"Do you know who's coming?" I asked Darling as I drove to the airport. Lauryn was coming back from Florida today. Her parents came back a week ago and already moved all of her Mom's stuff out. She was coming back here just for the tour and truthfully I was excited. Today was the start of the tour. We wouldn't do a show, but we'll stay the night in a hotel (for whatever reason, there really was no need) before we left the city.
"Amber's a definite no, she's still at home recovering."
"From what?" Thank God she wasn't coming! She'd fuck everything up with Lauryn just like she did with Nic...Nic isn't coming. A few weeks ago Darling mentioned she couldn't convince her to come.
"She had a drug overdose and her heart stopped."
"What?!" I asked. I thought she had the flu or something. "Oh my God, why didn't you tell me that before?"
"I guess I forgot. I'm sorry. I thought you didn't care whether or not she was alive."
"I don't like her, that doesn't mean I want her to die!" Darling shrugged. I parked at the airport and we walked to the gate. Darling had a sneaky grin on her face as we walked to the gate. "What are you smiling about?" I asked.
"Oh, nothing."
I sat down. By the time we had gotten there, the plane was ready to unload. When people began to come out, I stood up and scanned the crowd for Lauryn. I heard her talking; there was no doubt in that.
I saw her walk out, but my eyes didn't fall on her. They fell on the girl walking next to her, who stopped, shocked. Nic. It was Nic. "Oh my God," I mouthed. It was Nic. What was Nic doing here? I didn't even notice Lauryn flinging her arms around me. My eyes stayed on Nic. She was so beautiful...no. I couldn't think that. I had Lauryn, she was right here.
"Baby? Baby, are you listening to me?" Lauryn asked. I looked back at her. Oh shit, I thought. "Where's my hello kiss? I haven't seen you in so long."
"I'm sorry, beautiful," I said, and saw Nic openly cringe out of the corner of my eye. I couldn�t take my eyes off her, but I was forced to when Lauryn pressed her lips against mine.
Please let this be one big nightmare. Please let me wake up and make everything okay. Nic isn't here. I'm just missing her so bad I'm seeing her in my mind. I'm imagining it. I opened my eyes and she was still there.
"Do you two know each other?" Lauryn asked. Nic huffed.
"I told you twice, Lauryn, twice on the plane. My God how stupid can one person be?" She walked off. Oh, she was pissed. She was pissed beyond pissed. Something tells me that she just found out Lauryn was my girlfriend.
"Could you take my bag, baby?" Lauryn asked sweetly. I looked at her and her large eyes filled up, pleading with me. I did not want to carry her bag. She must have realized this, and her lower lip began to protrude.
"Sure, honey." Goddammit. I took her bag. Nic was gone by now, probably ready to bitch at whoever spoke to her.
I walked with Lauryn to baggage claim and a few minutes after I got there, Nic showed up with Darling. Damn, I need a cigarette so bad right now. Nic didn't say a word to anyone until I saw her bag going by on the track. Out of habit, I reached out for it. How many times had I taken her bag for her? But she didn't expect it, and she reached out for it. Our hands brushed against each other, and I subconsciously shivered.
"Sorry, Zac," she mumbled. Yay! She actually spoke to me! She grabbed her bag before it went away. As I stood up, she spoke again, but not to me. "Don't tell me you forgot again! Just tell me you're joking. Please tell me you're joking."
Now I know Lauryn isn't that bad. She must be playing stupid for Nic because she's smarter than that. Or was she high? Was she high? Cause if she was...
"Well I haven't seen you two hug or even say hello yet. Of course I'm going to think you don't know each other! Duh!"
Oh. (This is where the light bulb goes turns on over my head) She's trying to get us to say hello. I get it now. As I looked at Nic, she appeared to be fuming. "Okay, that's enough." Uh-oh. She's going to kill Lauryn. I could see it. Shit. This wasn't good. But before she could jump on Lauryn, Darling grabbed her. Thank God. I need a cigarette.
"Anyway, say hello. Hug. Whatever, it's like, totally annoying me." So Lauryn didn't notice she was about to become a bloody pulp. I saw what Nic did to Amber�she was one punch away from going to the hospital in serious condition.
"Hi," Nic muttered to me.
"Hi."
"Baby," Lauryn's shrieking voice whined, "give her a hug. You haven't seen her in a while." I looked at her, giving her a 'you did not just say that' stare. "Go on." Can she not read looks? Hello!
"Come on," Darling interjected. "It has been a while. I know neither of you bite."
