on the bed. "Go to sleep."
"But I can't stay here�"
"Yes you can. I'm not letting you go home like this. Stay here."
"Well I am tired." Taylor smiled to her. "Sleep here with me?"
"Of course." He laid down next to her and put an arm around her. "I love you."
"I love you too." He kissed her before she drifted into sleep. But, of course, he wasn't so lucky. He couldn't sleep; he wasn't even tired. He just couldn't get the picture of Brian hitting her out of his mind. For a second, he wondered where Zac was. It wasn't like him to be out this late.
Just then the door opened. Zac saw Kris and Taylor in the bed together. Taylor sat up and looked over. Zac took off his shoes, not wanting to ask questions. Taylor checked to see is Kris was still asleep. When he realized that she was, he got up and walked up to Zac.
"You're going to be in so much shit if Mom finds out you let Kris stay here. What the hell are you thinking?"
"Shut up!" Taylor whispered. "She's sleeping; I don't want her to wake up." Suddenly Kris shifted and woke up.
"Taylor?" she asked, sounding groggy.
"I'm right here, sweetheart. Zac's here and I'm just letting him know that's you're here."
"Okay. Is everything alright? I don't want to cause any trouble or anything�"
"Everything's perfectly fine," Taylor told her. He walked over and gave her and kiss while adjusting her covers. "Go back to sleep, hun."
"Oh, okay. Goodnight."
"Goodnight." She was fast asleep quickly, and Taylor went back to Zac. "Her and Brian got into a fight and she had nowhere else to go. He hit her and it really affected her�"
"He hit her?" Zac asked, his eyes widening in surprise. "Oh my God."
"I know. By the time she stopped crying it was late and I didn't want her to go home like this. If she leaves early enough then no one will have to know that she was here. Just don't say anything, alright?"
"I won't. But if you get caught, I had nothing to do with it. I didn't even know she was here."
"Yeah, fine. Whatever. Just don't say anything, Zac." Zac nodded. "I'll be going back to sleep now. Thanks." Zac brushed it off and went into the bathroom. Taylor went back into the bed.
It's 3 am, and I'm lying here next to you�whatcha gonna do? Taylor couldn't sleep. He just couldn't. He'd had his eyes closed for hours but nothing was happening. He couldn't stop thinking about Kris and Brian. Everything about their relationship was so preposterous, and yet she still loved him. She stilled loved him enough to stay with him after he hit her. Would she ever talk to him? Will you tell a story when he asks you where the hell you've been�or will you tell the truth�
He knew he upset her when he said he was going to tel. It was completely out of line but he had to say how he felt about the situation. He was so goddamn sick of it already. I ain't holding back, I know where I stand�I just want to be with you� He loved her so much, and yet he couldn't have her as a whole. He'd talked to Zac about it, but briefly and lacking detail. You gotta face the fact, baby I'm your man�I've gotta get it through to you� He just knew that if he said something it might help. I'm fearless�
If she loved him so much, why was she purposely trying to eat away at him? Why was she purposely trying to hurt him? It would be better if he didn't know about Brian at all. You don't have to hide�you don't have to share half your life with some other guy�
Taylor looked down to Kris. She was beautiful lying there asleep. His thoughts and his feelings were just to much for this. Baby we're so strong and it's been going on so long�it's time to make it right, I want you to spend the night�
He got up and looked around. Zac was snoring away, which only made it harder for him to concentrate. He was grateful it wasn't bothering Kris. He made his was to the bathroom and closed the door before flipping on the light. I ain't holding back�I know where I stand�
Taylor looked at himself in the mirror. He openly laughed at his pathetic figure, then looked away. He didn't know what to do anymore. I just want to be with you�you gotta face the fact, baby I'm your man�
He washed his face and brushed his teeth. He knew he wasn't about to sleep. He could go for a walk, as long as he was back before dawn. I've gotta get it through to you� Taylor walked out of the bathroom and glanced at the clock. He knew where he was going. I'm fearless�He gave Kris a kiss before getting dressed and walking out the door.
He found himself walking to Johnny's. Even though it was Kris and Brian's place, he'd been there numerous times and knew the clerks of all the different shifts very well. They all knew him, and understood their secret. Taylor knew all of them approved more of Kris and Taylor's relationship than they ever did of her relationship with Brian.
Johnny's was surprisingly open when Taylor got there. There was only one other person in there; a boy talking to the clerk.
