"Come on, it’ll be fun!" my best friend, Darling, told me. She got her name mostly because her parents were hippies, and figured the pet name would be the best for the first name of their first child. They were still hippies, yes, 30 years after the seventies ended. They still were vegetarian pot-heads, which was pretty much where Darling got into this business, being an 'alternative to the long, lonely nights.' Whatever that was supposed to mean.
She’s five years older than me. She and I became friends through my brother. They dated for a while, in a period when I was always tagging along. The relationship didn’t last long, mostly because I was there all the time, but Darling took a liking to me, and we’ve been friends ever since.
Darling had the door open, waiting for me to come on in. The guard there was waiting. Well, if I wasn’t going to go in, now was the time to walk away. But the aura inside was very inviting, so I stepped in.
I knew I was naïve about everything. I had no idea what was going on, or what exactly Darling did with these people, but she never said anything about it. She never, ever, called me naïve. She just assumed I’d never been in the situation before, so I wouldn’t get what was going on. Usually after that I’d do something I’d never dream about doing with Darling. I’m sixteen, and my mother doesn’t approve of me going out with Darling.
We were handed backstage passes in sticker form. I always thought passes hung around you neck, but Darling assured me it was normal nowadays.
Normal? I thought. Goes to show you how much I know about her.
I put my sticker on my thigh, while Darling put hers on her shirt, between her breasts. "Always have to get the boys’ attention, don’t you?" She smiled.
"Of course. I have to introduce you to the girls," she told me.
"What girls?"
"The rest of the groupies. Although they don’t really like being called groupies. I personally don’t mind. I know who I am. Put a label on me and I’m still the same person."
I stopped and Darling kept walking until she noticed that I wasn’t by her side anymore. She turned around. "What?"
"Is that why we’re here? We’re groupies?" I didn't like the idea, but when it came to Darling, I never did. There was still some stuff I didn’t do, like the drugs or the sex. Well, now what was I supposed to do? That was all groupies did. Maybe not in this band, they’re more wholesome than that. I’m still surprised they have groupies.
"Yes, it is. But you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You never do."
"I know."
"Come on. These girls are great people. You’ll love them. Most of them. They’re just like me." I smiled. I followed Darling to a group of girls spread out on couches, most of them either smoking or drinking. At a Hanson concert? The little one was my age. It made me think. "Girls.." The groupies looked up.
"Darling!" You’re back!" Darling got a round of hugs, then one ran off to get the guys. "Guys! Darling’s back!" The three boys from Hanson—Isaac, Taylor, and Zac—all walked over from some serious and loud discussion they had been having on the opposite side of the arena.
Darling gave Taylor and Zac both hugs, but stopped when she got to Isaac. "Hi Ike."
"Hi Darling." Then they both laughed and embraced. One of the girls noticed my confused look.
"They claim each other. No one gets her while he’s around; no one gets him while she’s around. They’re planning on getting married one of these days. They just don’t see each other very often." The girls looked over at Darling, who was already making out with Isaac. "Excuse me! Darling, could you breathe for ten seconds and introduce to us your friend?"
Darling pulled away from Isaac and walked over to me. "Guys, this is my best bud Nicole King. Nic, this is Taurii, Amber, Rachel, and Michelle. Over there are the guys, Isaac, Taylor, and Zac…yeah they’re all losers."
"Hey!" the guys said, after a while before they realized what she said. Isaac said hello, Taylor smiled, while Zac looked me up and down.
"How…alternative."
"Hey, this is one great girl. She’s the coolest sixteen-year-old I know."
"You’re sixteen?" Zac asked. "You look older."
I wasn’t quite sure how to respond. I don’t tend to get noticed, especially while next to Darling. Darling was very kind to the eyes, and she knew how to work it to her advantage. Me, on the other hand, I happened to be dressed in baggy jeans with a frayed flannel over my midriff shirt. His alternative comment was very fitting. I wasn’t exactly a one hundred percent diehard alternative fan; I just liked dressing like one. I’m still trapped in the early 90’s. I’m a late fan; I tend to like music 10 years after it’s considered an outcast.
"Come here," Zac said, pointing to me. I started walking to him, but Darling pulled me back.
"Be careful, your mother will have my head, alright?" she whispered in my ear. I nodded, then walked over to Zac. He led me to a table and we sat down. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He took one for himself and offered me on. I shook my head.
"You know, that can’t be good for your voice. Especially before a show."
"Listen, the last thing I need is another person telling me how to live my life. There’s enough of them around here."
"If you continue that, there won’t be much of a life to live," I said. He looked at me, looking more than upset. "Sorry."
"No, you’re alright. You’re persistent. I like that. So, how do you know Darling?"
"She dated my brother a few years back. They didn’t click, but we did." Zac nodded.
"I hope you’re not as wild as her."
"No," I said, shaking my head. "I’m nowhere near as bad as Darling. I’m the tamest person in the world. I don’t do anything."
"Nothing?" he asked. "Then why are you here?"
"Darling said it’d be fun. But, when Darling says something is fun, I tend to not want to do it."
"You seem like you’d be a person like her. You seem like you’d do pretty much anything once. Anything for a laugh."