"Are you so sure about that?" I retorted, before I thought. Realizing what I said, I put my hand over my mouth to keep me from laughing. Nic was in such a state of shock she was frozen with her mouth open.
"I don't get it," Lauryn whined.
"You should, you're the queen of it," Nic muttered. I laughed, which surprised Nic.
"I honestly don't know where that mouth has been," I said. She put her hand over her mouth, lightly laughing.
"I figured you would," she said, removing her hand to speak.
"Hey! That was below the belt."
"Literally."
"No, babe, you're the only one who's covered that area," I said and slapped her ass. She jumped, surprised.
"You know I wouldn't..." she said, trying to defend herself.
"I'm kidding."
"You two are dirty," Darling piped.
"But what are you talking about?" Lauryn whined. Oh my God, shut up!! As Nic looked at me, I could only shrug. She was acting differently because Nic was here.
We left the airport soon after I found Lauryn's bag. I took her to our room and immediately went through my stuff for my cigarettes. I pulled them out and collapsed onto the bed.
"You smoke?" Lauryn asked. Have I not smoked around her? Well, when was the last time I was worried around her? "I didn't know that." There's a lot of things you don't know about me, I thought. She was going to find out, though.
"I only smoke when I'm worried and I'm really worried right now. I don't do it often."
"Why are you worried?" she asked, climbing onto the bed next to me. "What's wrong?"
"It's Nic."
"Nic? Nicole? That girl from the airport?" she asked. "What about her?"
"We used to date," I admitted. She shrugged. "We dated last year's tour. We didn't leave in the best way possible, and there's a lot of awkwardness between us. I don't know exactly how to act around her. I didn't know she was coming this year."
"Well, honey, that's okay. You should talk to her; maybe understand where she's coming from so you could be on the same level. I want you to be friends with her again cause I hate cigarettes." She took my cigarette and put it out. "So will you talk to her?"
"Yeah."
"Will you do it now?"
"Fine." I got off the bed. I couldn't believe her. She was actually pushing me towards Nic! Didn't she know what that meant? I was still in love with Nic, and she was pushing me towards her.
I found Nic in the hall, walking to her room. I pulled her into an empty room. I didn't know what to say, but when I looked at her, all I could think of was how she was treating my girlfriend. She'd done nothing but insult and torment Lauryn since they both got off the plane, and I'm sure she'd done more before that.
"What the hell are you thinking?" I asked, finding myself nearly yelling at her.
"Well, there's the thing I left at home, there's getting in touch with the girl again...that's all I'm thinking right now."
"You know what I mean, Nicole." Ooh, full name. I'm mad. "What are you doing with Lauryn? Since the two of you walked off the plane you've done nothing short of tormenting her! I know you don't like her because she's my new girlfriend, but the fact is..."
"Wait," she said, putting her hands up in defense. "You think I'm doing this because she's your new girlfriend?"
"I know you're doing this because she's my new girlfriend," I said, cornering her against the door. She didn't want to talk. Neither did I, but here I was.
"That's silly! I don't like her because she has absolutely no brain whatsoever. She's an airhead and she only thinks of herself. She talks way too much."
"And you don't? Nic, you're horrible," I said, lightly laughing.
"At least I talk of things of substance! She told me how her friend 'like, totally found this guy, and he was sooo hot!"
"So she's not smart. So what?"
"Nothing. Nevermind. It's not important. You've moved on. You have your blonde bimbo girlfriend. I really don�t care. All I know is that I have to sit here and watch. That's all I'm good for! I don�t even know why I'm here."
"You're here because people want you here," I said, a little embarrassed.
"Who? The last time I checked there was no one who cared about me. I might as well go home."
"I want you here," I admitted. This was not going as I planned, but just by being there she overpowered me. God, I was so in love with her.
"Why? Why would you even look at me with your bitch around?" Well, even if I loved her, she was getting on my nerves. She was being down on herself (which I couldn't stand) and she was calling Lauryn a bitch.
"If you stopped insulting her, maybe you'd look and see she's really a great person."
"Yeah, great in bed," she muttered.
"Nicole, stop it. Please. You're bitter because she's my girlfriend and you're not. But I like her. I like her a lot. So she's not you. No one could ever replace you. You were everything to me."
"And now?" I heard a bit of hope in her voice.
"I don�t know you anymore." She looked up at me sheepishly, her big blue eyes sizing me up without even knowing it. She was so hopeful�I wish I were the same way.