"I just don't know what to do about her anymore. I just try to tell her 'Kris, stop bitching' but she doesn't listen." Taylor looked over. It was Brian. He was right there, just three stools over, talking about Kris. Taylor figured he'd be awake because of the fight, but didn't expect him to be here. Now that Taylor was known here as Kris's "other man", there was a high probability of a conflict. The clerk looked over, recognizing Taylor.
"Hey man! I haven't seen you here in a while." The clerk did that hand slap man greeting with Taylor. Brian looked over.
"Hey, you're Kris's cousin, aren't you?" The clerk looked to Taylor, knowing better. He just didn't want to say anything. A fight would probably break out and they might break something. It would come out of his paycheck, and that was the last thing he needed.
"Yeah. I came by a little bit ago."
"You haven't heard anything, have you?" Brian asked.
"She tells me everything. She's actually at my place right now sleeping. She was crying pretty hard." Taylor just wanted to hit him. That's all he wanted to do. Brian wasn't showing any kind of remorse.
"Yeah, well�"
"Listen, I don't know what's up with you and her lately, but you just don't hit a girl."
"You hit her?" The clerk asked. "Dude, you don't do that."
"Whatever." Brian only got upset and left. Taylor laughed. "He doesn't like to be told what to do. He hates it whenever Kris does it. He only gets upset and leaves, or she'll scream at him and storm out. I experience a lot of fights just being the clerk behind the counter. Most of their fights happen on my shift."
"Good riddance to him," Taylor said and looked up to the clerk. "I don't get him. I can't get what Kris sees in him. All he does is treat her like dirt."
"I like her better with you anyway." The clerk smiled. "So he really bought the cousin act?"
"Completely. He thinks I'm her uncle's son from her father's side who lives in Denver. He hasn't said anything about it to Kris, so I guess he's still buying it."
"She's really upset over it, isn't she? I know how he treats her and I know how she feels. She's run out of her crying nearly every day in the past few weeks. I kinda missed the action while she was off with you." Taylor shrugged. "She needs to let him go but she doesn't want to."
"She cried hysterically for about an hour. I couldn't get her to calm down at all. By the time she stopped, it was late so I had her stay over."
"Aren't you a little worried that someone will find out?" He shook his head no.
"Neither of us have to really bother about that. The only thing is to keep me as a 'cousin.' It's not hard sneaking around." Taylor looked at his watch. "I gotta go if I want to get back before Kris wakes up."
"Sure, I'll see you around."
"I'll be back, sooner or later." Taylor got up and left. He walked back to the hotel and got into the room just as the sun came up. He climbed back into the bed and put his arm around Kris, so she'd know he was there.
It was only a few minutes later when Kris's eyes opened. Taylor noticed she had started to shake again. "Calm down," he whispered. "It's okay." She turned to him, looking as if she was going to cry again. "It's alright now; don't cry."
"I don't want to go home yet." He nodded.
"Then stay here. It's alright."
"You look like you didn't get very much sleep last night."
"I didn't get any," He sat up and ran his hands over his face. She looked over him.
"Why are you dressed?"
"I went out for a walk around 3. I met up with Brian at Johnny's and I just got back a few minutes ago."
"You didn't say anything to him, did you?" Kris asked, remembering the conversation they'd had earlier.
"No. He still thinks I'm your cousin."
"Then what did you tell him?" Kris asked. Anything Taylor said wasn't good when it came to Brian.
"I just told him you were really shook up and that you're staying here with me."
"What?!"
"Calm down, he's okay with it. As long as he thinks I'm your cousin, there's nothing wrong with that."
"Well if he ever finds out the truth about us then he'll know I stayed here the night with you." Kris got up and finally looked at Taylor directly. It was this first glance at the bruise on her face. "I'm just starting to become afraid of him."
"I understand that. Then we'll just not tell him about us. Plain and simple." She gave him a pleading look. "I'm sorry. It's just I did all I could to keep myself from hurting him for what he did to you." Her face softened and she hugged him.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I hate to ask this, but when are you leaving?"
"We're supposed to go later today�" She held onto him tighter. She's just spent three weeks with him and now he was to leave for God knows how long. "But if you need me here I'll stay."
"No, that's alright. Thank you so much for letting me stay."
"You're leaving already?"
"I'll only cause trouble here, Taylor." She kissed him and grabbed her coat.
"I love you, Kris."
"I love you too."
Musical Credit goes to Bryan Adams (Fearless)