"Why?"
"I don’t know. Maybe it’s just the way you dress, the way you hold yourself. You have a very Darling-esque about you."
"We’re actually very different."
"Well, it really doesn’t show," Zac said. He took another puff from his cigarette. I took it from his mouth and put it out. "Now it does."
"You really shouldn’t smoke."
"You really shouldn’t be telling people what to do." I gave him a look, then glanced over to Darling and Isaac.
"What’s up with that?" I asked, nodding over to them. I’ve already heard one person’s side of the story, I might as well figure out what Zac though of the situation. "They’re all over each other."
"She claims him. Whenever they’re both around, they’re always together."
"What about him?" I asked. "That other girl said they claimed each other."
"He likes her. She absolutely adores him, but he’s not as involved with it as she is. She’ll never like someone else as much as she likes him, but he’s more likely to find someone else. He just doesn’t want to break her heart." I nodded. "But, I really don’t pay attention lately. It might have changed since the last time I was informed."
"That girl. Amber, she said something different."
"Amber’s full of shit and high most of the time. Don’t listen to anything she says. In the end, she’ll just stab you in the back."
"Bad experience?"
"Very bad experience, but I really don’t care to elaborate." I nodded. I could tell he didn’t like her—that was very clear. He didn’t like any of them. I noticed that when he was introduced to me. He had stood far away from the group, looking away. Once I was mentioned to him, he finally looked back over.
Darling walked over at that point. "The girls want to talk to you."
"Sorry," Zac said. "She’s mine now. Remember, I claim all the new girls." Darling looked between us.
"No you don’t. Not this one." She grabbed me and I was yanked away.
"Don’t let them corrupt her!" Zac called after us. I looked down at Darling. She was shorter than me, but she could still yank me around.
"What was that about?"
"He’ll do things to you that you’ll never forget. Trust me, you’re too young for that."
"We’re the same age!"
"Your mother will shoot me if she ever finds out what he’ll do to you. Trust me."
"What’s so bad about him? He’s very inviting."
"He’s supposed to be."
"He doesn’t like them very much, does he?" I asked. I already knew the answer, but I wanted to make sure.
"No he doesn’t. Especially Amber. They had something going on and they won’t talk about it with anyone. She was willing to in the beginning, but he got to her before she could say anything." Darling lowered her voice as they got closer to the group. "But I’ll tell you this. He loved her. He loved her a lot. Then something happened and he won’t let anybody know how he feels anymore. He used to be hyper; he used to be fun. But now, now he’d rather stay in his hotel room and smoke some shit and fuck any girl that walks in the door." I glanced back at him. He had like up another cigarette and he let his hair fall over his face.
"Why’d he say he claims all the new girls?"
"He’s the best lay around and he knows it. He’ll get all the new girls the first night, then they move on to whomever they choose. Not many stay with him. He’s too dark for most of us." Darling looked up at me. "Don’t let him get to you, alright? Don’t think you’re any different from the others. He’s done all the girls in this room and many more from all over the world. He’ll fuck you and throw you, okay?"
"Okay."
"Don’t expect to be a virgin tomorrow. He’s got a way about him. He can seduce anyone. I can’t resist him, and I think he’s a cold-hearted bastard. You’re taking a liking to him, I see."
"Well, yeah, sort of."
"You’ll be knocked up by tomorrow." I sighed. Great. Darling took a seat next to Isaac, and Amber patted the empty spot next to her. "Over here, doll." I sat down next to her, receiving a look from Zac, across the room. I wanted to know what was going on with him. He was like a Christmas present; all wrapped up and waiting to be opened. But it was only the person whose name was on the tag that could open him up.
We started some mindless small talk, as the stage manager announced fifteen minutes until show time. The swelling of the fans outside was growing. Sure, they’d been screaming since I got there, but they were getting rowdy, waiting for the boys to come on stage. We had to talk louder than before. I limited myself to talking to just Amber, because I couldn’t hear anyone else. I was actually contemplating going back to Zac and talking to him, but he’d disappeared from the table he was at. I glanced around the backstage area, but I couldn’t find him. He put out his cigarette, I could see the butt in the ashtray.
Amber must have noticed me looking for him. "Don’t waste your time on Zac. The bass player is so much cuter." I looked over at her.
"What’s your problem?" I asked her. She was noticeably appalled by my straightforward question.
"My problem? I don’t have a problem"
"I think you do, with Zac. It seems like I can’t glance in his general direction without you wishing me dead."
"He’s mine, you got that?" she whispered to me. "You don’t think about him. I’ll let you go for your free lay tonight, but you stay away from him. If you take him, I will get you back for it."
"I thought he hated you, but I guess not, considering he’s yours," I said, looking away.
"He what? He said that?" Amber asked, growing slightly frantic. She glanced around to make sure no one heard her. I grew amused by this.
"He hasn’t told me, but he told me to stay away from you, and to not let you corrupt me. It was Darling who told me he hates you."