"Yeah, that's what I figured," she whispered. "I'll leave you alone; I'll leave the two of you alone." She gazed longingly in my eyes before slipping out the door.
"It doesn't mean I love you any less," I told myself, then went back to my room. Lauryn was sitting on the bed, filing her nails. It was actually exactly how I expected her to be when I walked in.
"How'd it go sweetie?" she asked, not even looking up. That's one thing I hate�when people don�t look at you when they're talking. Nic did it all the time and Lauryn did it too. I did it every once in a while, but I tried not to because I knew how much it annoyed me.
"Not well."
"Baby! You were supposed to make things better! What happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it." I pulled out a cigarette and hurriedly lit it. I was getting antsy. When I was worried, I smoked. When I smoked I got antsy. Smoking is supposed to relax me! I sat down, my hand drumming half a beat on the table. I needed my drums. Just get on them and forget about everyone. Forget about Nic, forget about Lauryn, forget about my body constantly craving nicotine and my insecurities. My drums were my nicotine. They were my security. But we don't play until tomorrow night. God, I'd do anything to get on my drums right now.
After I finished my cigarette, I looked at Lauryn. "Are you okay?" she asked.
"I'm fine," I lied.
"No you're not."
"I'm extra super-duper terrific, and do you know why?" I asked, getting up and jumping onto the bed next to her. She giggled. I was always a sucker for an innocent giggle.
"Why?"
"Because I haven't seen you in a month, we're all alone in our own room with an extra big comfy bed," I said. "And you know what that means." She giggled again.
"Baby, I love you."
"I love you."
A little bit later that night, I ventured into Taylor's room. Lauryn insisted I talk to him about this Nic fiasco. I figured it was a good idea. We were finally back on good terms, so maybe if I confided in him, we'd be as good as brothers again.
But when I walked in, Taylor was reading a book and the shower was running. He didn't look like he was about to take a shower, so who was in there?
"Hey Taylor, who's in the shower?" I asked. He looked up, as if it were obvious.
"Oh, just Nic." What?!
"Nic? Isn't she staying with the girls? Why is she here?" Why was she here?
"No, she's staying with me. Why wouldn't she?" I had a feeling I didn't want to know why.
"Cause she's staying with the girls."
"She's my girlfriend, why would she stay with the girls?" I nearly passed out right there. Taylor was weirding me out with his confused look. What, did he think I knew? Where did all this come from? Holy shit...
"What?! Why? For how long?" I could barely form sentences. I was completely confused. But for some reason, all I could think about was Amber. Yeah, the situations were different, Nic didn't fuck around with Taylor while dating me but she still went to him while I was in love with her.
"It's been a while now." What? So this wasn't new? Did he purposely hide this information from me so he could shove it in my face right now when I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown? God! Why did she yell at me and treat Lauryn badly when she had Taylor?
"And she had the nerve to bitch to me about Lauryn when she's had you. I cannot believe her."
"Zac, quiet down. She could hear you. Dude, I know she's still in love with you. And look at Lauryn! She's an airhead. I can understand because you don't tend to go for girls like that. I personally don't mind that she's still in love with you." He looked up at me. "Are you still in love with Nic?" Yeah, like I'd tell my brother I'm still in love with his girlfriend.
"I need more cigarettes," I muttered. "I need to talk to her." Not caring if Taylor opposed or not, I went into the bathroom.
"Zac!" Nic yelled at me. "Get out!"
"I need to talk to you. Don't worry, I can't see you and I've seen it before anyway."
"What?" she asked. I actually could see her, but I contained myself and didn�t look at her body.
"You made this big fucking deal over me dating Lauryn when you're dating Taylor."
"So?" she asked. "Lauryn's not your type." And Taylor is hers?
"Hello? Taylor? Nicole, he is the farthest away from your type! I would never guess you to date him. Nic, God!"
"No, I'm not God." Cute, I thought. She shut off the water. "How do you know my type anyway?"
"How do you know mine?" She stuck her hand out of the shower.
"Towel." I handed her the towel that laid by the sink. I had to stop myself from gawking at her as she dried herself off. God, she was so beautiful... "I'm sorry, Zac. I know you a little bit more than you know me."
"Yeah, a year ago. I've changed." She stepped out of the shower, her eyes connecting with mine. She hardly ever looked at me like that.
"So have I," she said.
"Obviously, if you could revert to something Amber did." I shouldn't have said that. She openly cringed.