"Darling told you that?" I nodded. I didn’t like Amber. It was more out of jealously, she’s once been close to someone that I was forming a deep attraction to. I hated judging her on what other people told me, but so far Zac and Darling both warned me about her. I could tell Darling didn’t like her either. The only person who wasn’t giving her the cold shoulder was Taylor.
"So, you favor the bass player?"
"No, I favor Taylor. The bass player was just really great." Amber smiled, and looked over at Taylor. He was pacing; I soon learned that he did that before most shows.
"Showtime, boys." Darling got a kiss, Amber got a kiss; I wasn’t quite expecting one until Zac came up behind me.
"I’ll see you after the show," he whispered in my ear. He kissed my cheek, and the trio of boys ran over to the stage. The girls stretched before getting up.
"We’re going to be stuck on the sidelines the entire show. It’s fun the first time, it’s a new show, but after four or five times you get sick of standing," Taurii told me. She hadn’t said anything to me, so I was surprised that she said anything at that point. "Towards the end you get the bright idea of chairs."
"Why not the chairs now?" I asked.
"We forgot," Michelle added, giving a pointed look to Taurii. "Anyway, it’s too early in the tour to sit down the whole times."
"And if Taylor caught us sitting down at your first show, he’d make us stand on our hands the rest of the show," Darling retorted. "Trust me, he’s done it before.
"He actually made you do it?" Amber asked.
"Yeah, Amber. Remember you had to do it with me?" Amber thought about it. "Let me guess, you were too high to remember?"
"Probably."
"When are you not high?" Darling asked, not wanting a response. She grabbed me and pulled me to the side of the stage as the screams swelled. "Hurry up, you’ll miss the best part." We stood on the side of the stage, a perfect profile view. This was the point of the concert where everyone was hyper and into it, obviously because it was the very beginning.
Darling began to sing and dance around me, making me laugh. I’d never pictured her being a big fan of Hanson, but I learned a lot of new things that night.
Sometime during the song, I connected eyes with Zac, and he winked at me. I tapped Darling, who’d seen it, but hadn’t cared.
"Are you sure this is normal?"
"Don’t fret, Nic."
"But is this normal?" I asked. Darling stopped dancing and looked at me.
"No. But don’t let it get to you. For all I know he could really like you. But chances are he’s just playing you." I nodded. "Have you ever had LSD before?"
"No."
"Okay."
"Why?" I asked, a bit afraid.
"He’ll probably slip you some. It’s his favorite."
"He has a favorite?" I asked. I looked over at Zac.
"He likes it better than heroin. That goes to show you how messed up he is. He acts like my parents sometimes. They practically live off of LSD."
"What shit did you get me into, Darling?"
"You’ll love it! The first night’s a trip. You better sleep with a pail, cause you’ll probably throw up once or twice tomorrow."
"Thanks, Darling."
"Just don’t tell your mother I made you into a groupie."
"Like I’d tell her that." Amber came up to us, a joint in her mouth.
"Hey, they’re doing some funky shit back there. You want some?" Darling shook her head. Amber rolled her eyes. "Goddammit, Darling, don’t you do anything anymore?"
"Not tonight. I gotta keep an eye out for Nic."
"Your loss," Amber said. "Anyway, the next show’s tomorrow in Atlanta. You two coming?" Darling looked at me. So far, things were going okay. I might as well see a second show, so I nodded.
"Yeah, we’re in."
"Great. Well, there’s crack calling my name back there." She handed Darling the joint. "Merry Christmas. Tell me when they play my song." I looked at Darling and the joint in her hands.
"You’re breaking me, girl," she said, and put the joint out in an ashtray nearby. There seemed to be an ashtray on every table around. It made me wonder. Weren’t they supposed to be on tour with family?
"Are their parents here?" I asked. Darling shook her head, lightly laughing.
"They don’t come until late in the tour—just the last couple of shows, or if we go to another country. If it’s still in the country but far from home, the family tends to stay behind."
"I was wondering, considering there was all the drugs circulating around."
"You can see a completely different world when the parents are around. Their parents think I’m an angel. Basically they think we’re all just close friends."
"You’ve fooled them well."
"Amber still gets stone when they’re around. But she has the decency to do it before they gets here."
"Do you like Amber?"
"Hell no."
"Does anyone like Amber?" Darling nodded to the stage.
"Taylor. They’re perfect for each other. They’re both egotistical, stubborn, and stoned off their asses the majority of the time. He adores her. That’s the only reason she’s still around."
"How does Zac feel about that?"
"He hates Taylor as much as he hates Amber. But, then again, Zac hates a lot of people."
"How about you?"
"What about me?
"Does he hate you?"
"Of course. I’ve got Isaac, remember? Zac’s got no one. He’s just kind of there. He’s on his own wavelength. He stays to himself a lot, but he loves his brothers. But if he can’t get his way, and if his brothers stray away, he hates the people who take them, and his brothers. Zac’s just around for a good lay and a good time. He throws some awesome parties, if he’s in the mood."
"Is he moody?"
"Very." She shook her head. "It’s hard to get into that mind of his, but once you do, you’re in for the ride of your life."
I looked over the three boys. They were out there, giving it all they have, and that was a lot. "But, in the end, Nic, they do it for the fans."