"What me and Amber did are two very different things. I'm just dating him; I didn't sleep with him when I was going out with you. We are very much broken up."
"Then will you stop it?"
"Stop what? I'm not doing anything! I told you I'd leave you and Lauryn alone a half an hour ago and I did! I haven't bugged you about her. I'm not doing it now."
"Why Taylor? Of everyone in the world you are capable of dating, why did you pick my brother?" I asked, sighing.
"Because he was the only one. There's not a zillion guys running after me, Zac. At Darling and Isaac's wedding, he and I got to talking and I realized what a great guy he is." I stared at her blankly.
"We're talking about the same guy here? My brother, Jordan Taylor Hanson?"
"Why are you so skeptical?"
"Because it doesn't seem like you. You're not the same Nic anymore. I loved you, Nic. I never wanted anything to change."
"Well it did. My last year has been hell. I got kicked out of my school and took forever to go back and find another one. Plus, I had to go to rehab..."
"You got kicked out of school?" My sweet, innocent little Nic got kicked out of school?
"Yes! I was on drugs all the time. They caught me and kicked me out. My mother kicked me out of the house. I stayed with Darling for a month and a half in her apartment. She got me to clean up my act and I went to rehab. After that I was allowed back home and back to school."
"My God," I found myself saying. I didn't believe any of it. My last year was heaven compared to hers.
"And all that time I was thinking about you and how much you hurt me. Then I went to the wedding and you wouldn't even look at me! Goddammit, Zac, you were everything to me and then you go and crush me! That's why I went to Taylor. He would actually pay attention to me. He was the only one who went after me when I ran out of there crying because of you!"
I looked over her. She was shaking and cold, and close to crying. I didn't have anything to say. "I'm sorry." It was all I really could say.
"Go. I need to get changed." She was looking away now. I left the bathroom and quickly ran out of the room. I needed a cigarette. I needed ten cigarettes. I grabbed my pack. Only one. One wasn't going to work. I shoved the pack back into my pocket and walked down the hall. I passed my room�the last thing I needed was to deal with Lauryn right now. I figured Darling and Isaac wouldn't want to be bothered right now, and the musicians never wanted to be bothered. I didn't like my back-up musicians. They didn't like us, didn't like working with us. We needed them, so I don't complain.
I walked into the girls' room. "Hey!" Taurii yelled and ran up to me. "How are you? You look like shit, what'd you do to your hair?" she spat out, running her fingers through my hair. I'd cut a few inches off and changed the style a bit, and she was the first one to notice. She was so hyper, I could yell already and I'd just walked in.
"God, Taurii, how much have you smoked? You're bouncing off the walls!" I said, laughing. I missed the girls. Even if they were high all the time, they were still my best friends.
"None! The other girls have been doing it. I just got here."
"Oh, so this is you off drugs? I like you better high, you're not as wild." She flung her arms around me.
"I missed you, Zac! Where have you been lately? We all haven't seen you. Michelle's been complaining that you haven't come by to say hello yet," she said, tugging at me towards the balcony. "Where have you been?"
"With Lauryn." She stopped.
"Who's Lauryn?"
"My new girlfriend," I told her.
"Girlfriend? Ooh, I have to meet her!" Taurii said, jumping up and down. I looked at her and shook my head.
"Not right now. Let's go smoke, sweetie. We need to calm you down." I pushed her towards the balcony where I saw Michelle and Rachel smoking and talking.
"What do you mean 'let's?' I thought you quit, Zac!"
"Well, I'm out of cigarettes and I really need to clam down. So let's go." I opened the balcony door. "Ladies! I missed you!" I gave Rachel a kiss and the same to Michelle, but I took her joint from her and took a drag. I relaxed and sat down on the sofa next to Michelle, my arm draped loosely around her shoulders.
"Zac, I swear, you're always the smooth guy," Michelle said. "Always the smooth talker."
"I haven't said anything, honey," I said.
"Who's your girlfriend now? You've got a girlfriend or are you flying solo with all of us?" Michelle asked.
"No, I got a girlfriend. I've got Lauryn in my room. I'd bring her to meet you guys but I'm trying to get away from her right now."
"Oh really?" Taurii asked, sitting down on my lap. "Well we can really help that, you know."
"Yeah, I know. But let's just smoke some before doing anything."
"Okay sweetie," Michelle said, cuddling up to me. I kissed her cheek and took another drag from her joint. I was going to regret this in the morning, but now, now I could be high with my best friends again.